How a 10 Minute Coaching Session Shaped my Life
I had been asking the same question to dozens of people at a conference regarding refugees. “Where did you go to school and why should I go there?” I was searching for direction but could not figure out if the Holy Spirit was directing me to a doctoral program or somewhere else. Most answers I heard were similar and consisted of how great their school was. I began to see some trends. Then, I asked one of the speakers, Dr. Mark Glanville, the same question. I talked with him for only ten minutes but that short conversation changed my mindset as he dug deep looking for gold hidden in my quest. He responded with a question of his own, “What passions has God given you and what giftings did he equip you with?” I shared my passions and giftings. He then casually told me his school would not be the right place for me. In fact, he told me there was no program in North America that would fit within the Venn diagram of my passions. “That is exactly why you must continue in school. The academy needs someone with your passions and giftings,” he responded. “Seek the direction of the Holy Spirit. He will guide you to the right program.”
Dr. Glanville did not tell me what to do or where to go. Instead, he helped me figure out why I was going anywhere in the first place. Essentially, he exemplified the insights of mining for gold in a leader (Camacho 2019, 5). He knew that gold can be found anywhere. He opened his eyes and discerned with his spirit what I was truly looking for. He had learned how to draw out the potential in me. Finally, he was focused on developing more leaders. This short ten-minute coaching session was exactly what I needed to gain clarity and insight on the next step to take. It was not long after that conversation that I made the steps of enrolling in this program.
One aspect of Camacho’s book that I really appreciate is the need to rely on the Holy Spirit. Throughout his book he is reminding the reader that the goal is to learn where the Holy Spirit is working and to lean into that. He affirms that coaches should help leaders clarify where they are going (Camacho 2019, 28). Again, Camacho encourages the coach, “As coaching leaders, our role is to help them focus on the weightier issues of their lives: their identity, their calling, their character and their design” (Camacho 2019, 59).
A few years ago, I began to realize that the words I have spoken to some individuals carried much more weight than I ever realized. Friends would share with me questions I asked them and encouragement I gave them that set them on a new trajectory. I realized that I often did not even remember the conversation myself. As I have read Camacho’s book, I was reminded of the power that two simple actions have. The first action is active listening. I do not think I do this very well, but it is something I have learned that I need to become better at. The older I get the better I get at listening to others, but on the flip side the older I get the harder it is to hear others (thanks to fifteen years of working on a fire truck!). The second action is asking good questions. I find that asking the right question at the right time can truly be powerful as my interaction with Dr. Glanville demonstrates.
Another brilliant point of Camacho’s book is reminding the leader to live out who God has created you to be. He writes, “Finding my design set me free to live and serve others with peace and joy” (Camacho 2019, 124). Over the last year, I have taught a few classes on evangelism. I have become frustrated with so many Christian authors encouraging the Christian to be like Paul, Timothy, or Wesley. Too often, Christians try to emulate some of the great historical characters we read about. Yet, the Holy Spirit is not looking for another Paul. Instead, he is looking for me to be completely who I am designed to be. I am not a Paul. The Holy Spirit wants to use me through my successes and my failures. This does not mean there are not great lessons to be learned from the historical figures but we are to live out our own lives in our own spaces and cultures.
One aspect of Camacho’s book that I would have like to have seen covered is the idea of searching for and asking a person to be a coach. What should we look for in a coach? He writes about how to coach leaders and shares that he himself is coached. Yet, I find myself questioning what should I be looking for? Assuming I find a great coach, how do I make the most of my coaching session? Should a coach be a person who I am already acquainted with and might know me deeper or should a coach be someone who does not know me yet? Maybe it will be in these discussions that I find some of the answers to my questions I was left with.
References:
Camacho, Tom. 2019. Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching. First published. Nottingham: IVP.
About the Author
Adam Cheney
I grew up in California, spent five years living along the beautiful coast of Kenya and now find myself working with refugees in the snow crusted tundra of Minnesota. My wife and I have seven children, four of whom have been adopted. I spend my time drinking lots of coffee, working in my garden, and baking sourdough bread.22 responses to “How a 10 Minute Coaching Session Shaped my Life”
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Adam, as I read you post I thought of chapter 10 where Camacho talks about the sweet spot that everyone has where they are most productive. My guess is that you know where that is. Maybe the question is what do you want to do with it? Thanks for sharing a part of your journey.
