Identity and Connection
My son was diagnosed with autism in 2004, at the age of 5. I would tell people, “My son has autism.” I would not say, “My son is autistic.” There is a subtle difference between these two statements. One is descriptive. “My son has blue eyes. My son has blond hair. My son has autism.” The other refers to identity. We found out three years ago that my daughter also is autistic. She prefers to speak of it as identity. More and more, those who have autism are speaking about it in terms of identity. There are no longer considered to be degrees of autism. You either are autistic, or you are not. In the ever increasing options of connectivity, people are seeking connection. Brené Brown writes, “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”[i]
We seek connection, yet we do not know how to connect. I think this stems from the problem of identity and it explains why we so desperately seek out ways to identify ourselves with others. In his book The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution, Carl R. Trueman writes, “Every age has had its darkness and its dangers. The task of the Christian is not to whine about the moment in which he or she lives but to understand its problems and respond appropriately to them.”[ii] Identity, or maybe the lack of identity is one of the problems of the post-modern world.
Trueman writes a narrative of the history of the sexual revolution, citing its roots farther back than most people realize.
Central to my argument has been the notion that the LBGTQ+ issues that now dominate our culture and our politics are simply symptoms of a deeper revolution in what it means to be a self. The LGBTQ+ movement arises out of the sexual revolution, and the sexual revolution arises out of the kinds of philosophical ideas and trends that can be traced from Rousseau through the Romantics to Freud and then the New Left.[iii]
The concept of identity is key to understanding the sexual revolution. “But the LBGTQ+ discussion is much deeper than that because it connects to matters of identity, of who we think we are at the most basic level. And the problem is that expressive individualism, manifested as sexual identity, is the way the world shapes us all.”[iv]
I see in my children’s generation a fluidity in gender identity. My daughter has one friend who has changed her/their name so many times that I cannot remember what to call them. Yet, if I try and call this person by their given name, it is considered insulting, even if I am just talking to my daughter about them. That name is their “dead name.” My daughter has another friend who goes by both male and female names that can be switched up on a whim. He/She/They consider himself/herself/themselves gender fluid. This friend will dress masculine or feminine depending on mood. I am trying to learn, trying to be sensitive, trying to be understanding. Honestly, I do not get it. To me, gender refers to biology – either XX or XY chromosomes. To my daughter and her friends, gender refers to identity.
Trueman’s book has fascinated me. Learning about the history and seeing how far back the story goes reminds me of Ecclesiastes 1:9, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Trueman writes, “Understanding the times is a precondition of responding appropriately to the times. And understanding the times requires a knowledge of the history that has led up to the present.” [v] I wonder how we might use an understanding of this history and the times in which we live to make an impact? We are made in the image of God. What does this mean to someone struggling to find identity based in sexuality? How share the love of God with a community that has been so hurt by the church that they want nothing to do with God?
In his conclusion, Trueman writes, “Each of us is, in a sense, the sum total of the network of relationships we have with others and with our environment.” [vi] It is in our relationships that we find identity and connection. For me, the answer to sharing the love of God rests in being a presence in my community, in stepping out and loving my neighbor. I leave you with this quote by Bob Goff:
“But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It’s a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright.”[vii]
[i] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, (New York: Penguin Random House, 2012), 8.
[ii] Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution. (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020), 30.
[iii] Trueman, 384-385.
[iv] Trueman, 390.
[v] Trueman, 31.
[vi] Trueman, 404.
[vii] Bob Goff, Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World. (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2012), 9.
About the Author
Becca Hald
Becca is an ordained Foursquare minister, serving as the Online Community Pastor at Shepherd's House Church. She has over twenty-five years of leadership experience both inside and outside the church. Becca has served her community in many capacities ranging from Administrative Assistant and Children’s Ministry Director to Secretary and President of multiple school organizations. She and her husband, Andrew have been married for over 25 years. They have two adult children, Drew and Evelyn. Her great passion is to equip others, to raise awareness about mental health, and to help reduce the negative stigma surrounding mental health issues. In her free time, she loves going to Disneyland, reading, sewing, and making cards.One response to “Identity and Connection”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Becca,
I like that you underscore the importance of relationships in shaping identity and fostering connection. That fact that you conclude with a quote by Bob Goff, emphasizing the sacrificial and present love that reflects God’s own love is icing on the cake.