Integrity comes from Integration
When I was four, I hid under the table to avoid being told off and found the tiniest book with a pretty pink and blue watercolour image on the front of it that I can still picture. It was the book of Matthew, and so I read the Bible out loud for the first time whilst remaining under the wooden kitchen table. I turned to the last page, where I read a sentence that defined my life; ‘Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.’
Tom Camacho’s book is a tool to facilitate discipleship. Exploring the theology of suffering, identity, giftings or design, vision, and purpose alongside the centrality of relationships are the central themes of this book and most discipleship programmes. Reflecting on these subjects should facilitate them becoming who God made them to be and lay the foundation for growth and maturity for all who seek to put Jesus first. Those without faith also find value in wrestling with those themes, which can help them build confidence in their identity and future plans. It is unclear to me why these themes are considered components of a leadership coaching curriculum, as they appear to be foundational principles rather than leadership concepts.
I was told I couldn’t be a vicar like my father due to my gender, so I started a church at age 18 at University. No one told me I wasn’t meant to and that I should be part of some collective of churches. Slightly awkwardly, I sadly chose not to spend much time studying because I wanted to focus on making disciples and writing books. I now feel embarrassed and slightly sad that I missed out on the study and the joy of learning with others, although I did gain my degree. However, we saw over four hundred people give their lives to Jesus, and they followed my discipleship programme, which was printed at no cost in the reprographics department. My programme was written for new followers of Jesus and explored similar areas of identity, gifts, vision and purpose, suffering and refining, relationships, basic theology around salvation, repentance, reading the Bible and prayer.
During this time of not really studying for my theology degree and leading a church, I also completed a Diploma in Life Coaching and began my psychotherapy training. I decided to work hard to be the best pastor I could be, so I focused on studying the human soul and the Bible to see how we could combine the miracles that Jesus did with the lessons from those who had researched about the complexity of humanity. I found that Christians tended to quote verses such as [1]: “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new.” And [2] “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” As a psychotherapist and trainer, I teach other therapists and those in my church, which I lead, how to facilitate the exploration of the present whilst considering the past to make sense of behaviour, emotions, body experiences, relationships, identity and future dreams. Conversely, coaching [3] ‘looks at the present to refine, define and help someone move further into the present’. Research shows that [4]more than 2 out of 3 children and adolescents in the United States experience trauma by the age of 16 years and they become adults who often have few conscious memories of their abuse. My concern about coaching is that it seems to offer support and mentoring, but the depth is limited due to the lack of training that enables the subtle signs and symptoms of trauma to be recognised. The subconscious adaptive coping mechanisms and defensive are not recognised, and instead, the focus is on the future as if that is not limited and hindered by the past.
I’ve had business coaches who have helped me identify structural and governance weaknesses and enabled me to use precision to strengthen such details of some of the organisations I lead. I have to fulfil my clinical license obligation to have clinical supervision monthly, and that role is prescribed as [5]normative, formative and restorative and has been valuable for my work.
I have written in many books that I fully and passionately believe that integrity comes from integration, which is the foundation for deep discipleship. Gold comes from the furnace of suffering and trial that has been acknowledged. For a person to be able to have integrity, which could also be defined as holiness or wholeness, it is not something to just ‘try and work to do’ but using the words in my latest book, [6]‘…integrity comes from integration. For a person to be able to have integrity, they need to become integrated in their conscious and subconscious as the trauma is processed, and there are no secrets left in the darkness of their soul. Trauma causes a person to keep secrets from themselves due to the nature of the terror, powerlessness and overwhelm. When trauma recovery is complete, they are less likely to demonstrate conflicting values and behaviours and are able to feel a sense of wholeness.’
[1] 2 Corinthians 5:17.
[2] Isaiah 43:18.
[3] Luciana Paulise. The Differences Between A Coach and a Therapist. Forbes. 2022.
[4] D. Lawrence-Sidebottom et al., “Rates of Trauma Exposure and Posttraumatic Stress in a Pediatric Digital Mental Health Intervention: Retrospective Analysis of Associations With Anxiety and Depressive Symptom Improvement Over Time,” JMIR Pediatrics and Parenting 7 (February 27, 2024): e55560, https://doi.org/10.2196/55560.