Diane,
Great question. Yes, I am working in my sweet spot. A few years ago I did go through a leadership training and had a coach for a while. He helped me define a bit more of my sweet spot and encouraged me to work in it. I love the role I have right now, working with refugees, evangelizing among a refugee community and teaching/mobilizing the church to do the same. I do not think I will be doing this forever though and I am preparing myself for the next phase of life. I do not know what that will look like but for now, I am content doing exactly what I am meant to do.
Hi Adam,
‘Yet, the Holy Spirit is not looking for another Paul. Instead, he is looking for me to be completely who I am designed to be. I am not a Paul.’ The Holy Spirit wants to use me through my successes and my failures.” This statement reinforces how the 10-minute conversation with Dr. Mark Glanville played a pivotal role in shaping your current journey. In his own words, he brought depth and meaning to Psalm 139:13-14.
God intricately knitted you, God fearfully and wonderfully designed you for a specific purpose aligned with your passion, wiring, and capacity to bear fruit in service to God and His people. Dr. Mark recognized the GOLD within you and allowed the Holy Spirit to convey words of encouragement, to you.”
It is awesome that you have the opportunity to share such a meaningful conversation that has led you to this point. I am excited for you Adam.
Thanks Shela.
Hey Adam!
Great post and great reminder about remaining attentive to the Holy Spirit in our work with others. I’m curious how you are cultivating this practice? Are there techniques or questions that you work through as you are interacting with people that remind and reorient your attentiveness to the Holy Spirit at work?
Thanks again!
Ryan,
I do think that starting off each day in the word and prayer has guided me along throughout the day. When I have to go somewhere super early and I don’t have my time studying and reading with the Lord I feel off the whole day. Also, being in school is a constant reminder through the day as I am thinking about a recent book we read or work I need to do. It helps remind me of the role the Holy Spirit has in guiding us along.
I also think that spending 5 years in Kenya helped shape me to be more in tune with the way God is leading me. It is just a simple 5 year training plan. Move to Kenya, learn to survive, return to the US 5 years later.
Hi Adam. I, too, struggled for a while when looking for a life coach. There was the usual:
1. Prioritise credentials, such as certifications from reputable coaching organisations.
2. Identify relevant experience in your specific goals or challenges.
3. Effective communication skills, empathy, and a genuine commitment to your success are crucial.
4. On who encourages self-discovery, sets realistic goals, and provides constructive feedback.
5. Compatibility in terms of values and coaching style is essential for a strong coach-client relationship.
This seemed like an impossible task, so like a wise man, I asked my wife to step in and help. She found a friend of a friend who is a life coach. Not only does he have the above requisites, but he also coaches leaders in similar roles to me. He coaches both secular and Christian leaders at a very high level.
The deciding factor for me, though, was that I knew about him through friends. It wasn’t a wild stab in the dark, and it has proven to be a vital addition to my life. I am just in the process of signing him up for another year. It’s worth the effort searching for the right coach, and well worth the wait. Glyn
Thanks Glyn,
I can think of two men who I know that I might ask. One of them did some coaching for me a few years ago and it was helpful. Always good to ask your wife what her opinion is. I can ask mine, she’ll say it is a great idea and then ask which kid I want to leave home instead of taking on vacation so we can pay for it:)
Adam, love your post for lots of reasons. First, what a great story about the conversation that set you on a new trajectory. Words matter. Period. Too often we forget that, and we can’t. We are always representing Christ to the people with whom we speak; so listening well and asking good questions are critical.
You don’t have to share, but I confess I’m curious to know what your revealed gifting are? And how you are – or are planning to – use them for God? Identifying our holy and unique design is a gift in and of itself. As leaders, it’s important that we also be able to help others make those same identifications.
Debbie,
I have taken lots of spiritual giftings tests over the years and what has been most interesting is how they have changed over the last decade. I used to be the highest in the role of prophet and leader. (I still place high in both of these but as I have aged I have learned there is a time and a place to speak up and into issues and it is not all the time.) Since living in Kenya, I now place highest on faith. Faith came alive in Kenya and it now is the highest on every test.
Adam, I appreciated the fact that this coaching conversation was impromptu. It wasn’t a planned session and took place with someone that you didn’t know. How might a coaching mindset benefit you in those impromptu moments with the people you serve?
Graham,
I think that if we approach conversations knowing that we can speak live into them and into the person we are speaking with then it can point them towards Jesus. In all my conversations both with Christians and non-Christians I tend to want to point people to go a little further in their relationship with Christ. I look at Evangelism/discipleship as a continuum and my job in that moment is to encourage them to the next level in their continuum towards Christ. That might look like encouraging a Muslim friend to be willing to watch a Youtube video about a Christian view of creation and it might look like encouraging a Christian friend to lean into the idea of incorporating a sabbath into their lives.
