I Am A Racist
I am racist. Yes, I admit it. I struggle and push against my racism. I do not want to be racist, but it is there. In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, I told her that I think that anyone who claims to not be racist is racist. We all have minor or major views of self-grandiosity. When I was younger, I would have told you that I was not racist. I would have said this while crossing the street to avoid a black man or silently judging the people speaking Spanish while waiting in line. These were unconscious acts because of my upbringing, because of what my parents taught me. That does not excuse this behavior or make it right.
During Covid, I attended a Zoom discussion panel on racism put on by the Foursquare Scholars Fellowship. As we were concluding, one of the panelists said something that has stuck with me. It was something to the effect of, “If we are still talking about this a year from now, this forum will have been for nothing.” She was encouraging us to action. Why is it that we still struggle as a nation with racism? The Civil War was over a hundred and fifty years ago. The Civil Rights Movement was decades ago. What is it that continues this horrible cycle? I think that, at least to some degree, we find the answer in narcissism and shame.
In talking about narcissistic behaviors, vulnerability and shame expert Brené Brown wrote in her book Daring Greatly, “Shame is more likely to be the cause of these behaviors, not the cure.”[i] As I have processed shame and racism in America through the lens of Shelby Steele’s book Shame: How America’s Past Sins Have Polarized Our Country, I see a connection between racism and narcissistic behavior.
Narcissism is a personality disorder with diagnostic criteria including:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement
- Lacks empathy
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes[ii]
While racism is not discussed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, these specific traits of narcissists are similar to racism. At the heart of racism is a belief that I am better than anyone else, that my way is the best way. We discussed this idea when we talked about Meyer and Cultural Mapping. It is a selfish way of thinking.
Steele’s argument is that our recognition of this behavior, this history of racism brings shame. He writes, “White America was like a man who had been leaning rakishly on a fireplace mantle, chatting amicably with friends, when suddenly the mantle had simply collapsed, and he found himself flailing in midair against gravity itself.”[iii] This flailing causes embarrassment and shame. It leads to behavior to minimize those feelings. The man might yell at someone for startling him, claim that he was shoved, or blame poor craftsmanship for the mantle falling.
The reality we live in is that the blinders are gone. We see racism for what it is. We understand how our ancestors behaved and know it was wrong. Yet we are also still taught and still teach those same behaviors. Many are so subtle and part of our identity that we do not even see them, such as our vocabulary. Have you ever done a “Chinese fire drill,” called someone an “Indian giver,” or said, “hold on a cotton-picking minute?” I am not proud to admit that I have. When we say things like this, we continue the cycle of racism.
I am conflicted when it comes to calling out these behaviors. I believe is important to say something, but if, as Brown suggests, this continues the cycle and leads to more actions of racism, what does it help? What does it do to highlight the wrongness of an action to a person who does not want to listen? I think it speaks our character. It says we are not willing to allow the cycle to continue. We will not let the person continue to feign ignorance. And just maybe, by modeling a behavior of change, we will inspire others to change. Maybe one time instead of feeling shame, the person will feel conviction and conviction leads to change. As Steele puts it, “Challenging our traditions and conventions, our entire way of life, was a first step toward recovering the moral authority we had lost to our hypocrisies.”[iv]
Paul reminds us in Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (ESV) I desire to draw ever closer to this picture of Jesus. I am a racist and I think being able to admit that is the first step toward not being one. And I humbly ask you, my friends and colleagues, to please call me out when I say or do anything racist.
[i] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, (New York: Penguin Random House, 2012), iBooks page 42 of 441
[ii] Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fifth Edition (DSM-5) (Arlington: American Psychiatric Association, 2013), pg. 669-670
[iii] Shelby Steele, Shame: How America’s Past Sins Have Polarized Our Country. (New York: Basic Books, 2015). iBooks pg. 101 of 249
[iv] Ibid., iBooks pg. 105 of 249
About the Author
Becca Hald
Becca is an ordained Foursquare minister, serving as the Online Community Pastor at Shepherd's House Church. She has over twenty-five years of leadership experience both inside and outside the church. Becca has served her community in many capacities ranging from Administrative Assistant and Children’s Ministry Director to Secretary and President of multiple school organizations. She and her husband, Andrew have been married for over 25 years. They have two adult children, Drew and Evelyn. Her great passion is to equip others, to raise awareness about mental health, and to help reduce the negative stigma surrounding mental health issues. In her free time, she loves going to Disneyland, reading, sewing, and making cards.7 responses to “I Am A Racist”
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Becca,
Thank you for educating us on the DSMV. This encourages me to get out my manual and use this as a resource outside of my clinical practice. You help us to see how narcissism relates to racism.
I like how you incorporated all your sources.
I know you to be someone who wants to live out Phil. 2:3-4.
🙂 Kristy
Thank you Kristy. You are always so encouraging!
Becca, your connection of racism and narcissism was a lightbulb moment for me. I am trying to think through indicators of racism from the narcissism list you gave. So I listed those narcissism criteria and put underneath each one the first three. When you have a chance, can you think of the other two? And if you have better examples, I’d love to see them!
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
(Racism’s version – One’s ethnicity being superior)
Requires excessive admiration
(Racism’s version – Ethno-centricity)
Has a sense of entitlement
(Racism’s version – White privilege [or the denial of white privilege in order to maintain one’s privilege])
Lacks empathy
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
David, thank you for taking this one step further and bring examples of the narcissistic traits. Your examples are spot on. As for the other two, here are my thoughts:
Lacks empathy: racism version – I think of all the people who said something to the effect of “he was a criminal,” or “he deserved it” about George Floyd.
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes: racism version – every look, every snide remark, the red line district in LA
Becca,
Very insightful post. I just read that the American Psychology Association posted an apology for failing to challenge racism. https://www.apa.org/about/policy/racism-apology
(This is more a question to think about.)
While confronting racism one comment or incident at a time is powerful and needful – what do we say to the estimated 11 million poor children (mostly children of color) who are living in poverty or the millions of Black and Hispanic men wrongly convicted or serving time because they couldn’t pay court fees and now will not be able to provide for their families?
Thank you Audrey. You are right. Calling out one incident at a time is not enough. Posting support on social media is not enough. I am at a loss as to what will be enough or what I can do. It would be easy to hide behind the mantra, “that is not my calling…” but that is just another way of ignoring the issue. For now, I will continue to make an impact as I can one person at a time and pray for opportunities to make a greater impact.
https://raycenter.wp.drake.edu/2018/06/29/the-starfish-story/
Becca,
Thank you for your post. Taking ownership of who we are and our own thoughts and positions is a key place to start. How do you think we as leaders can equip others with a sense of empathy that is needed in our interactions with each other?