Dealing With My Delusions About Leadership
In 2018 a Canadian woman rented a black Nissan Sentra sedan. She drove to a nearby Walmart. When she came out of the store she hopped in her car and drove home. However, she jumped in the wrong car, a black Infiniti hatchback, and drove off. It turns out that the owner had gone into Walmart and left his fob in the car. When she pressed the ignition button, the Infiniti started. She drove the wrong car for two weeks! Upon returning the car to the rental company she complained to the manager that they had rented her a dirty car, the ashtray was full, and they had left golf clubs in the trunk. When the manager tried to tell her that it wasn’t the car she rented, she didn’t believe him and dug her heels in. The rental company located the car, drove her to Walmart and showed her the Nisan sedan she originally rented. It was only then that she realized that she had driven the wrong car all along.[1]
I have been warned by several authors that I might just be like this woman, thinking I’m right when in reality I’m wrong. Living in a state of delusion. I wouldn’t say I like being told that I could be wrong. I hate to admit it, but something happens inside me when someone tells me I’m not right. Like the woman in the story, I dig my heels and try to prove my point, with even greater conviction. Katherine Schultz affirmed that fact in the book Being Wrong: Adventures in the margin of error. Schultz began with the question, “Why do we love being right?”
Now, in Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything: A Theory of Human Misunderstanding, Bobby Duffy reveals human misperceptions of social reality from health to sex, money, immigration, and crime. His extensive research reveals that complex forces, both in our brains and in our world, shape our delusions.[2] The former include ‘biases’ and ‘heuristics’ that arise from, what Daniel Kahneman would call, System 1 (fast) thinking.[3] The latter includes news media, social media and politics.[4] We are deluded people who overconfidently live our lives in a delusional state and when presented with evidence to the contrary we are driven even more deeply into our delusions.
I know that this book is about our misperceptions about the world but, for the purpose of this blog, I want to reflect more on my research. The problem I identified was that the lack of collaborative leadership practices among leaders in the Alliance Canada results in diminished vision ownership and participation of God’s people in His mission. If I were to state this as an opportunity I would say, that widespread collaborative practices among leaders in the Alliance Canada would result in increased vision ownership and increased participation of God’s people in his mission. It makes sense to me, but I wonder if I am just biased against a more heroic form of leadership and biased toward a more collaborative form of leadership, given my training and experience. Is this true? Do leaders who are more collaborative gain greater vision ownership by their people? Do more people get involved in God’s mission when the leader is more collaborative and less directive? The only way to know if I am wrong is to test this with others through this process of collaborative design. I told a scientist what I was doing, and she said, “That’s amazing. That’s a rather scientific approach to leadership. This is exactly what leaders should be doing before they inflict their ideas on their people.” As I test this assumption, I must be open to the fact that I could be partially or fully wrong. I realize how hard that will be because we generally hold misperceptions with unusual confidence.[5]
Secondly, this book influences my NPO because the recommended approach is consistent with a more collaborative mindset. Simon Walker notes, “Collaboration always involves creating space for other people genuinely to express themselves.”[6] In a more directive form of leadership, the leader typically receives a vision and then delivers it to their people, with the expectation that people will “buy in”. However, a more collaborative form of leadership requires the leader to be curious, inquire, create space for others, and invite the feedback of others before acting. A more collaborative form of leadership causes the leader to test their assumptions and update their plans as they gain more information through interaction with stakeholders. This is exactly the kind of mindset that is encouraged in this book.[7]
How do we deal with our delusions? In chapter 11 of the book, Duffy provides ten principles that help me deal with my own potential biases as I research my NPO. Here are my top five:
- Accept the emotion but challenge the thought. Finding out I’m wrong can trigger a host of negative emotions. I need to feel whatever it is I’m feeling, but make sure to engage in slow and deliberate thought.[8]
- Cultivate Skepticism but not cynicism. As I research, I should hold a healthy form of skepticism toward my findings.[9]
- Facts are not cure-alls, but they matter. Pay attention to data.[10]
- Listen to stories. Tell the story of what is happening.[11]
- Better and deeper engagement is possible. Take time to delve into the real heart of the matter. Research, ask questions, think deeply.[12]
I know that is not a book about my NPO or research specifically. However, it’s a book that encourages me to update my view of the world as I gain new information while humbly knowing I could be wrong.
[1] “Ontario Woman Accidentally Steals Car for 2 Weeks, Mistaking It for a Rental,” CBC Radio, July 10, 2018, https://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-tuesday-edition-1.4740605/ontario-woman-accidentally-steals-car-for-2-weeks-mistaking-it-for-a-rental-1.4740610.
