“Gold, like the sun, melts wax and hardens clay.”
Sir Francis Bacon once posited, explaining his quote above, that “much like the sun’s heat, it has the ability to transform and reveal the underlying qualities of people and things, making them pliable and firm and exposing inherent characteristics.” [1] Tom Comacho’s Book, Mining for Gold: Developing Leaders through Coaching, is a wonderful treatise on how developing one’s skills as a coach is a near-perfect metaphor for developing one’s skills as a leader and mentor. Over the five decades that I have been in leadership, it has become apparent that leadership can generally have one of two effects on those we lead. It can either help them grow in their personal malleability as a human and leader, or it can harden them. The first is completely owed to the loving-kindness of our Father, and the second I attribute primarily to myself as a personal failure. I have never had a successful leader under my mentorship, for which I have taken credit. I have never had to fire someone or watch them as they self-destructed as a young leader for whom I did not accept full responsibility as a personal failure. I realize many will read this and, at best, tell me to not blame myself and, at worst, that my position on this is arrogant and prideful. As a retired Army combat veteran, one of the things I experienced was the trust that men put in their leaders, who were willing to pass along praise and kudos to their soldiers and accept responsibility for the failures of the men I led. Nobody respected or wholeheartedly followed anyone they thought might throw them under the bus when all was said and done.
When I was a young University student at the University of Tennessee. I needed money to go to school. So, I got it into my head that I would try out for the University of Tennessee football team. I, having never really played anything but backyard football, tried out for the team. It was there that I met my first real coach. He took an interest in me, offered me a scholarship, and proceeded to test me to see if I had what it took. So many things that he did to help develop me, as Tom Comacho writes about in his book Mining for Gold.
Here are several similarities that I see:
- He helped me to understand what my life was for, and it wasn’t football.
- He helped me, for the first time in my life, to know what accountability was. This was probably one of the toughest lessons of my life.
- He treated me like I was gold. He helped shape within me a personal identity that had been marred through the years by criticism, physical abuse by a relative, constant negativism, anger
- He told me that every person I met each day had an opportunity to be mentored by me. The only unknown was whether I would take the time and be willing to pay the price to really be the coach that they needed. A principle that changed everything about my life.
- It is a Spirit-led process. The key components are simple, but they require hard work, sensitivity, and focus to be done well. I think many leaders forget this principle. Well, now that I have put it on paper, many of us forget that all of life must be a spirit-led process.
- Tom said we should open our eyes. I think my coach would have said something similar to me when I was younger, except with the warning for me to take my eyes off myself. The thought and expression, “Look at me,” was forever upon us. Our eyes must be open to seeing the opportunities to change lives, but it can also be a detriment if they are on the wrong things.
- I first learned from Coach an expression that Simon Snek later made popular, and I think Tom would endorse it. Leaders eat last. Simply put, leaders serve others as a sign of humility and love. If we eat first, we demonstrate to those we lead that we see ourselves as more important. It’s not a good look on a leader.
I think Tom hit a very nice balance between the need to always be thinking of ourselves as Coaches with the mind of Christ. He didn’t just use scriptures to proof-text his position. He genuinely and consistently pointed to the Word of God as a model to demonstrate that when it comes to us, his disciples, the Cross is the greatest picture given to man to reveal his desire for us.
About the Author
David Weston
5 responses to ““Gold, like the sun, melts wax and hardens clay.””
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David,
I love how you can look back and see those principles at play throughout your life. Have you read “Extreme Ownership” by Willink and Babin? Much of what you articulated about your relationship with responsibility mirrored their sentiments.
What is the biggest difference you see between Coaching and Mentoring?
I really value the handful of role models who can guide me from their past. Your coach is still shaping you decades later. Your decision to join the Tennessee football program with little experience is in keeping with the bold, take-it-as-it-comes demeanor.
To your point 1, whether football or futbol, society can have an unhealthy obsession with 22 strangers moving a ball over the grass. I can fall into that trap. Philippians 4:13 was written from a prison, not a football stadium. That comment is free of charge.
To your point 4, a young lady approached me last night asking if I could meet with her to talk through a career change. My first thought was no, I don’t have the time. My second thought was that we make time for what is important. I handed her my phone to get her contact details. You have the freedom to ask me if I followed up.
I look forward to your thoughts on the difference between coaching and mentoring.
David, thank you for sharing your journey with an inspiring and caring coach. I often read about inspiring coaches, and one thing stands out to me that is the care and time they put into their players. You were blessed by a wonderful coach who walked alongside you, believed in you, and took the time to know you and what you needed. That coach also gave you clarity and wisdom for your life journey. I see the richness of your coach’s values in you. You also are a caring individual who sincerely cares for others. There are many incredible leadership books out there but what I see here is a human leadership coach that cared about your humanity. That lesson is something we can all take away when we think about modelling an effective coaching landscape.
David, You bring up a good point, there is a shift and balance of seeing the gold in yourself to finding it in others as we lead. You have identified yourself with those you have lead/ coached to the point that you feel it with them. I wonder if you taking responsibility only of the failures without the acknowledgment of the successes is a loss for you. Why do you think you do this? Could it be related to the negative feedback you received when you were younger where you feel like you may not deserve to receive the good?
I have needed to grow much in the area of receiving from others. I have been so independent and believe I was supposed to figure it out on my own. I have missed out on guidance and awareness of things I could not see in myself and I have missed out on allowing others to find the gold in me. I believe this is rooted in my own negative effects of my upbringing. Like you, I believe the Spirit is the one who gets us through. The Spirit often moves through others to transform us.
Thank you for your honest post!
David, you had me at five decades of leadership experience! Wow! It’s fascinating to hear about all your life experiences, and I look forward to hearing more. I also appreciated the seven points you listed from Tom Camacho’s reading. The ones that stood out to me are:
#3 – Your coach treated you like you were GOLD! I love that! That is so true. When someone tells you that you are valuable but doesn’t treat you that way, it’s just empty words. Yet, your coach was the real deal.
#4 – He empowered you. I have great respect for those who invest in others.
#5 – Recognizing that it’s not about our greatness but about the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
#7 – I believe this one resonates the most with me. This one is personal. I realize that as a leader, if I genuinely care for my team, I must ensure they have enough food to eat and that they eat first. Sometimes, my mind is so preoccupied that I jump in line to grab what I want without considering those I lead. However, I am determined to be more mindful about this moving forward.
I appreciate you and your post!