Humility and Loyalty
More than three decades ago, I was introduced to a profound leadership statement. It said if a leader is out in front and no one is following them, then that leader is simply taking a walk. Throughout my time as a leader, submitting to leadership, learning, and growing, I can honestly attest to this truth. I have witnessed leaders operate with a false sense of competence and security, and many others maneuvering through isolation and frustration, only to arrive at leadership derailment. However, a common denominator that weaved through many of these cases, failed relationships.
Edgar and Peter Schein unpack a counter-prescriptive approach to leadership by introducing Humble Leadership, The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust to the equation. The duo challenges the prevailing paradigm of hierarchical, transactional leadership by advancing a relational model rooted in trust, openness, and vulnerability. At the heart of the matter, we are challenged to recognize how influence is driven by connection and relationship.
Enter Level 1 and Level two relationships. In Level 1 these type of relationships based on or various roles are the bulk of our daily routines. [1] ” In Level 2 relationships, these connections are built on openness, trust, and genuine dialogue rather than transactional exchange. [2] Shein suggests a Level 2 type relationship is out of reach for many in work environments “because we find it neither safe nor rewarding. [3]
Recently, in my secular context, we were asked to fill out a survey. One of the questions pertained to employment desires and whether the individual/ employee preferred an authentic relationship with leadership. Amazingly, most aligned themselves with keeping the relationships transactional rather than relational, with the main stumbling block being overcoming the fear of being fired for being too personal. As I mulled over the results, I began to lament over how many people are now being forced to contend with inauthentic relationships in the workplace. These numbers are ever-increasing, but how do we stem the tide?
The Nerve of Humility and Loyalty
At first glance, humility and nerve may seem contradictory. Edwin Friedman in A Failure of Nerve critiques leaders who are overly anxious, reactive, and eager to please, arguing that authentic leadership requires a willingness to take stands and resist the pull of chronically anxious systems. He warns against the temptation to be “nice” at the expense of being clear, decisive, and self-differentiated. At the heart of humble leadership is the requirement of accountability, the acknowledgement of dependency, admitting mistakes, and inviting input. This is a nerve of its own, more so than engaging in defensiveness, inauthentic relationships, and authoritarian control.
There is something to be said about the power of relationships and openness as these are the appetizers to loyalty. I was very intrigued and inspired by Thunderbirds retired colonel JV Venable’s perspective on the Air Force’s behind the scenes account of their “drifting” maneuver. (Did I forget to mention I loved every Top Gun movie?) Developing loyalty requires a foundation of mutual commitment, but the magic of loyalty relies on you getting to really know your people and what makes them tick. [4] Leadership teaches loyalty is not something that is won overnight but rather garnered over time.
When someone senses the caring of a leader, many are encouraged to trust and follow leadership. Reframing this through Schein’s lens, humility strengthens authority by rooting it in trust rather than coercion. Authority that emerges from genuine respect and credibility is more resilient than authority enforced by position alone. As my NPO centers on the absence of young adults in inner city churches, a recurring point arises: authority enforced by position alone is flatly rejected. In the eyes of others, young adults and youth, rank and title may not always yield the desired result, as people seek to be valued, heard, and respected. I once was in a courtroom and watched a judge prepare to sentence a young man to contempt as he would not stop talking after the judge ordered him to be quiet. An outreach worker for the community intervened, and the young man snapped into silence. The young mans lawyer later inquired as to how he was able to get his clients attention and change of behavior, he would later mention these young people aren’t moved by titles they are moved by respect and love.
Peter Northouse offers a parallel perspective, emphasizing that effective leadership is not merely about influence but about value creation. He urges leaders to consistently ask: Are we impacting those we serve by adding value to their lives and work? {5] Northouse highlights that leadership requires practicing beneficence, an ethical duty to help others achieve their goals which aligns closely with the humility and service Schein’s embeds in his relational model. The reason this young man responded to the outreach worker rather than the judge is a testament to the relationship.
As we prepare for this closing leg of leadership, my focus will be more keenly on the relational aspect of leadership and how I can better serve. If you had to focus on one quality of humble leadership, what would it be?
[1] Edgar H. Schein and Peter A. Schein, Humble Leadership, Second Edition: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust, Second Edition (Oakland: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2023), 33.
[2] Schein and Schein, 33.
[3] Schein and Schein, 33.
[4] Schein and Schein, 67.
[5] Peter G. Northouse, Leadership: Theory and Practice, 9th ed. (Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, 2022), 254..
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Daren Jaime
5 responses to “Humility and Loyalty”
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Daren,
I appreciate your comments regarding the survey from your secular job. Do we invest time in getting to know our leaders and vice versa only to be let go by the one we trusted.
As a pastor, have you ever struggled with Level 2 or 3 relationships in regard to what you personally share with members of your congregation. Many people want a pastor who appears to always have it together and are destroyed when they find out their pastor struggles.
Secondly, have you noticed a loss of respect for you or fellow pastors. This is really about your level of influence on people. As people turn to social media and other forms of media for guidance, do the words that you speak from the pulpit ever seem to fall upon deaf ears?
Hey Daren,
I have a confession that I’m a little embarrassed to admit—but in the spirit of transparency and authenticity: I’ve never seen a Top Gun movie. Maybe I can fix that before our advance in Cape Town.
I really appreciated your point about how young people aren’t moved by titles but by respect and love. Joel made a similar observation in his post about Generations Z and Alpha, especially their attunement to justice, identity and mental health.
As you continue to lead younger generations, I’m curious—have you found yourself adjusting your leadership style in any way to reflect what matters most to them?
Hi Daren, I agree that there are leaders who operate out of a false sense of ability and security. In your pastoral role, do you see this in church members as well? I don’t think paid leaders are the only ones that could benefit from more collaboration and level 2 relationships, say with committees or boards.
Hello, Jaime, thank you for your post, it is very informative and I have learn much from it. At the end of your post you highlighted the importance of ‘relational aspect of leadership.’ I do think that it is very important to focus there since relation and connection (as you mentioned) are important to the role of a leader. By the way, I like your opening statement ‘…if a leader is out in front and no one is following…then he/she is simply taking a walk.’ So true and the sad part there are a lot of leaders don’t want to accept it.
To answer, if I had to focus on one quality of humble leadership, that would be ‘making connections and strengthening relationships.’ Thank you, Jaime!
Hi Daren, I struggle with being appropriately vulnerable and entering into the kind of dialog which fosters Level Two relationships. I need to sift carefully through disclosing personal information separately from the idea of sharing something “needy”. I have a horror of being “needy” that gets in the way of just being human. When I was leading a staff team this got in the way, not because I was too authoritarian with them, but because I some looked up to me overmuch. Collaboration would have been enhanced with a greater sense of peer-to-peer at the table. What about you? How have you struggled with Humble Leadership?