I wasn’t ready for this…
For most of my life, I was a people-pleaser. It was hard for me to say “no” to others. I wanted to be liked and hoped that everyone around me would view me positively. As a freshman at Pacific Union College in California, I found this school to be much larger than the high school I had attended. I wanted to fit in and make a difference at this new school. My positivity and friendliness helped me gain many friends, leading me to decide to run for student body president. I didn’t know if I would be elected, but after giving my speech in front of two thousand people and dealing with a lot of paperwork, I was elected by the students into office!
As the newly elected student body president of Pacific Union College, I was thrilled. I knew most of the students on campus, and everyone knew me. However, I faced something new that I had never encountered before: saying “no” to many people and requests that came my way. Learning to be firm and honest with my colleagues was challenging, and I wasn’t sure if I was the right person for the job anymore. Then, out of nowhere, the school chaplain joined me on this journey. Out of everything I have ever done job-wise until today, my student body presidency was the most challenging year of my life. Yet, thanks to my chaplain, Laffit, I am a much better learner today than I would have been without his coaching during my presidency. He coached me on how to run meetings, deal with detractors, handle difficulties, and balance school and work. Years later, thanks to all that coaching, I was inspired to pursue a path in pastoral ministry.
Reading “Mining for Gold” by Tom Camacho reminded me of my chaplain and his coaching. As Camacho wrote, “Coaching is a way of partnering with God in calling forth the gold in others.” I needed a mentor I hadn’t realized I needed, and that is exactly what Chaplain Laffit did for me. I thought my friendliness with students was all I required, yet when it came time to make decisions and run events, I suddenly felt stuck and alone. My chaplain believed in me and never gave up on me. He pointed me to Jesus and His way of leadership. The book states, “We are not called to fix people; we are called to walk with them as God does His refining work.”
We should not be ashamed of wanting a mentor in our lives. The book not only gives us a way to coach ourselves but also emphasizes how our lives improve when we speak positivity into others and highlight their good qualities.
#Camacho, Tom Mining for Gold
#DLGP04
About the Author
Ivan Ostrovsky
5 responses to “I wasn’t ready for this…”
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Ivan,
It’s great to hear about the way God puts people in our lives at just the right moment. You touch on a good point about “shame”. Why do you think people feel a sense of shame or insufficiency for having a coach?
Darren, it’s so interesting that a part of “shame” caught your eye, and I’m glad it did. Many people are afraid to share their struggles with others. We live in a society that likes to put its best foot forward, making others think they are doing well, yet there is a war within. In my leadership story at Pacific Union College (PUC), I didn’t even realize I needed a coach. When I was elected as student body president, I was afraid of showing my weaknesses. I didn’t want others to know that I was unsure of what I was doing, especially after they voted for me. I am so thankful that my chaplain came to me, showed me my areas of weakness, and helped me work on those by walking alongside my leadership. After that experience, I was proud to have an excellent mentor, even though it wasn’t so at the beginning of my leadership journey at PUC.
It is interesting that we are “masks” to get people to believe that we are something that we are not, whether that is we are confident, strong, smart, etc. It can become a heavy burden. It feels like there may be a connection to a threshold concept of who we really are in Christ. In Him, we have no shame, yet it seems so difficult to find satisfaction in that.
Ivan, I commend you on taking a risk and ultimately entering that leadership role at PUC. It has led to a formative time for you and a foundational element to your success in the role and serving others as part of the process. How did it feel to say “no” to others? What was that change like for you, and how did you keep yourself honest during that transition? Let your “no” be a “no” from Matthew…
Michael, those are excellent questions. To answer them, I first need to explain why I was a “Yes” man. I genuinely wanted everyone to think positively of me. If I sensed that someone was unhappy with me because I didn’t agree to assist them with a task or project, I found it difficult to sleep at night. Thus, when I made an effort to help others and provide the support they needed, I took pleasure in hearing them speak highly of me to others. When I started saying “no” in my new leadership role, it was quite challenging because I had never been this vulnerable with others before. I learned how to manage my time better, prioritize my team, and the result was much more effective than when I was a “Yes” man. It pushed me to understand what my true priorities were. It was easy to say “Yes” in areas where I recognized the importance of my time and to say “No” in areas that I believed were less important for my time.