[5] Lane DA, Corrie S. The modern scientist-practitioner. Hove: Routledge; 2006.
[6] Betsy de Thierry. The Trauma Recovery Handbook. A Guide to Professionals, Parents and Carers. Jessica Kingsley Publishing. London. 2025. 228.
#DLGP04, #Camacho
About the Author
Betsy
9 responses to “Integrity comes from Integration”
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Betsy, I think that’s a beautiful thought, that we help disciple people by coaching them to integrity from integrating their stories.
I just pre-ordered your book, and I’m excited to read it. I understand a little bit about trauma and recovery—please correct me if I’m wrong. The steps of recovery are safety, remembrance and mourning, and reconnection. I think you’re right that coaching too soon in recovery may not be helpful. Coaching may be helpful in reconnection as people seek to rebuild systems of meaning. Coaching is not proscriptive, allowing people to maintain their own safety systems.
What do you think?
Integration that leads to integrity is not just the stories. Not at all. The integration of trauma stories is deeply complex.
What needs integrating are the emotions, memories, parts of stories, body memories, sensory memories, relational memories and other aspects of the story that are usually fragmented in the unconscious or subconscious when trauma has been their experience. To integrate the stories too fast could cause destabilisation and could be dangerous. The human psyche is fragile and can only cope with so much stress. If someone has not been trained to safely lead people through the journey, they should not attempt it. Sadly, this is not currently on most psychotherapy, counselling or psychiatric courses that I am aware of if complex trauma has been the experience. It’s certainly not on any course as a pastor or a coach. Most psychotherapy professionals tend to lean towards diagnosis rather than recovery.
Recovery is not quite as linear as those three stages, but it certainly starts with safety. Hermans’s theory is excellent. I have a slightly different psychological model, TRFM®which has been published in the upcoming book and in part in my other 8 books and 4 chapters published on trauma recovery in about 7 languages if you can’t wait for the bigger one!
I’m hoping to understand more about coaching as I’m not too sure where it fits outside of business development and relational support. Coaching and therapy are not prescriptive, but emotional safety systems may not be understood by coaches because it’s more complex than what is visible! I’m authentically keen to learn more about the benefits of coaching…
And my understanding is that Camacho’s book is just standard pastoring topics and skills. But maybe each pastor’s journey to being in that role varies so much that some would not have been taught those skills. I don’t know but again I am keen to know what ‘normal’ training is these days!
Hello Betsy!
What an inspiring blog post. Truly enjoyed how cheeky you were and probably still are today! What wonderful energy you had at 18 to start a church just because it was a need, and you also sensed the Holy Spirit for you to do this. Coaching, I see, comes easily to you through various forms. Coaching provides a space for people to learn and grow spiritually. Coaching through your writing of a discipleship program – from your blogpost I see you’ve taken full advantage of providing a diverse experience towards coaching others. What I like about your post is also how you have tapped into your authenticity and how God has created you to connect with others. It is so rich Betsy and your authenticity in turn allows others to be vulnerable as they lean into your coaching. Thank you for a wonderful blog post.
Judith
Thanks, Judith.
I have never coached anyone through any coaching session ever. I have given hours of pastoral care to people where we explore discipleship areas. I’ve led more discipleship groups and courses than I could count, but that’s pastoring, not coaching.
I’d love some help here. I feel like I’ve missed something. I’ve always understood pastoral care as one of the roles of the pastor and pastoral team, which is to care for and disciple those within the church. How does that sit alongside what seems to be a completely different career path of coaching?
Coaching is a regulated profession (not that all coaches do this, sadly) that works with the known and conscious. Psychotherapy is regulated and works with the unknown and subconscious. Pastoring is about discipleship – helping people become who God made them through basic teaching and exploration of His word, prayer, vision, gifting, relationships, understanding the core theologies of suffering and redemption, repentance and church.
In our churches, pastoring is free and part of the pastoral care of the church. Don’t people pay for coaching? How can we ask people to pay for basic discipleship? I feel concerned. I may have missed something here!
