Cue the Curtain: When Leadership Stops Being an Act
The exercise at the end of Humble Leadership [1] was humbling… and not necessarily in the best way.
I drew a circle with my initials at the center of the page. Then I drew circles around that center circle with initials for many people at church. As suggested, I added circles and initials for my family members and a few other people who impact my daily life in one way or another.
I realized that, other than the two women at church who are in my “support group” (for people who have or are working on doctorates), and a few people in the small group Bible study I lead, I can’t say anyone is a Level 2 relationship. If they aren’t in one of those two categories, no one in choir (I’m the Music Director), no one on the Music Committee, and not even my pastor, are Level 2 relationships.
I am in a Level 1 relationship with almost everyone at my church. Which explains why I have described it to my husband as, “I feel like a function. I wave my arms on Thursday nights and Sunday mornings, and that’s all they expect of me. I don’t feel like I’m a person in their eyes.”
This resonates with what I’ve described in my own work as the Fragmented zone of leadership presence—where we end up performing from anxiety or self-protection. In that space, people see only our role or our function, not our personhood.
I need to consider how to increase from Level 1 to Level 2 in at least a few relationships.
Let’s be honest; I know what that involves. I’ve been intending to meet more people one-on-one at the local coffee shop more frequently. I’ve been able to do it with a few people, but it’s challenging to find the time (especially when I don’t live in our church community; we’re 30 minutes away).
From Performance to Presence
As I read Humble Leadership, I was reminded of the concept of front stage/back stage. In his book, Leading Out of Who You Are, Simon Walker describes the front stage as the place where “our personal behaviour is a performance intended to ensure that the response [from the ‘audience’] is favourable.”[2] He explains that through our daily front stage performance, “we get the attention of the audience we want, who will give us the kind of reception we seek, affirming our sense of identity.” [3]
He says our front stage performance is about impression management. I can see why that would be a Level 1 relationship.
But the invitation is not to stay fragmented in that front-stage performance. It’s to move toward an Integrated presence, where who I am backstage and who I am on the front stage align more closely. That’s when trust grows, and when others begin to encounter me as a whole person, not just a role.
Walker goes on to describe that if there are things we do of which we are proud, but we don’t want to appear self-promoting, we keep them “backstage.” Anyone we let into our backstage receives the privilege of getting to know us better. That sounds like a Level 2 or possibly 2.5 relationship.
Johnny Parker also uses the same metaphor in his book, Front Stage, Back Stage: External Success Requires Internal Health. Like Walker, Parker explains that back stage is where we have our internal lives. Both authors describe how each stage affects the other. Parker writes, “Before I understood that my identity was secure in Christ, my backstage life was marinated in shame and false identity… Only when you understand your identity as one who is already loved by God, your true Father, and you receive quality love from others based on who you are, will your backstage enable you to perform on your frontstage with a full and open heart.” [4]
Leading With a Whole Identity
When I combined Humble Leadership with the front/back stage idea, I began to see that Level 1 relationships are sustained mostly by my front stage. They’re transactional, role-based, performance-driven. People applaud me for what I do (wave my arms, run a rehearsal), but not necessarily for who I am.
To grow toward Level 2, I have to risk opening the curtain. I have to let a few people see backstage, not just my performance but my process, my doubts, my hopes, the parts of me that don’t always “look” successful.
This is where identity comes in. If my backstage identity is shaky—if I’m constantly hustling for approval while on the front stage—then opening up back stage feels very risky. So I remind myself of what Parker also writes: that my identity is already secure in Christ; I can risk being known. As Paul also reminds us, “Your life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). That hiddenness is not about secrecy, but security. It liberates me to show up humbly, as myself, not just as my role.
In my article, “Who Are You?” I describe what I call the “3 Zones of Leadership Presence.” When we lead from our belovedness in Christ, we lead from the Coherent zone of presence. In that place, my backstage and front stage become one whole story. In this space, leadership is not performance; it’s presence. [5]
Humble Leadership thrives in exactly that kind of space: open, trusting, personized relationships. Moving from Level 1 to Level 2 is less about grand gestures and more about simple, vulnerable acts: asking a real question, sharing a personal story, showing up at the coffee shop not as “the choir director” but simply as Debbie.
