It’s a matter of trust
Throughout this semester we have been looking at leadership from the different lenses of selected authors. This week Simon Walker brings the Undefended Leader to our attention in his book Leading Out of Who You Are, Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Essentially, the undefended leader is someone who leads out of who they are and not out of fear that stems from idealization: followers expecting the leader to be everything they personally struggle with, idealism: leaders that have a desire for things to be different or better, or unmet emotional needs.[1]
Walker’s book goes into detail of these needs and the defenses that leaders use to compensate for them. For the purpose of this blog, I want to briefly list these.
- Having a front and backstage style where front stage actions are those that are exposed for others to see and backstage actions that are hidden from others. [2]
- Power that may include physical, spiritual, influence, knowledge, position, and more.[3]
- Control where leaders feel they can escape a tumultuous situation by assuring order and predictability.[4]
Using the commonly known and accepted psychological term of ego, Walker explained that the purpose of the defenses is to protect the ego. There are numerous reasons why someone might have a healthy ego or an unsecure ego. Most of these are formed while a person is growing through childhood and adolescence when personal attachments were being formed. Depending on if the environment and interactions were secure, healthy, and encouraging life or marked with ridicule or peer rejection could mean the difference between a secure or unsecure ego.[5]
While Walker mentioned a number of consequences for the defended leader, what interested me most in this book was Walker’s conversation on the lack of trust. The lack of trust can be destructive in any relationship. In a work environment it could sabotage an entire team or even company. He used the example of an employee who had bullied many members of a team. Rather than report the bully, the team confronted him as a group and shared how his actions were hurtful. The bully saw the shame of his actions and agreed to the group’s stipulations for him to remain part of them. This was accomplished by the group’s willingness to trust each other and the bully to be vulnerable in their conversation with him. They took the lead to facilitate a positive change in the bully’s behavior which also would trickle into their work. The trust had to go both ways. The bully also needed to trust his coworkers that they would indeed give him an opportunity to amend his actions.[6]
Well known author and executive coach, Patrick Lencioni states in his book, The FIVE Dysfunctions of a TEAM, that one of the first things a team must do to function well is to develop trust within the team. He defines this trust as a confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good. This allows defenses and territorialism to diminish. It is the heart of a functioning and cohesive team. However, without it teamwork is impossible.[7] When a team is not working well together, the leader must be the first person to model trust by demonstrating a willingness to become authentically vulnerable to trust others in the group.[8] Lencioni was astute enough to know that building trust takes time and requires the support of a leader.
Every leader must be able to ask themselves the hard question. Am I leading out of defenses or as an undefended leader? And so, I ask myself, how do I lead? I have done a lot of personal work to heal the hurts of my formative years and rewire, so to speak, my ego. Most of the time it is not difficult to leave my ego at the door at work. But the answer isn’t just found in Simon Walker’s or Patrick Lencioni’s books. Leadership is more than learning how to be undefended. It is also about learning to self-differentiate as Edwin Friedman says.[9] Last week our reading smacked me in the face, and I realized in our class meeting that my strong feelings about a topic in the book were very close to the surface. My ego said I knew what is best and I don’t trust the system. That realization caused me to stop and remember who my King is and to whom I answer. It isn’t to a political system or a country or even righteousness. It is to spend time with the Lord and yield all the concerns of life to Him. It doesn’t mean that standing up to injustice stops, Jesus stood up to injustice, but as the ultimate person who could self-differentiate, he was able to do so in a way that became instructive and productive. Ultimately my biggest take away from this book is that as a leader I must be willing to examine myself, my motives, reactions, actions and also the hopes and dreams for the work being done and the people doing that work. By prayerfully doing that, the pitfalls that all three authors spoke to can be minimized. This opens the doors wider for cohesive teams, productive work, and true service to those in need.
[1] Simon P. Walker, Leading out of Who You Are, Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (Carlisle, UK: Piquant Editions Ltd, 2007),16-17.
[2] Walker, 25.
[3] Walker, 37.
[4] Walker, 43.
[5] Walker, 53-54.
[6] Walker, 129.
[7] Patrick Lencioni, The FIVE Dysfunctions of a TEAM, A Leadership Fable (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2002), 195
[8] Lencioni, 201.
[9] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (New York: Church Publishing, 2017),
About the Author
Diane Tuttle
13 responses to “It’s a matter of trust”
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Hi Diane,
Thank you for your post. As a CEO, how do you relate to Walker’s concept of an undefended leader?