The role of the church is to provide discipleship of its people through mission, resourcing and launching leaders and growth experiences and also to mobilize its people. Local pastors also have the role of providing the space for the sacraments of the church and shepherd its people. My ministry philosophy has those four targets, which I’m called to. Through the local church or a faith-based non-profit, that is what I do. I use my coaching resource to provide further training and development of my leaders inside the local church and also for our faith-based non-profit. I do not charge for that, it is a resource I provide. However, in the marketplace, from time to time, I do professional coaching, and I charge marketplace people for that service. Those who serve in the local church or at a faith-based non-profit need clarity of extra services that could be provided. Before God, for me, the stewardship of my gifts is what I give in my role. I separate my marketplace business from my call in a faith-based ministry setting. I’ve been involved in church and non profit ministry for a good number of years and NEVER had the funds for good conferences, counselling or coaching. I made a point of raising the money to be trained well so that I could share my resources with those God sent to me to resource and launch as leaders for the kingdom of God.
Thanks, Judith. I do get the balance of marketplace work and working in a faith-based non-profit, and how many of us do both.
I know that within my church and non-profit organisations, I am paid a salary but use my training/ gifts within the role. So I’m kind of paid to bring my specialised training to work, although I’m essentially paid as the CEO and not specifically for those ‘extra skills.’ Is that what you are saying has been your practice too?
I love exploring language and wonder if you’d mind helping me understand what the difference is in your mind and work practice between shepherding, pastoring, discipleship and maybe coaching? That’s what I am wrestling with. Not just for this course but as a deep part of something I’m trying to construct. Thank you for your time and help! I love to hear different people’s perspectives and views.
Betsy, can we be overcomplicating it all with terms and definitions of terms and fields of study and fancy words and circling around and around in all directions. Jesus heals hearts and minds and bodies and our spirits and souls. He gives gifts to the church such as prophets and evangelists. Could there not be gifts dispersed for different areas or leadership- coaching, pastoring, counseling, therapy- to reach our different parts from different angles. I have had to work through much trauma, but have also functioned in leadership right along with it. Though the concepts in the book are simplistic and basic, they can still be profound the truth of it. I have a coach, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, a spiritual director, a best friend and a community. I have the quiet presence of the Spirit and the loud chaos where I cannot hear God anywhere. These are all paths that lead to wholeness and healing and clarifying of my identity. We can sometimes just sit and breathe and feel the wind on our skin and be silent and still and really hear what we are trying to say within ourselves. We can be safe in his presence with the trauma tucked away for a little bit in order to recharge and find peace for our weary souls, minds and bodies. Can we turn it off sometimes? If it becomes still will we be overcome by the suffocating fear or can we trust God is with us? Can we let go? Are we the savior? Or is that title for Jesus alone? Can the trinity surround us as we move forward (or backward) or do we want to frantically run out on our own with constant longing for protection and safety?
What if we sit in the of love God, would we be okay with just that? Maybe, Occam’s razor got it right.
Hey Jess! Thank you for your honest thoughts and reflections. Maybe my example may help?
When someone has cancer, they don’t want to be treated by someone who is a first aider who has studied for an 8-day course. They hope they will have a team of people who all have different skills and callings and work as a team. To be treated for cancer, we need a receptionist in the hospital, a radiographer, a Doctor, a surgeon, a nurse and a porter. All are vital, and it’s not a hierarchy as few want to do other people’s jobs so it’s not a power game as its about helping people.
When I gave birth, I didn’t want an anaesthetist because I wanted a midwife, as they were the most highly trained for that process. But knowing our different roles and the journey to be in those roles is essential for safety and healing.
I question how discipleship has been moved out of churches into private coaching businesses? I feel devastated because my understanding of churches was that pastors form a pastoral strategy to make disciples of all nations. We disciple people to help them become who they are created to be and then make disciples.
I have so much to say, and it’s part of a new book, so I will leave it for now, but i do believe we all have a part to play and we all need each other.
The examples are helpful. I see what you mean. The lines get fuzzy.