Divine Connection, No Password Required
I put another log on the fire and closed the door to the wood stove. I waited a moment until the flames caught, sending warmth into the room. I sat down, opened The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, and picked up where I had left off the night before.
Just as I started reading, my phone pinged a notification. I had placed it face-down on the table beside me, intending to focus on my book. Still, I reached for it. The message wasn’t important, but I let myself get sucked in for a few minutes before putting the phone down and returning to my reading.
As you might imagine, this happened several more times over the next few hours. But as I read further into Haidt’s text, I realized that I was embodying the very problem he described. My phone was fragmenting my attention, disrupting my ability to focus deeply. Determined to resist, I resolved to ignore future notifications. The pull was strong at first, but I noticed something: when I acknowledged the urge and let it pass, it faded.
Haidt’s book argues that today’s youth are growing up in a world where attention is constantly fragmented, real-world relationships are displaced, and digital addiction stunts emotional resilience. He describes how schools that have banned phones see noticeable improvements in student focus, well-being, and peer relationships. One eighth-grader gave words to my experience as I ignored the phone: “For the first half-hour of the school day, my phone is still in the back of my mind, but once class starts, then it’s just kinda out the window.” [1]
This experiment in phone-free education reveals something deeper: when we remove distractions, we regain presence. And when we regain presence, we rebuild connection—both with others and with God.
The Digital Disruption of Attachment
Haidt warns that smartphone-based childhoods have led to an epidemic of anxiety, depression, and emotional fragility. He identifies four key harms:
- Attention fragmentation – The inability to focus deeply due to constant digital interruptions.
- Social deprivation – Reduced face-to-face interactions weaken emotional and relational skills.
- Addiction – Dopamine-driven feedback loops keep users compulsively engaged.
- Sleep disruption – Excessive screen time undermines mental and physical health. [2]
Each of these factors interferes with something foundational: secure attachment.
In the 1950s, psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth demonstrated that secure attachment—formed through consistent, loving interactions—creates a secure base from which a child can confidently explore the world. Todd Hall, in The Connected Life, explains that early attachment patterns shape how we relate to others and, ultimately, how we relate to God. [3] When screens replace human presence, secure attachment is disrupted, leading to increased insecurity, fear, and isolation.
This isn’t just a psychological concern—it’s a crisis of formation. Jim Wilder, in Renovated, argues that spiritual transformation occurs through attachment love, what Scripture describes as hesed—God’s steadfast, covenantal love. [4] When digital culture weakens human attachment, it also weakens our ability to trust in and experience the deep love of God.
A Secure Base: The Foundation for Growth
A secure base provides both comfort and challenge (Todd Hall’s very helpful terms [5])—essential ingredients for healthy development. Hall describes how attachment figures offer security, allowing children to take risks and explore, knowing they can return for support when needed.
But today’s digital environment replaces embodied relationships with fragmented, asynchronous interactions. Children and adults alike are increasingly untethered, lacking the deep, face-to-face connections that build resilience.
This pattern extends into our spiritual lives. If early relationships were inconsistent or disrupted, trusting in God’s love can feel distant or abstract. Yet Scripture presents God as the ultimate secure base: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3). In Christ, we are invited into a relationship of both deep security and bold exploration.
Awe: Reclaiming Attachment to God
Recently, I’ve found myself overwhelmed by the constant flood of distressing news. Doomscrolling doesn’t feel good, but it gives me the illusion of doing something. Yet the more I consume, the more anxious and helpless I feel.
To counteract this, I’ve begun a simple spiritual practice: looking for one moment of awe every day. I’ve captured glimpses of beauty—the first light of morning sparkling on the snow, the pink and orange hues of sunset over the lake, my dogs joyfully wrestling in fresh powder, the breathtaking view from the top of a ski lift.
Then I came across Haidt’s words:
“The emotion of awe… is triggered by two simultaneous perceptions: first, that what you are looking at is vast in some way, and second, that you can’t fit it into your existing mental structures… If we want awe to play a larger and more beneficial role in our lives, we need to make space for it.” [6]
Although Haidt is an atheist, he echoes something deeply biblical, quoting Blaise Pascal, “There is a God-shaped hole in every human heart.” [7] Awe draws us into that space. It reminds us that we are small, yet deeply held. In those moments of wonder, we encounter a presence greater than ourselves.
Restoring the Secure Base in a Distracted Age
Haidt, Hall, and Wilder all point to the same core truth: we are made for deep, secure attachment, and digital culture is eroding it. To reclaim this, we must be intentional.
- Individually, we can cultivate awe, limit digital distractions, and practice presence with God and others.
- In families, we can create spaces of connection—meal times without screens, shared outdoor experiences, and daily moments of face-to-face engagement.
- In churches, we can emphasize relational discipleship, embodied worship, and practices that foster deep, synchronous relationships.
At its core, this is not just about psychology or social trends—it’s about the nature of God Himself. Jesus embodies the ultimate secure base, inviting us into a life of confidence, love, and resilience. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
The challenge before us is clear: Will we continue to let digital culture erode our capacity for deep relationships, or will we take intentional steps to build real, lasting connection—with God, with others, and within ourselves? The choice to reclaim the secure base is ours.
1 – Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation; How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (New York: Penguin Press, 2024), 248.
2 – Haidt, 120-136.
3 – Todd Hall, The Connected Life; the Art and Science of Relational Spirituality (Downers Grove, Illinois: Intervarsity Press, 2022), 37.
4 – Jim Wilder, Renovated; God, Dallas Wilalrd & the Church That Transforms (United States of America: NavPress, 2020), 48.