[2] Bobby Duffy, Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything: A Theory of Human Misunderstanding, First US edition (New York: Basic Books, 2019), 225.
[3] Duffy, 12.
[4] Duffy, 14–15.
[5] Duffy, 8.
[6] Simon P. Walker, The Undefended Leader (Carlisle: Piquant, 2010).Chapter 5. Kindle.
[7] Duffy, Why We’re Wrong about Nearly Everything, 21.
[8] Duffy, 231.
[9] Duffy, 232.
[10] Duffy, 237.
[11] Duffy, 238.
[12] Duffy, 239.
About the Author
Graham English
I was born in Cape Town, South Africa 30 minutes from Table Mountain, the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. My family immigrated to Vancouver, Canada where I spent my teen years, met Wendy, and got married. We now live on the Canadian prairies in northern Alberta. I think God has a sense of humour. I'm a follower of Jesus, work in leadership and church development, love my family and walk a lot.13 responses to “Dealing With My Delusions About Leadership”
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Hi Graham, thanks for sharing.
How do you guard against confirmation bias in your research? How would you feel if you’re hypothesis was incorrect (if collaborative leadership wasn’t as great as you think it is)?
Hi Christy, I think the five principles are helpful as well as the collaborative design process we’re walking through. My NPO changed as a result of talking to my stakeholders and experts.
To the second question… I would feel quite disappointed but at the same time relieved. I definitely don’t want to offer a solution to a problem that no one else recognizes as a problem.
Graham,
In number 4, you mention telling stories. I find that stories are often told and received well, over statistics, etc. So, what is your story? What is the story you might tell that encourages people in collaborative leadership?
Good question, Adam. I think my next blog will tell a more detailed story. Without giving it away, I think crisis was good catalyst to move me into searching for a different way of leading. First, a personal crisis with burnout then a congregational crisis as a result of a church fire. This is part of my personal leadership journey that moved me towards greater interdependence and mutuality in leadership.
Hi Graham, I am not familiar with the Alliance Canada. When you talk about collaboration, are you talking about it among different Alliance congregations or among a pastor and the local congregation?
Hi Diane, the short answer is “yes”. I’d love to see widespread collaborative practices that include congregations in creating a shared vision. I’d also love to see churches collaborate in city wide or regional initiatives.
Hi Graham, Mainly I want to say thank you for demonstrating syntopical writing so clearly for me, especially around connections with your NPO. I also would like to know more about your emotions related to remaining open about being wrong. How would you describe them?
Thanks, Julie. I’m attempting to work out my own thinking about my NPO as I write my blogs.
I have found this process really helpful as I wrestle with the kind of leadership that is needed in the church. I am open to changing my NPO but because of the work I’m doing it will be focused on developing leaders who can develop a culture of high vision ownership by their people and widespread participation in mission. So, the assumption I’m testing is that widespread collaborative practices by the leader will increase those. ie we’ll see more contributors to the overall mission of the church rather than consumers. If my NPO is altered somewhat I’ll be ok as long as the end is accomplished, which is more people involved in the mission of Jesus in the world and therefore more people encountering Him.
Graham, in light of Duffy’s work, you mention Simon Walker and the need for leaders to create space for others. What have you found to be the greatest barriers to this for leaders in Alliance Canada?
Thanks for the question, Chad. My Discovery workshop revealed a desire to collaborate widely but most only felt comfortable with smaller teams. Here’s some of what I found…
1. Lack of training
2. Fear
3. The expectation of others to be an “expert”
Thank you for sharing.
Graham,
Wow. What a great example of digging one’s heels in with the story of the woman and the rental car. I used to own a Nissan Sentra — it was one of my favorite vehicles before it was stolen.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with being wrong. Just putting that out there is a great step, right?
And, since we can all be wrong at any given moment about any given thing, of your list of top five delusions, which one do you think you will be contending with more often?
Even though this book might not have been an optimum book for research for your NPO, how do some of the concepts you learned impact your NPO as you are encouraged to update your view of the world through your research? Is there an intersection somewhere?
May you continue to open your mind and heart to new thoughts, learning how to navigate what is right and wrong for your context and NPO. Blessings.
Thanks for reading and responding, Nancy. I appreciate your kind words and question.
I’m trying to apply every book to my research, if I can. This was definitely a stretch for me. I think, for me this is more about how I go about doing my research rather than a direct application. Duffy’s main premise that we are wrong about most things, is good to keep me slowing down and engaging in System 2 thinking.