Build The Life You Long For
A few years ago, Wendy and I put on our backpacks and walked the Camino de Santiago. The Camino Frances is an 800-kilometre journey beginning in St. Jean Pied de Port, France and ending at the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. How do you walk 800 kilometres? One step at a time. One day at a time. Each seemingly mundane act, of putting one foot in front of the other over 34 days, made for an epic and unforgettable journey. This is the idea in Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results by Shane Parrish. This book is not about making big decisions, but about making better decisions in the ordinary, unplanned, daily moments of our lives so that we can build the kind of life we desire.
Clear Thinking is an enjoyable and helpful read. Parrish is a practitioner who has a background in cybersecurity and is now a writer, speaker, blogger, and entrepreneur. The book is based on his own experience and what he has gleaned from numerous sources. He has spent considerable time interviewing notable people, such as Daniel Kahneman and Warren Buffet. This could be perceived as a knock against the book. However, Parrish takes varied sources, integrates them, and makes them consumable for the average person in just 267 pages.
I have decided to compare the principles found in Clear Thinking with those found in Atomic Habits by James Clear. Atomic Habits focuses on habit formation and incremental improvements. It provides actionable strategies for creating good habits and breaking bad ones. James Clear notes, “Every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become.”[1] These are two very different books, about different subjects, but both are about how to change your life and shape your future one step at a time.
Mind the Small Moments
Often, we assume that it is the big decisions and big moments that matter most. However, both books focus on the minute details. These small moments, as unimportant as they may seem, are woven intricately into the fabric that forms the tapestry of our lives. Invariably, too many bad decisions mean we end up with a regrettable life tapestry. Conversely, good ordinary decisions make for an extraordinary life. Clear writes, “Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”[2] However, these small moments are deceiving. Parrish writes, “We don’t realize it at the time because these moments seem so insignificant.”[3] I note that there are no real small moments in life. Every moment and every decision is a significant one and should be stewarded with care.
Receive the Gift of Self-Awareness
As we consider making good decisions in these small moments, self-awareness should become a high priority. Like stepping on a scale following Christmas feasting, self-awareness is humbling but important. In Clear Thinking, we are to be aware of our biological instincts that can sabotage us. Parrish writes, “Failing to come to terms with them only makes us more susceptible to their influence.”[4] The four biological instincts that Parrish identifies are the emotion default, the ego default, the social default, and the inertia default. In Atomic Habits Clear creates self-awareness through goal setting and tracking progress toward the goal. He encourages the reader to use a habit scorecard for gaining self-awareness, explaining, “As you create your Habits Scorecard, there is no need to change anything at first. The goal is to simply notice what is actually going on.”[5] The habits scorecard helps one to notice progress toward the goal and to notice if the habit is effective. Self-awareness helps us to gain a better understanding of how to gain mastery over those things that prevent us from living the life we want.
Take Control of Life: Building Strength and Habits
Once we are aware of that which takes our lives where we don’t want to go, we can do something proactive and powerful to move in the right direction. Neither author believes that we are victims of our circumstances. Both believe that, by taking responsibility, we can create positive power toward shaping our future regardless of the circumstances. In Clear Thinking, Parrish writes, “If you train yourself to think, feel and act in ways that further your most important goals – if, in other words you build strength – then inertia becomes a nearly unstoppable force that unlocks your potential.”[6] The four key strengths he identifies are self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, and self-confidence.[7] In Atomic Habits, control takes place in the form of building habits. Clear explains, “The effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous.”[8] The process of building a habit is broken down into four steps: cue, craving, response, and reward. Shaping good habits around these four parts helps us to replace our bad habits with good ones and has a compounding effect. Both Parrish and Clear agree that there are simple processes, that when implemented, can positively conquer the forces that lead us away from the life we want. We are not helpless victims but can develop progress toward our life vision through a disciplined approach that compounds over time.
Shape The Environment
Finally, the ability to shape the outer world plays an important role in progress toward the vision we have for our lives. Both authors stress that a negative environment puts us in a position to fail, while a carefully curated environment sets us up to succeed. Chapter 3.2 of Clear Thinking is devoted to protecting yourself with environmental safeguards. Parrish writes, “Safeguards are tools for protecting ourselves from ourselves – from weakness we don’t have the strength to overcome.”[9] Atomic Habits devotes Chapter 6 to environmental design. Environments trigger cues in our minds that lead us to develop the habits we develop. Clear states that, “creating obvious visual cues can draw your attention toward a desired habit…If you want to make a habit a big part of your life, make the cue a big part of your environment.”[10] The life we want can be more easily achieved when we have taken the time to build an environment that helps us succeed.
Summary
In summary, building the life we want means living with intentionality rather than living according to our default settings. It necessitates stewarding the small moments well, becoming self-aware of the forces that lead us away from the goal, taking control of life through compounding processes that move us toward the goal, and setting up the outer world so that it works in our favour.
Parrish has been a good read to end this semester. I have appreciated his approach to making the most of every small decision that builds into a larger vision for life. I plan to apply this book during the summer, in work and family, as I have more space in my schedule to do so. I will also think about how the lessons learned in the book will carry forward into next semester as I re-engage with school.
[1] James Clear, Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results : An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones (New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, 2018), 41.Kindle.
[2] Clear, 17. Kindle.
[3] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (Toronto, Ontario: Viking Canada, 2023). xiv.
