Going, Going, Gone
In the book Leading out of Who You Are author Simon P. Walker addresses our leadership not from a practical nuts and bolts view but from an internal view. Walker encourages us to be deeply aware of ourselves, our background and our relationships with others. Walker says that “Leadership is about who you are, not what you know or what skills you have.[1]” The inner life of the leader is of utmost importance because of the burden of leadership. Leaders carry the weight of ministries, families, businesses, schools, hospitals, personal expectations, expectations of those they employ just to name a few. During the process of leading the leaders learn how to defend themselves because of their experiences and Walker believes that leaders defend themselves because “Leaders often experience three things that other people experience only to a lesser degree: idealization, idealism and unmet emotional needs.[2]“
We all love leaders especially those that seem to be able to walk the talk but beneath the surface of every leader is the all important foundation of the inner life. Walker says “Those who have taken up the burden of leadership are often idealized by the rest of us. We turn them into the ideal heroes we need them to be. Thus the leader cannot share his internal struggles, because no one will allow him to.[3]” While reading walker two things came to mind. First, who am I able to share my internal struggles with? This is important if I want to lead for a long time. Secondly, Walkers work has echoes of author Ruth Haley Barton. Barton in her book Strengthening The Soul Of Your Leadership discusses the need for the leader to take care of their inner selves. To drive her point home she quotes author Parker Plamer who says, “A leader is a person who must take special responsibility for what’s going on inside him or herself, inside his or her consciousness, lest the act of leadership create more harm than good.[4]”
The leaders soul isn’t the only thing at stake when a leader “falls from grace.” I can remember when a youth pastor that I looked up to had a great “front stage” presence, but his “backstage was a wreck. Because of things he allowed to get out of control in the “backstage” it started to spill over to the front. I was 19 years old when this happened to our youth group leadership team and to this day there are people that were in that circle with me that have walked away from their faith because of what they saw this leader do. From that day forward, I have always wanted to be a leader of integrity and character. Walker says, “Lots of things happen backstage, things that can’t appear on front stage. The leader’s idealized life is front stage; the less-than-ideal is backstage. It is the repository for the doubts, confusions, ambiguities and defeats. The front stage shows conviction and confidence. Struggle and uncertainty are kept backstage.” I wish this youth pastor would have dealt with what was going on backstage because of the damage it caused not only his soul but the soul of those that were following him. If we do not take care of our backstage things, they will always come to the front in one way or another. I’ll end my comments with a thought from Walker, “Very often a leader’s backstage life will leak onto their front stage, and this is particularly so when the front stage requires a high degree of emotional discipline and other-person-centeredness.[5] “
[1] Simon P. Walker, The Undefended Leader: Leading out of Who You Are: Leading with Nothing to Lose: Leading with Everything to Give (Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2010), 5.
[2] Simon P. Walker, The Undefended Leader: Leading out of Who You Are: Leading with Nothing to Lose: Leading with Everything to Give (Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2010), 15.
[3] Simon P. Walker, The Undefended Leader: Leading out of Who You Are: Leading with Nothing to Lose: Leading with Everything to Give (Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2010), 16.
[4] R. Ruth Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2018), 38.
[5] Simon P. Walker, The Undefended Leader: Leading out of Who You Are: Leading with Nothing to Lose: Leading with Everything to Give (Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2010), 28.
2 responses to “Going, Going, Gone”
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Hey Daron, it is so important to make soul care a priority. I have read Barton’s book as well. I think it is also important to find the balance between vulnerability and oversharing on the front stage. Being real and vulnerable about our struggles is important or we send the message that you need to be perfect, but we do not want to overshare and tell people things they do not need to hear. How do you find this balance and what practices do you have to maintain your personal soul care?
Becca,
Great question. One of the things my mentor told me about being “vulnerable enough” is that I need to be vulnerable in areas where I can see God is helping me conquer. I may not be out of the woods yet but I can see God leading me out. Never share where you are wounded the most or where you are currently struggling to see God working it out for you. Here is an example, a few years ago I was struggling in my marriage (It was completely my fault) which I did not share from stage at the time. I didn’t share because I had a hard time seeing God in the midst of it. Now that we are on the other side of that struggle, I freely share it from stage because I can point them back to Christ.
Now when it comes to soul care I have a day where it’s just me. I do things that bring my soul joy and recharge me. Sometimes it’s reading the Bible and other times it’s a good glass of wine and a conversation.