Hi Adam,
Whoaaaaaa. What a wonderful confirmation from a stranger that though the school wasn’t a good fit for you, your giftings and passions are necessary. I love that the moment created a spark deep within you! That’s a great aha! moment.
As several others have pointed out — the role of the Holy Spirit is so key to leadership and life coaching. Years ago, when I was sitting in a life coaching training we got to a point where we had to pair off into small groups and “practice” what we learned.
I was sitting across from an older, fatherly pastor. I was a bit intimidated because of the age difference. I kept asking the Holy Spirit, “really?! What can I possibly say to this man who has so much more life experience than me?!” And then, this one question kept gnawing at me. Deep breath. I asked, “what does your wife say about this?”
He stopped dead in his tracks and stared deep into my eyes, paused, and finally said, “I have never had anyone ask me that, but that’s a great question!”
Whew! I was shaking in my boots.
He then commended me for being brave enough to ask that question because he was aware that I might have been feeling a bit intimidated.
So, maybe one of the questions you might ask a potential coach as you’re searching to find one is, “Are you brave enough to ask me the hard questions?”
But, in the end, it’s up to you… what kind of coach do you think you need?
Nancy,
I think the real question is, “Am I brave enough to answer the real hard questions?”
Adam, what are you afraid of?
…this question came to mind as I read your post. I was not sure I would be brave enough to ask it of you, especially here. In reading the comments and Nancy’s story, I decided to take the jump. No need to answer publicly.
Your 10-minute spontaneous session with Dr. Glandvill is such an inspiration to me! Does he even know the impact his words had on you? May you be encouraged that God is using you in similar ways as you are a voice of hope, wisdom, and courage to people from diverse walks of life. Thank you for your example in striving to be who God designed you to be. Your faith journey has deeply encouraged me in mine.
Kari,
I am afraid of dentists, clowns and failing. Probably in that order.
Honestly, thanks for asking the hard questions. Don’t be afraid as sometimes it is just what is needed. I have been mulling this over all day. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of a coach prompting me to do something that I might not be able to accomplish. But mostly, I am afraid that the Lord will continue to ask more of me than I feel able to do on my own strength. It is not bad, but it is tiring, and draining and scary.
Adam,
It seems that your self awareness is very high, so I hope you also realize that with a good coach, there is no such thing as failure. And, really, even in life, it seems that the word “failure” is a term that society has deemed appropriate for some things and not others when “failure” is often moments when you are stepping on rocks to get to the place where you need to be but you needed to go through those challenging times (failures) to get to that place.
May you continue to always be open to how God has shaped you that you will let go of the concept of “failure” and realize your gift of just being you.
Hi Adam – great post!
Praise God for sending Dr. Mark Glanville to you! This is a great example of him partnering with the Holy Spirit to open up a work of insights.
For the areas in which you’d like coaching, do you think that the person needs a high level of context to be able to support you, or can someone gain the context they need in a very short amount of time? Are there any personal or sensitive issues that you might want support on that might be a barrier to sharing with a stranger?
Christy,
This is a good question. I have some friends that I have known for a couple of years now since living in Minnesota. They are great friends and we can discuss a lot. I also have long-time friends who don’t live here near me but they have known me before I lived in Kenya. Kenya shaped me in drastic ways and made me who I am today. So, those with some history have a better sense of who I am and who I was.
To answer your question, I think a coach that is simply brought up to speed might do a great job with knowing who I am now. However, they might never truly know who I was to start with.
Whoa, Dr. Glanville offered a very meaningful response to your question. By immediately recognizing that his school would not help you thrive in your giftings, he urged you to keep going so that perhaps you will fill that academic gap one day. You were denied and affirmed all in a matter of three minutes! I wish hiring managers would do the same when they interview people for jobs they know won’t be offered to them.
You called out your desire to grow in active listening. How have you been working on that?
Jennifer, I hear what you are saying. I am still not as good of a listener as I want to be but I am better than I used to be. Life is a journey, I’ve got a way to go.
Hey Adam! Great post. I hadn’t really made a connection with what Camacho discussed and spiritual direction until I read your post. As a spiritual director, I have to get out of my own thoughts and self, and listen for the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Now, maybe I missed it in the book, but I think that the Holy Spirit’s promptings must be leaned on when mining for gold and raising leaders. People tend to rely on their own educations and mentors and how they were raised up, and cloud out the Holy Spirit. Think what a spirit-led leadership training would produce! Thank you for leading me down that path!