Conciliance Mapping: Friedman and Walker’s Influence on my Life and Leadership
Introduction
Revisiting Edwin Friedman and Simon Walker reveals two distinct yet converging pathways into the inner life of leadership. Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve (2007) and Walker’s The Undefended Leader (2007) both invite leaders to cultivate a deeper presence amid anxiety and complexity. Friedman frames leadership as the capacity for self-differentiation and non-anxious presence within an emotionally reactive system, while Walker describes leadership as an undefended posture of humility and dependence on God. Together, they illuminate how theology, psychology, and systems theory converge in forming the soul of a leader.
Friedman: The Self-Differentiated Leader
For Friedman, the mature leader maintains “clarity about his own life goals” and is “less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about” (Friedman 2007, 15–16). His model of self-differentiation has become central to my own understanding of leadership. The ability to remain connected yet distinct—neither absorbed by group anxiety nor detached in isolation—has proven essential. I resonate deeply with Friedman’s image of the leader as thermostat rather than thermometer: one who regulates emotional temperature rather than merely reflecting it.
In ministry contexts, this becomes profoundly practical. Social and theological pressures often tempt leaders to conform or appease, yet Friedman insists that differentiation enables presence without capitulation. For me, this has meant recognizing that the healthiest leadership resists anxious conformity while remaining relationally connected. Still, I recognize a personal temptation: when I manage to remain differentiated, I sometimes prefer detachment over connection. Friedman’s framework helps me see that differentiation must serve connection, not withdrawal.
Walker: The Undefended Leader
Simon Walker approaches leadership from a theological and psychological lens. His vision of undefended leadership is rooted not in autonomy but in attachment: “We are secured not by our skills and resources but by our attachment to another—one who is big enough not to be overwhelmed by our failures and weaknesses” (Walker 2007, 149–50). This notion of security in God reframes leadership as freedom from the strategies of control, image management, and performance that often define the defended self.
Walker’s insight parallels Henri Nouwen’s invitation to live for the “eyes of God rather than those of the crowd” through silence, solitude, and prayer (Nouwen 1972). The undefended leader’s identity is grounded in belovedness rather than approval. This has freed me from performance-driven leadership and cultivated a growing freedom “to show up with nothing to prove, nothing to protect, and nothing to promote.” In mentoring younger leaders, I have found Walker’s Backstage/Frontstage model transformative for helping them see how inner attachments shape outward leadership.
Intersection and Complementarity
Though they begin from different premises, Friedman and Walker complement one another powerfully. Friedman’s emphasis on inner strength and clarity of self provides structure and boundaries; Walker’s focus on divine attachment and surrender offers depth and humility.
– Friedman helps us stand firm—resisting triangulation, over-functioning, and emotional fusion.
– Walker helps us kneel low—leading from love, openness, and spiritual dependence.
Together they offer a portrait of mature leadership that is boundaried and surrendered, courageous and compassionate, anchored in identity yet open to transformation. The apparent tension between self-reliant differentiation and God-reliant undefendedness actually reveals a deeper synthesis: presence emerges from both courage and communion.
Threshold Concepts and Consilience
Both authors introduced threshold concepts that permanently changed my understanding of leadership. Friedman’s systems perspective reframed the church as an emotional field rather than merely an organization continues to shape my leadership stance. Walker’s analysis of defended ego strategies—Power, Control, and Performance—revealed how inner insecurities manifest in outward leadership behaviors.
Integrating these insights with Amy Edmondson’s Fearless Organization (2018) expanded my understanding further. Her concept of psychological safety—a team environment where people can disagree, fail, and be vulnerable—resonates with both Friedman’s call to reduce systemic anxiety and Walker’s vision of undefended presence. When theological presence, psychological safety, and systems awareness intersect, leadership becomes a spiritual ecology of trust.
Dissonance and Dialogue
The dissonance between Friedman’s clinical, secular systems theory and Walker’s theologically grounded spirituality deepens my appreciation for both. Friedman reads the leader through the lens of emotional process, while Walker frames leadership through attachment and discipleship. Holding these together reminds me that leadership involves both the management of systems and the formation of souls. Leadership is not only an adaptive practice (Heifetz 1994) but also a spiritual vocation.
Consilience: Relational Presence
Across theology, psychology, and leadership theory, a pattern of consilient resonance emerges: leadership is fundamentally about relational presence, not performance. Theologically, presence reflects the imago Dei—the God who is with us (Gen. 1:27; Matt. 1:23). Psychologically, presence reduces anxiety and stabilizes systems. Spiritually, presence manifests as the peace of God that surpasses understanding.
Transformation of Leadership Presence
Integrating these insights has slowly shifted my focus from leader skill development to overall leader formation. Development shapes skills; formation shapes souls. My current understanding of power, presence, and resilience is now less about control and more about congruence—leading from a centered self anchored in God. Presence is not passive; it is the courageous act of showing up fully grounded and undefended.
Conclusion
Revisiting Friedman and Walker has illuminated the deeper work of leadership formation: the integration of courage and surrender, systems and soul. Through their lenses, I see leadership as a spiritual practice of differentiated presence—grounded in identity, open to grace, and committed to transformation. This consilient vision calls leaders to embody both wisdom and humility, courage and compassion, reflecting the very character of the God who leads by presence.
References
Edmondson, Amy C. The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, 2018.
Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th Anniversary Edition. New York: Seabury Books, 2007.
Greenleaf, Robert K. Servant Leadership: A Journey into the Nature of Legitimate Power and Greatness. New York: Paulist Press, 1977.
Heifetz, Ronald A. Leadership Without Easy Answers. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1994.
Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. New York: Doubleday, 1972.
Walker, Simon P. The Undefended Leader: Leading Out of Who You Are. Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2007.
About the Author
Graham English
I was born in Cape Town, South Africa 30 minutes from Table Mountain, the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. My family immigrated to Vancouver, Canada where I spent my teen years, met Wendy, and got married. We now live on the Canadian prairies in northern Alberta. I think God has a sense of humour. I'm a follower of Jesus, work in leadership and church development, love my family and walk a lot.One response to “Conciliance Mapping: Friedman and Walker’s Influence on my Life and Leadership”
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Great work Graham. You mentioned sometimes preferring detachment over connection. What are some of the signs that you are drifting away from people that you notice in yourself, both externally and internally?