Jesus, make me rare
Serving in stated Christian leadership for more than thirty years has brought with it the relentless growth curve in seeking to be more like Jesus and inviting others to do the same, coupled with the brutal reality that my ego is really tough to transcend.
Despite years of seeking to live with self-awareness about my own ego’s needs that are in conflict with taking up my cross and following Jesus (Luke 9:23), I still find myself struggling with withdrawal when criticized, have put on a mask to go along with the crowd, have given way to pessimism, anger and total frustration, and have wanted to quit in the face to leadership struggles. Can you relate? Despite years of working with people, there are moments I would simply rather not. Despite decades of pastoral work, there are times when I’m the one who needs pastoral care and recentring. So I didn’t mind getting a solid reminder of the importance of emotional intelligence this week.
In their clear and easy-to-digest Rare Leadership, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder lay out 4 habits that can increase emotional intelligence. They are:
- Remain Relational
- Act Like Yourself
- Return to Joy
- Endure Hardship Well [1].
These shouldn’t be rare, but unfortunately are. Yet when these are cultivated, something beautiful happens to a leader’s internal regulation and output, and it sounds like the voice of Christ beckoning me to a place of wholeness, and to lead from the genuine place of acceptance about who God has made me to be.
Warner and Wilder frame rare leadership in contrast to “sandbox leadership”, which Harvard Business Review describe as full of “arrogance, pouting, tantrums, personal attacks and betrayal of trust”, and which the authors call “grown-ups in positions of responsibility who lack emotional maturity [and create] catastrophic consequences for their unsuspecting followers” [2]. When something is off within, immaturity and lack of emotional intelligence create a trail of carnage. That is not the recipe for coping well with the hardships we face.
I agree with the importance of growing in emotional intelligence and soft skills for becoming more successful in leading others. Dr. Hans Finzel quantifies it: “emotional intelligence counts for twice as much as IQ and technical skills combined to be successful in leading others”, he writes in the forward for this book [3]. Why? The four habits start with drawing others in. As a leader, I am reminded to draw others in, even when it’s hard. For we are all human beings, and even human becomings, not merely human doings.
Remain Relational. In order to be effective, Warner and Wilder warn that our brains move into isolation thinking without warning when we are operating in fear, or feeling threatened [4]. Combatting this isolation, Annabel Beerel highlight the importance of “transcending the ego” in her chapter exploring Transpersonal Leadership [5], guiding people away from isolation and back towards others involvement and viewpoints [6]. Emotional intelligence rests on being honest and truthful about my own limitations, and therefore showing human vulnerability. And Christ-following leaders have this beautiful example in the words of the Apostle Paul, “follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1) in a mutual submission to Christ (Ephesians 4:20).
I love how Warner and Wilder present relational strategies with the C.A.K.E. Acronym: Cultivate curiosity, show appreciation, express kindness, and envelope conversations by surrounding discussion about problems with history, then the problem, and then hope for a stronger relationship once solved [7].
I just came off a full weekend of facilitated conversations to sharpen the future focus for one of the organizations I serve. My prayer is that Jesus would make me rare, helping me stay relational first and foremost.
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[1] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership : 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 15.
[2] Rare, 33
[3] Rare, 3.
[4] Rare, 67.
[5] Annabel Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, (1st ed.). Routledge, 2021), 236.
[6] Rethinking, 241.
[7] Rare, 100-103.
About the Author
Joel Zantingh
Joel Zantingh is a catalyst for peacemaking and intercultural teams, speaker, theologian and consultant. He is the Canadian Coordinator of the World Evangelical Alliance's Peace and Reconciliation Network, and the Director of Engagement with Lausanne Movement Canada. He has served in local and national roles within the Evangelical Missionary Church of Canada, and led their global mission arm. He has experience teaching in formal and informal settings with Bible college students and leaders from various cultures and generations. Joel and Christie are parents to adult children, as well as grandparents. They reside in Guelph, Ont., situated on the treaty lands and territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit, and home to many past, present and future First Nations peoples, including the Anishinnabe and Hodinöhsö:ni'.2 responses to “Jesus, make me rare”
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Hi Joel, Thank you for this incredibly transparent and thoughtful post—I can completely relate. I’m going to “borrow” a question Glyn asked on my post: What’s been the most unexpected way you’ve experienced joy or relational strength when you’ve wanted to quit? I gave Glyn a very spiritual answer, but I completely forgot how much music brings me back to a place of joy. I know you’re a musician—do you have any music recommendations for those harder days?
I love this question. Like the prayer at the end of Rare Leadership from the book of Philemon, I get so much joy from others’ faith and Christ-honouring lives. I love it when systems provide security and creativity. I get joy from a well-engineered coffee bean grinder, car, or app. I find joy, NOT simply in a particular music, but in thinking through which music will enhance the moment.
My kids have remarked that listening to [Italian/Moroccan/Thai/Cuban] music while eating food from that particular culture was something that they loved.
After a day of tough meetings in another city, I often blare Trap or Ambiant music in my car so loud I feel it in my bones. And if it’s above zero, I open the windows for an olfactory enhancement.
Thanks for asking, and for posting.