Hi Shela, This is a good quesiton. I think of the undefended leader as a person leading without having to worry about what could be lost, money, esteem, position, etc. In some ways that could be difficult for a CEO. In my current position, I am not worried about what I would lose so my leading is more relaxed that it was 20 years ago. That does not mean I am doing less but I am doing it without the level of worry and anxiety.
That alone has made me less territorial, less worried and more interested in teaching others in the organization to be able to do my job. Right now, that is one of my greatest tasks as it ultimately helps preserve the organization.
Thanks Diane! I think a lot of learning in leadership is through reflection after a meeting or event, either on our own or with trusted advisors. As you reflected on the experienced you shared last week with your feelings near the surface, how have you evaluated that experience? what will you do differently next time?
Hi Ryan, I think reflection and awareness are the first steps to making changes. I think recognizing the fear that was rising, I would want to step back and not talk before further weighing my reactions and the words to use. I do that at work pretty easily because in my role it is important to not interject my opinion before the group has a chance to process something, unless their direction if legally or ethically way off. In this situation I have not been called to be a leader so my expectation of my role was different. However, there is still value in recognizing when something hits a nerve. Thanks for the question.
Diane,
Thanks for your post. You mention trust as being an essential component of a team and leader. How is your level of trust with your board and the people you lead? Essentially, how hard will it be for you to step down and trust that the organization is in good hands?
Hi Jeff, Your question is a good one. I do trust the board and most of the senior leadership to be able to function well without me. What I am noticing is that there are a couple of places where a senior leader does not fully trust a coworker. I am working with each of them to see where the disconnect is and how it might be repaired.
I think when I leave the organization it will be hard from the standpoint that there are a lot of relationships that will necessarily change. Some of that is due to the time not spent with people and part because I think I will need to fully step away so a new leader can intigrate into the community. That being said, being in this program is helping me detach some and prepare me for the transition. I am also taking steps to initiate outside opportunities to be able to open doors beyond my tenure in my current position. It isn’t fully formed but very exciting to consider.
Diane, thanks for your post. I appreciate your self-reflection and honesty in this post. One of the things that I find challenging is to “self-reflect” in the moment rather than after the fact. Have you managed to do this? If so, what have you found helpful?
Hi Graham, You are right that self reflecting in the moment is a better option that after the fact. I think when I am at work it is easier. Maybe because I have been in my position for quite a while and in some ways I am able to be in a system 1. When I feel myself getting reactive there, it is easy for me to spot it and step back and shift gears. It actually happened this morning during a committee meeting. I was able to do that then after the meeting I spoke with one of my employees about the meeting and together we were able to process it. By not reacting in the moment I was able to share the concerns without embarrassing her. Thanks for the question
Diane,
I think I had some of those similar thoughts or moments of question arise when we were all in Oxford. I was recently going over some of those notes and as I looked back at some of the things that I questioned a bit, I have a different perspective of it now. It is not that I have changed in my perception but maybe I have a clearer, broader grasp than I did before. Thanks for sharing.
Diane, thank you for mentioning Lencioni in your post. Five Dysfunctions of a Team has been on my mind for the past two weeks concerning the importance of trust. So, I am glad you brought it up! I was part of a team that completely fell apart in less than one year because there was no trust.
With your experience as CEO, what has proven to be the most successful methods in building team trust and/or restoring trust? Can you easily recognize characteristics in people that will foster or hurt team trust?
Hi Elysse, Thanks for the question. I like what Lencioni suggests in saying the leader needs to be the first to be vulnerable and that works for me most of the time. However, there are going to be people we all meet at work whose personal agenda is more important to them than the team agenda or even the mission of the organization. When that is the case, I think it is time for one of those difficult conversations that Poole talked about in Leadersmithing. That has worked well on occasion too. I don’t know that any one approach is going to work every time. Not sure if this answers your question exactly but hope it is useful.
Diane, I, too, thought about the Five Dysfunctions of a Team while reading this book. What are some practical ways you have found work for you to be vulnerable and build trust with your team?
Hi Kari, One of the things I notice is that some people ask me to make decisions for them. We try to foster them becoming confident to make them within the scope of their job. When it is cut and dry such as a compliance issue, I am happy to clarify after giving them a chance to talk it through if there are other complexities. However, for decisions about direction or change of course, etc. I ask my team to give input. Usually, a team makes a better decision than one I would have made on my own. It tells them that I know I am not perfect and am willing to admit that. It also confirms that when a group works together on decision making it is most often a better decision in the end. More people think of all the options, benefits, and possible hurdles.