And maybe that’s the point. Leadership isn’t about playing the perfect front stage role or living perpetually backstage. It’s about integrating the two—living out of a whole, secure identity in Christ, and inviting others into relationships where we are both fully seen and fully safe.
That’s where trust grows. That’s where community deepens. That’s where leadership becomes not just a function, but a shared journey toward something “new and better.”
At the end of the day, Humble Leadership is about more than managing roles or functions. It’s about moving beyond fragmented performance into integrated, coherent presence. When our backstage identity in Christ is secure, our front stage becomes trustworthy, and our relationships move from transactional to transformational. That’s when leadership stops being a role we play and becomes a life we share.
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1 – Edgar H. Schein and Peter A. Schein, Humble Leadership; The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust, 2nd ed. (Oakland, CA: Barrett-Koehler, 2023), 137.
2 – Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are; Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (Carlisle, UK: Piquant, 2008), 24.
3 – Walker, 24.
4 – Johnny Parker, Front Stage, Back Stage; External Success Requires Internal Health (Virginia: AACC, 2024), 40-41.
5 – Deborah Owen, “Who Are You? The Hidden Operating System That Shapes How You Live and Lead,” Rooted & Rising (Substack), Aug. 20, 2025. https://debbieowen.substack.com/p/who-are-you
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.9 responses to “Cue the Curtain: When Leadership Stops Being an Act”
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Thanks Debbie. You highlight Transactional Leadership from the book, and as it aligns with my NPO, the following question will be helpful for me. What leadership practices do you believe are most effective in moving relationships from transactional, role-based interactions to trust-filled, transformational presence within a church or organisational context?
“You highlight Transactional Leadership from the book, and as it aligns with my NPO, the following question will be helpful for me. What leadership practices do you believe are most effective in moving relationships from transactional, role-based interactions to trust-filled, transformational presence within a church or organisational context?”
Glyn, honestly, the only thing I find that works is relationships. That’s what discipleship is all about and it spills out into all our other relationships and places in life. Getting to know someone, genuinely caring about what’s going on in their life… that’s the only thing that matters. The cliche, “People don’t remember what you say; they remember how you made them feel” is true.
Hi Debbie,
Thank you for your post.
How does the alignment between front stage performance and backstage identity shape a leader’s capacity to build Level 2 relationships rooted in trust, vulnerability, and coherence?
“How does the alignment between front stage performance and backstage identity shape a leader’s capacity to build Level 2 relationships rooted in trust, vulnerability, and coherence?”
Shela, good question. I believe there are times and places for backstage to remain backstage and for only one, two, or three people to be part of that. On the other hand, if you don’t show at least some vulnerability, you’ll never truly build up the level of trust required for Level 2 relationships. So sometimes it’s a balancing act.
Debbie, good job on your reflective and honest post. At the end of your post you acknowledge what you know to be true about developing level 2 relationships but I do wonder if you have an action plan of sorts to go along with it? Do you have a plan for what you might do in the next week or two to develop one specific relationship?
“At the end of your post you acknowledge what you know to be true about developing level 2 relationships but I do wonder if you have an action plan of sorts to go along with it? Do you have a plan for what you might do in the next week or two to develop one specific relationship?”
Adam, honestly, in the next week or two… I’m kinda booked. 🙂 That being said, at my initiation, my husband and I invited a small group of church friends to come over for Labor day. It turns out only one couple can come, but we tried. We’ll keep trying. And I’ll make a phone call or two each week to connect with someone I haven’t seen lately. That’s a good start.
Hey Debbie,
You are loved just for who you are.
Beautiful post.
Elysse, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: You are wise well beyond your years. 🙂 Thank you. I needed that.
Hi Debbie, thank you for your post. I desire to lead in a way that flows from wholeness rather than performance.
What do you think strengthening your backstage identity in Christ looks like so that we can have the courage to risk greater authenticity in our front stage relationships?