[4] Parrish, 7.
[5] Clear, Atomic Habits, 65.Kindle.
[6] Parrish, Clear Thinking, 40.
[7] Parrish, 41.
[8] Clear, Atomic Habits, 16. Kindle.
[9] Parrish, Clear Thinking, 101.
[10] Clear, Atomic Habits, 85,86. Kindle.
About the Author
Graham English
I was born in Cape Town, South Africa 30 minutes from Table Mountain, the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. My family immigrated to Vancouver, Canada where I spent my teen years, met Wendy, and got married. We now live on the Canadian prairies in northern Alberta. I think God has a sense of humour. I'm a follower of Jesus, work in leadership and church development, love my family and walk a lot.15 responses to “Build The Life You Long For”
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Graham,
I would love to do that walk with my wife. Maybe one day we will. I love Spain.
I think that this idea of just talking one step at a time is also the calling of the disciple of Jesus. We just need to keep talking the next step in line with Christ. Often people want to get to the end of the line without putting in the work of walking daily. How do you think we might apply Parrish’s line of thinking with Christians in our churches?
You would love it, Adam.
I love Dallas’ Willard’s approach to the spiritual disciplines. Willard writes that “as disciples, we are not trying to be different people, but we are training to be different people.” So we need to train to be like Jesus. These small daily decisions and disciplines that end up forming us into the likeness of Jesus.
For Willard though, the purpose of these disciplines is to transform the inner person so that the outer person reflects the character of Jesus.
Hi Graham, I appreciated your analogy of the Camino de Santiago because my mother has recently decided to attempt this journey. Perhaps, I will send her Parrish’s “Clear Thinking” before she buys a plane ticket?
Thank you for complementing this week’s assigned reading with “Atomic Habits.” I enjoyed reading about the similarities in ideas. In your leadership position, how do you encourage overseas workers to build an environment that will help them succeed? I ask this question because I am still trying to figure it out in my context in North Africa.
Elyse, your mom might enjoy reading or watching the documentary called I’ll Push You. It’s the story of Patrick Gray pushing and pulling his best friend Justin Skeesuck in a specially designed wheelchair for 500 miles of the Camino do Santiago. I watched the documentary, my wife read the book. Incredible story of friendship and determination.
Hi Elysse, regarding the Camino, I really think your mom could do it if she practiced good decision-making and good self-management on the trail.
Regarding setting up an environment for IWs, I am such a novice at this and feel like I shouldn’t even answer this. But here’s my limited perspective… Make your environment as life-giving as possible. I have a friend who works in a LAN. She lives in an apartment about the size of a prison cell but she has stuff from home, such as pics of people who pray for her, around her apartment.
In terms of healthy habits, James Clear says, make it Attractive, make it obvious, make it easy, make it satisfying. If you can set up an environment that boosts positive habits, that helps you flourish.
Graham,
Have you read or seen the documentary I”ll Push You?
It’s the story of Patrick Gray pushing and pulling his best friend Justin Skeesuck in a specially designed wheelchair for 500 miles of the Camino do Santiago. I watched the documentary, my wife read the book. Incredible story of friendship and determination. Just like your journey each step had to be carefully planned and at times required the help of others. As you build habits and engage in clear thinking, where do you see the role of others?
Jeff, I have watched the documentary. I think they were on the Camino the same year that we were there, but at a different time. I am amazed at how they pulled that off. Quite a spectacular and inspirational journey.
The role of others… I think people have a significant influence on both of these. First, people who have a positive influence help shape both. Parrish talked about having exemplars, people who think clearly. James Clear talked about surrounding yourself with people who are doing what you want to do. For example, if you want to get in shape, hang out with people who work out etc. I would see these falling into shaping your environment.
Thanks Graham! I have appreciated so much your posts over this semester and your reminder in this one of the little moments and decisions that make a difference. What are some small steps you plan to make in regards to furthering your learning and development as a leader this summer?
Thanks, Ryan. Likewise, I have appreciated your posts and have learned from you. I appreciate your heart for the sabbath. This is something that I’ve struggled with in this season of life as I navigate complexities in life, increased workload, and a doctoral degree. So, one of the things I plan to work on this summer is a reset on celebrating the sabbath and establishing healthier boundaries.
Fantastic Graham! I’d be happy to explore this further with you if I can be any help at all. I’m learning to come alongside people and coach them through their Sabbath journey and am looking for guinea pigs. No pressure of course but the offer is there!
Thanks, Ryan. I so appreciate the offer of sabbath coaching.
Hi Graham, Thanks for your inspirational and ‘clear’ post! Your theme of stewarding our decisions is very helpful. No questions, just commenting that I deeply appreciated this post.
Thanks, Julie.
Graham,
Thank you for helping me see a different side of things. I love learning from you!
What a great analogy to Parrish’s book — connecting it to your experience on the Camino. And, you’re the first person to make note that his book is not about making big decisions but how the small decisions we make day in and day out affect our overall decision-making skills.
I agree — there are no small moments in life. Each moment counts in some way.
You mentioned using some key points from this book in your work and family life. Which of the four points: self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, and self-confidence do you need the most intentionality? And, how will you make small steps to move towards a healthier Graham?
Thanks for the question, Nancy. I’m still processing this and working with my coach. At this point I am putting up some guard rails around daily technology use and weekly sabbath keeping. Of the 4 I think self-accountability is most needed.