I miss my first team!
Simon P. Walker’s concept of undefended leadership highlights how authentic leaders foster growth in others, even when self-doubt arises. My experience playing soccer in seminary serves as an excellent example of this. When I first joined the team, I was eager to play with my fellow seminarians and test my skills. Even though I knew I wasn’t the best player, I wanted to have fun and score some goals. The captain of my team embodied what Walker describes as an undefended leader. He didn’t try to control or pressure me; instead, he led with encouragement, even though I wasn’t performing at my best. He consistently reminded me that I was a talented player and believed my presence made the team significantly better. Even when my performance waned, he uplifted me, expressing admiration for my contributions. Thanks to his encouragement, my teammates began to reflect his positive attitude, and the entire team became a space where I felt appreciated and supported. That belief in me boosted my confidence, and before I realized it, I was scoring some impressive goals that I never imagined I could achieve!
Walker shares in “Leading out of Who You Are” that true leadership isn’t about outward appearances—it’s about character. He writes, “Character is not what you show the world; it is what remains when all else is stripped away.”¹ My captain embodied this by prioritizing teamwork and growth over perfection. Even when I made mistakes, he focused on my dedication rather than my failures. His leadership style strengthened Walker’s belief that leaders assist others in building resilience and confidence. His encouragement swept through the team like wildfire, creating an atmosphere of support. This aligns perfectly with what Walker writes: “Leadership is not taken; it is given by those who trust us.”² Thanks to that trust, I believed in myself more and discovered potential I never knew I had.
Because of how well I was doing, a team of Slavic players noticed me and wanted for me to join them next season. I agreed to join them and was looking for a great season. When next season arrived, my experience with the Slavic team was a completely different experience. Their leadership was the opposite—it was what Walker would call defended leadership. They had high expectations, but rather than creating a supportive environment, they depended on fear and criticism. Every time I made a mistake, I felt belittled, and my confidence took a hit. Unlike my former captain, who fostered trust and motivation, this team’s leadership emphasized control and results, ultimately affecting my performance negatively. Walker articulates this well by stating, “The paradox of leadership is that the more we attempt to safeguard ourselves, the less able we become to lead others.”³ The leaders of my new team were more focused on protecting their egos than on empowering their players, and it was evident.
Walker’s insights on leadership and identity resonated deeply with this experience. He states, “Until we are at peace with who we are, we will always lead from a place of insecurity.”⁴ My first captain radiated confidence and self-assurance, allowing him to lead with encouragement. In contrast, the leaders of the second team seemed to operate from a position of insecurity, using pressure and negativity rather than inspiration. Walker emphasizes that insecure leaders transmit their fears onto those they lead, which is exactly what I experienced. The hostile environment made me regret leaving my former team and underscored just how significantly leadership influences a team’s morale and performance.
Reflecting on my experience, it perfectly illustrates Walker’s main point in The Future of Leadership: the best leaders don’t hoard power—they build trust and uplift others. He writes, “The leaders of tomorrow will not be those who wield power, but those who cultivate trust and give power away.”⁵ My first captain did just that by creating an environment where I could grow and succeed. The leaders of my second team attempted to lead through fear, which resulted in the opposite effect. This reminds me of what Jesus teaches about leadership in Mark 9:35: “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” True leadership is not about domination; it is about serving others. 2 Timothy 2:24-25 also echoes this, stating that “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed.” My first captain embodied this type of leadership, and consequently, his team flourished. In contrast, my second team, which relied on fear, ultimately failed. This entire experience showed me that undefended leadership is what truly brings out the best in people.
Footnotes
¹ Walker, Simon P. Leading Out of Who You Are, Piquant Editions, 2007, p. 37.
² Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, p. 63.
³ Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, p. 51.
⁴ Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, p. 78.
⁵ Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, p. 138.
About the Author
Ivan Ostrovsky
6 responses to “I miss my first team!”
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Dear Ivan,
I like your very practical examples of approaches to leadership in coaching sports teams. I recently returned to playing in a local indoor league and chose the recreational co-ed league to be able to intentionally enjoy the time with people more (and also because I can’t keep up with 25 year olds anymore!).
I remember reading in Poole’s Leadersmithing that being a delight to work with will generally be our best bet for encouraging excellence in others. Contining the football analogy, perhasps rather than the scoreline being the actual goal, being a delight to work with and being our best selves is actually the end goal, and often we get the scoreline thrown in as a bonus byproduct of healthy relationships when we live the undefended way.
Joff, I totally agree with you! It feels so much tougher to keep up with 25-year-olds these days, doesn’t it? Looking back, I was definitely one of those people who wanted to win more than anything else. But the more I play team sports, the more I appreciate the true value of good teamwork. If we don’t learn how to collaborate as a team, our performance really takes a hit!
Ivan,
I won’t share what soccer league I have played in recently, but let’s just say it’s north of 50. I have played and coached kids for several years.
You felt well-coached and cared for by the first team and their captain. What compelled you to switch teams? Was it the opportunity to play with what appeared to be a better team? Did you feel more valued by the offer? Sometimes, these switching costs can be high, and it seems that you changed where your perceived value of the switch was more significant than staying with the value of the first team.
A big shoutout to you for joining in! It’s completely normal for people to feel hesitant about participating, thinking they might not be skilled enough, but there’s so much admiration for those who give it a go. I have such fond memories of my first team; they were truly amazing, and I enjoyed every moment with them. My decision to switch teams was influenced by my desire to connect with them since they were all Slavic, mostly Ukrainians, and I thought it would be a wonderful fit being from Belarus (Eastern Europe). However, I did end up regretting that choice as I realized they weren’t just playing for the love of the game, but rather to outshine everyone else. It’s a valuable lesson that attitude really matters, and sadly, the camaraderie among my teammates was lacking. Nevertheless, I gained some important insights from that experience! 🙂
Well said, Ivan. This quote from Walker stood out for me: “Until we are at peace with who we are, we will always lead from a place of insecurity.” What are some practical ways a leader can help rebuild a trust-filled and healthy environment for the team they are leading?
Reflecting on the quote you shared, it truly begins with the leader. It requires time, patience, and a genuine love for our neighbors, especially those who are on the same team as we are. I really cherish 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which beautifully reminds us, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…” This passage resonates deeply with me, and I believe it applies to every aspect of our lives, including sports!