I did not forget the citations; I left them out on purpose.
I had a goal and a plan, and it was all starting to come together. I knew I wanted to internalize this week’s material and write better than last week, hoping that last week’s blog post was slightly better than two weeks ago. All that needed to happen was to start typing out my introductory story about a recent gold panning trip with my son, who was 10 years old at the time.
The story would start with us loading up my 2005 Toyota Tundra, an eight-cylinder gas hog, and departing on a two-hour drive deep into the mountains, hoping we would strike gold. I had planned to include the part about the old timer we met in the woods while mining and how he had what felt like a stereotypical ability to carry an entire conversation without the Marlboro falling out of his mouth. This talent had undoubtedly been refined while panning for gold over the last five decades.
I was ready to draw parallels between our experiences digging through virgin bedrock with a garden shovel, the token box of Band-Aids that failed to keep the dirt from sticking to our mining wounds, and the week’s material. It would have vivid imagery and a sophisticated feel, like the writing of my new cohort friends—or at least that was the master plan.
My citations and key points were identified and ready to be linked for additional verification that I had spent due time trying to understand and attempting to process Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders Through Coaching by Tom Camacho. Then, the phone rang. I quickly silenced the call because I had work to do. Within seconds, it rang again. Again, I silenced it. Then, a third time and again, I silenced it. It was a friend that I had not heard from in almost two months. If I am honest with myself, I knew the call was important the first time it rang, but I had things to do. Boxes to be checked. Papers to be written. Learning to be accomplished.
The Holy Spirit said, “Call him!” I quickly finished a fleeting note to ensure I did not forget what I had been working on and returned the call. When he answered the phone with a shaky “Hey,” I knew he was not in a good place. There had not been a lot of good places for him after being released by his employer almost 3 months ago for significant deception. It was already after 9:00 pm, yet he asked, “Can you come over?”. Of course, I obliged. On the short ten-minute drive to his house, I prayed fervently, pleading with the Holy Spirit regarding the principles I had just studied.
Specifically, that He would:
- Open my eyes
- Help me to LISTEN to my friend and Him
- Allow me to formulate real, meaningful, and open-ended questions
- Give wisdom in drawing out the next steps
My friend was waiting outside in the dark when I arrived, enduring the bitter cold. His kids were inside getting ready for bed, so we quietly slipped into a vehicle in his driveway. Over the next two hours, the car slowly filled with tears, questions, and new realizations, all fueled by the Holy Spirit in a way I rarely have seen. It happened, as Tom alluded to in his interviews, videos, and book. The Holy Spirit was answering my fervent and desperate prayer. He faithfully made Himself known despite my inability, incompetence, self-doubt, and inexperience. He allowed me to ask okay questions that somehow went past flesh, the pain, and the hurt and started to brush off the dirty gold that had been lost for almost 30 years. Not only did He allow me to glimpse that gold, but He also allowed my dear friend to glimpse it deep inside himself! It was truly supernatural to watch. The Holy Spirit reminded me in those beautiful moments that this kind of gold is so, so valuable.
I believe the Holy Spirit worked outside of time to orchestrate the last two weeks’ readings and principles. Perfectly aligning them with what He was doing in the heart and with the emotions of my dear friend. It was as though He had planned it all ages ago and had equipped me through this learning process to meet a hurting friend in the perfect time and space. Identifying liminal thoughts and inconsistencies in my brother’s thought process and subsequent articulations almost felt surreal. Ten days ago, I had no clue that was even a word. Now, I know it and can see it. The same is true with threshold concepts that left him stuck and unable to see a way forward. The mere ability to label and define it brought peace and understanding to him. Thankfully, during that challenging moment, I had a tiny toolbelt of coaching concepts to draw on. Suddenly, a syntopical leadership web made sense.
On the drive home, my heart overflowed with thankfulness to the Holy Spirit for allowing me to learn through a meaningful experience. Today, as I reflect, I see my shortfalls in a way I have not noticed. I have not been looking at people hoping to find gold but shamefully looking at them as tools for production and accomplishment. I can’t unsee that now.
I may be making a mistake by not attempting to write an academic-style paper today, but after what I have seen the Holy Spirit do in the last 24 hours, it seemed disingenuous to subject Him to my academic efforts. So, for this week, I chose to subject my academic efforts to the Holy Spirit, and to that end, I did not forget the citations; I left them out on purpose.
About the Author
Darren Banek
8 responses to “I did not forget the citations; I left them out on purpose.”
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I thought I’d take a break, log on to GFU, and check a few boxes. Your title made me curious. It is both exciting and humbling to be used by His Spirit.
We see just-in-time equipping through out scripture — a ram in the bush, a donkey waiting to be ridden, manna (what is it?). Who would have thought that ‘liminal’ would be so useful so quickly. Thanks for sharing your heart and life, Darren.
I absolutely love this post. Seeing your learning apply so richly and directly to a real-life, painful situation within ten days is extraordinary, and I imagine it will make all those facilitating the course grin with delight.
I think there is little more magnificent than being used by the Holy Spirit to bring hope and comfort to a person who has reached the end of themselves and is looking for change. What an honour. Thank you for sharing the story and thank goodness you made the call. I love this so much.
I truly appreciate the intriguing experience you shared about what happened in the last two weeks. It’s such a great story, and I’m really glad you shared it with us. The Holy Spirit works in amazing ways. Look at how He used our reading assignment in relation to your personal life experience; it makes it a thousand times better. I thought it was wonderful how you ignored the phone so many times, even though you knew it could be something important; yet, I’m glad that you eventually returned that call. You may not have written an academic post, but you provided a great example of true friendship, which is what Camacho’s book is about.
Thanks for sharing!
Definitely not my proudest moment to initially silence the phone calls. I was worried that if I was to take the call, I could not finish the schoolwork. But He was faithful in returning the time investment and allowing me to stay on track!
This is a beautiful and inspiring thing you have written. Thank you for sincerely showing the Holy Spirit as the one who enables us to do the gold finding.
There is something so redemptive and hopeful in about the 30 year lost gold that was found in your friend. It reminds me of the parables of lost things in Luke 15. God searches and seeks for the lost things, worth more than even gold.
I too have seen how the Spirit has orchestrated parts of our story to correlate at the right time. I have seen the things we have been learning correspond to what happens at work, how I change the way I teach to my theology students and in conversation with my son. He is truly the vine to remain in.
I appreciate your humble heart and how you direct others to the beautiful presence of God.
Jess, I can not help but wonder how much of “Him” is happening around me all the time that I am too oblivious to see. Entering this program has definitely impacted the way I engage with learning/knowledge and application. It sounds like the same has been happening in your world as well. It will be interesting to see what else He does in the coming years!
Darren, thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to take the lead and sharing this with us! Seeing this put into action at the precise moment is a powerful statement.
If you look at our last three weeks together, there has been a lot of focus on clock speed, less is more (Adler), and managing overall hours. We learned that we must invest appropriately in this new chapter and dedicate deep work time to accomplishing our weekly class requirements. It’s been a non-negotiable. The phone call broke the mold and put context into action! It was truly amazing! Well done stepping into the moment and leaning in!
Mike, your comment reminds me of the difference between ‘chronos’ time (mechanical divisions of eternity) and ‘kairos’ time (moments, seasons, eras). I need those reminders to value the kairos!
Darren, thanks for showing that, even better than learning from and citing someone else’s work, God is actively at work in your own life as you say “yes” to the Holy Spirit.