Defaults and Strengths
In Clear Thinking, Shane Parrish explores biological defaults that shape human behavior. The “emotion default”[1] arises when emotions overpower rational thought, a phenomenon Dr. David Rock attributes to limbic system activation reducing prefrontal cortex function.[2] The “ego default”[3] defends self-worth and social standing, often reacting defensively, aligning with Rock’s concept of status, where threats are triggered in interaction with those in a different social status.[4] Parrish sees this as an innate response to order things in a hierarchy.[5] The “social default”[6] is the tendency to conform for immediate social rewards, contrasting with the integrity required to dissent when necessary. Lastly, the “inertia default”[7] reflects resistance to change and preference for the familiar, which must be overcome for growth.
As a side note, I find it fascinating how experts confidently link human traits to distant evolutionary ancestors, despite the lack of definitive proof. As someone open to theistic evolution, I question how such theories align with the scientific method.
Parrish writes of strength as the ability to pause, step back, and exercise sound judgment regardless of circumstances or emotions. Those who can center themselves and think clearly outperform those who react impulsively. Parrish gives four self-strengthening practices. The first, Self-Accountability means managing your abilities and actions while acknowledging your responsibility in dealing with outcomes, even those beyond your control.[8] Blaming others or dwelling on being a victim is unproductive; instead, focus on responding effectively to current challenges.[9]
Self-Knowledge involves understanding your strengths, weaknesses and what you can and are unable to do. If you don’t know your vulnerabilities, your defaults will exploit them to gain control of your circumstances.[10] Simon Walker, in Leading Out of Who You Are, emphasizes a moral and ethical responsibility to know oneself—not for personal gain but to benefit others. True self-awareness includes freedom to make choices that may prioritize others over oneself, even at a personal cost.[11]
Self-Control is the ability to master fears, desires, and emotions by viewing them objectively and recognizing they only influence actions if allowed to.[12] It involves creating distance from emotions, responding thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Similarly, Bobby Duffy, in Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything, highlights the need to recognize how emotions shape perceptions and choices. Emotional reactions often lead to overestimating the significance of issues,[13] making them seem more prevalent than they are. While emotions shouldn’t be dismissed, they must be understood and their influence critically assessed.[14]
“Self-Confidence” is trusting in your abilities and values while having the humility to acknowledge weaknesses and seek help when needed. True confidence, unlike overconfidence, admits vulnerabilities and recognizes others’ strengths.[15]
Understanding and managing weaknesses requires recognizing blind spots, which are difficult to see due to ego and limited perspective.[16] Safeguards help protect against weaknesses by promoting deliberate action and clarifying goals.[17] This relates to Kahneman’s two system thinking. System 1 is our intuition expressed in automatic behavior and System two has more control over thoughts. This self-control allows us to process ways forward with the reactionary system calmed down and not wreaking havoc.[18]
Parrish ends the book with the things that really matter using the responses of mature elders on what the most important things in life are. Walker parallels Parrish’s ideas but with a Kingdom perspective where humans are created and have specific purpose, “Leadership is not simply executive decision-making or being clear about strategy and how to achieve your goals. Leadership is the activity—any activity—that leads other people more deeply into this full humanity: which enables them to take hold of, and take responsibility for, the life that they, as a unique, person within the created human race, have been given to live.”[19]
[1] Parrish, Shane, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results. Portfolio/Penguin, 2023; 22
[2] Rock, David, rev. and updated edition, Harper Business New York, NY; 2020; 127
[3] Parrish, 23–26
[4] Rock, 191
[5] Parrish, 18
[6] Parrish, 30
[7] Parrish, 36–38
[8] Parrish, 48
[9] Parrish, 52-53
[10] Parrish 55
[11] Walker, Simon. Leading out of who you are: discovering the secret of undefended leadership. Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2007; 76
[12] Parrish, 57
[13] Duffy, Bobby, Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything: A Theory of Human Misunderstanding. Basic Books, 2019. 144
[14] Duffy, 231
[15] Parrish, 58–59
[16] Parrish, 84
[17] Parrish, 94
[18] Kahneman, Daniel, 1934-2024, Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013; 44
[19] Walker, 223-224
About the Author
Jess Bashioum
4 responses to “Defaults and Strengths”
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Jess, if you were to teach this to the men and women you chaplain/pastor/lead (what’s the verb for chaplain?), what would you want to give them from this book?
I would teach about the emotion and ego defaults. Regulation of emotions is often a laking skill in those who come from trauma, lake of stability and low social status. The “less-than feelings” often translate into big defensive egos. Coming along side the people pointing out their values and abilities can encourage them towards self-knowledge that would hopefully lead to self confidence as they come to know their identity. I believe that until they can find that base of worth and what they bring to the world, it is difficult to take responsibility and stop blaming others. They already feel the lowest and cannot handle seeing their part without some sort of self worth and value. Self control is a hard one to develop especially as you add addiction to the equation. It all takes time, lots of time and safety. I would also, bring in the the deeper spiritual truths of intrinsic worth and identity and empowerment by the Spirit that are laking in Parrish’s book.
Hey Jess,
I appreciated your identification of Parrish’s use of mature elders’ responses to questions of meaning and purpose. I share your openness to theistic evolution, this remains the question that science cannot answer!
As someone who mentors others on a regular basis, why do you think we are so slow to seek out these types of elder/junior, master/apprentice relationships (on both sides)? If they are so beneficial, why don’t we do it more?
I just wrote a long thought out reply to your question, pressed post and it lead me to a page that said I must be signed in to post, uh, yes I was signed in, but my reply was gone. This frustration boils in me because I do not have time for such things. I was up at 5:30 writing and responding to posts, went for a full work day, figured out plans with my daughter who turns 21 today, came home to type some more to get it done before doing said plans. This I think may be the beginnings of an answer to why we are slow to seek out mentoring relationships. We are busy, we are independent, we have drive and we are individualistic. The younger generations are less ambitious for growth and “success”. They want to work less, believe they should be paid more, have award social skills and are often “meeting up” online in gaming or social media. But! I notice a desire in them to want someone older and wise to walk along side them. They want mentors, they want to hear grandmas stories, they just want it to look more like a friend, not someone above them giving them advise on what to do. They want more time with family and the people they care about and less time climbing the success ladder. If the different generations could give a little to meet up somewhere in between, they do really change each other. I have been so lucky to have many young people who want to be around me, I think this is because I am so cool ;), but I think for them it is because they desire someone who can “be” with them and subtly impart one to another.