5 – Todd Hall.
6 – Haidt, 212, 215.
7 – Haidt, 215.
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.12 responses to “Divine Connection, No Password Required”
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Thanks for your post Debbie. Its encouraging and I appreciate you modeling the decision to find moments of awe in each day. I also like your concept of ‘synchronous relationships’. How do we invite people into these in a distracted world, especially if they don’t live in our home?
“I also like your concept of ‘synchronous relationships’. How do we invite people into these in a distracted world, especially if they don’t live in our home?”
I struggle with that Ryan, because so many of my friends live nowhere near me! (Some used to… but not all.) One of my dearest friends moved across the country and she lives a very “full” (translation: busy) life. It’s not easy to get on her calendar.
But that’s just it. It comes down to being intentional. We have to prioritize relationships over “getting stuff done.” It’s not easy when we have deadlines (ahem…). So there are seasons when other things may need to go to the top of the to-do list. But in general, for me, relationships always come first.
I was listening to a podcast that Haidt was on, and the host gave a suggestion of a kid having friends over to play and the mom taking all the kids cell phones and letting each parent know that if they needed to get a hold of their kid, to call her, that this was a cell phone free time. Haidt really liked that suggestion. An intentional time and space to develop real relationship. We need to do more of that, but it does take people working together to make it happen.
What influence do you think cell phone and technology is playing in the stress pastors are experiencing today?
“What influence do you think cell phone and technology is playing in the stress pastors are experiencing today?”
Jeff, great question. I think I remember reading in several places about the stress put on pastors – especially older pastors – as they feel a great need to level-up their tech skills.
I did a quick search online and found a host of fascinating articles. Everything from how to discourage people from using their phones during church to how to communicate better with phones and the internet.
I liked this article best (https://equip.sbts.edu/publications/towers/distracteddevotion-3-ways-smartphones-affect-your-spiritual-life/), about the things we lose when we get lost in our phones. They include: empathy, solitude, and focus. We could add many more “losses” to that list. I’m sure most pastors feel those losses too, despite the gains.
In any case, I’m sure that there are positives, AND there are plenty of potential negatives that we need to pay attention to.
Hi Debbie, Thanks for sharing your experience with your phone and resisting the urge to check it. While my resistance was not related to technology – I have to force myself to sit at my computer for X minutes at a time to actually get work done rather than jumping up for whatever distraction might come. You are right – it was hard at first but now is part of my self talk. In your work as a music director at your church, do you see phone use as a distraction for either adults or children in your choirs? Or is it a cell free area? And if so, have you gotten push back?
“In your work as a music director at your church, do you see phone use as a distraction for either adults or children in your choirs? Or is it a cell free area? And if so, have you gotten push back?”
Hi Diane, it’s never needed to come up for discussion, fortunately. The members of the choir are almost all older than I am (!!) so I don’t think it’s a major issue for them.
Hi Debbie,
How did your personal experience of resisting phone notifications relate to the key harms identified by Haidt, such as attention fragmentation and addiction?
“How did your personal experience of resisting phone notifications relate to the key harms identified by Haidt, such as attention fragmentation and addiction?”
Shela, when I sit and WORK – using my brain actively – only rarely am I tempted to look at my phone. When I’m reading – not exactly passively, but not as actively as creating – the temptation is definitely greater. And it does, certainly, fragment my attention. And I do need to remind myself, “Step away from the phone” or computer, or whatever.
Thanks Debbie. I appreciate your focus on awe and your personal daily practice. I think it’s a great one and one that can be easily practiced by all ages. It was a good reminder to me to practice this as well. What other practices would you recommend for children or teens that would help them attach to God?
“I appreciate your focus on awe and your personal daily practice. I think it’s a great one and one that can be easily practiced by all ages. It was a good reminder to me to practice this as well. What other practices would you recommend for children or teens that would help them attach to God?”
Graham, the most obvious practice – to me – is to teach young people how to have conversations with God. We call it prayer, but it’s really a conversation. It can be spoken out loud (alone or in a small group) or written in a journal.
Another practice to grow close to God is to take walks in nature and look for moments of awe and wonder.
Teach young people age-appropriate Bible stories and as they get older, teach them how to read the Bible not simply for intellectual growth (yes, it’s important, but not MOST important), but for transformation and connection with God. What does the passage say God is like? Where do I see that attribute of God in my life? How can I talk to God about that some more?
For starters. 🙂
In his earlier work, Haidt spoke more about the self-transcendence of religion, and participation with the sacred. I enjoyed this 2012 TED talk from him. Perhaps you will also appreciate it’s emphasis on the value of “uplifting” experiences that benefit humans.
“Religion, evolution, and the ecstasy of self-transcendence” TED, February 2012. https://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_haidt_religion_evolution_and_the_ecstasy_of_self_transcendence?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare.
Thank you, Debbie, for your post. I find myself struggling with this both at home and at work. At work, I would be doing up to five different things or listen to several kinds of complaining ranging from immigration issues to social security benefits issues. My landline, my cellphone, my messenger and my emails are constantly disrupting me as I am concentrating on a task at hand. In addition, my secretaries/receptionist will be at my door for me to sign some papers that were urgent.
So, I end up giving them scheduling for certain tasks and what kind of paper I will deal with, unless its a matter of emergency. What I am trying to say is that this attention fragmentation is very distracting and stressful. So, thank you for sharing that ‘moment of awe’ concept. I will try to implement that both at work and at home. Thanks, Debbie!