Are We Thriving or Just Surviving?
There is nothing I love more than being part of the birth of an idea and seeing it come to fruition. However, I find that if I’m not careful, I can easily focus more on the task at hand rather than its substance and the people involved. One of the best pieces of advice I received from a prior employer was to prioritize people and not just administrative tasks. I continue to use this advice as a gauge to check if I am out of balance.
The “others-focused” principles outlined in Mining for Gold reaffirmed and put language to a leadership style/lifestyle where I have grown rather passionate. The concepts of Coaching Leadership resonate with me because a godly leader and friend, Kari Kinard, recognized my potential and empowered me to grow. And most importantly, she encouraged me to cooperate with the Holy Spirit and trust Him as the Great Refiner. It’s a very exciting and liberating process and one can’t help but want others to experience the same freedom.
The terms thriving, abundance, and fullness really stood out to me while reading the text. So often I hear the question, “Are we thriving or just surviving?” At times I have tricked myself into thinking that checking all the boxes is equal to thriving. This is not so. Each of Camacho’s six principles had an impact on me, but the last one particularly stood out to me. All true thriving is relational. God is relational and people matter to Him. As someone who works overseas and desires for people to become followers of Jesus, I completely agree with these words. Yes, God is relational. Of course, people matter to Him. These are easy for me to accept. However, it can be hard to look at myself and ask the hard questions necessary to discover where I lack clarity. It is difficult to find the courage to ask myself, “Am I thriving or just surviving?” I hold to the belief that if I am not thriving, I will be unable to fully see or draw out potential in others.
Leaders can easily find themselves trapped in a scarcity, victim mentality (i.e. lack of funds, personnel, personal talent, time, assets, etc.). It takes intentionality and focus to maintain an abundance mentality. God has given and continues to give abundantly. Camacho does a good job emphasizing the importance of keeping an abundance mentality. Gold is everywhere. We just have to open our eyes to see it. “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor. 9:8 [NIV]).” The idea of abundance mentality is something I greatly appreciate as I have seen the importance of asset-based community development in my work in North Africa.
Desiring to bring others into the fullness of their calling is my desire as a Christian leader. I have seen glimpses of this in North Africa and it is incredible. For three years I worked in a small clinic in one of the poorest areas of the city. Some days seemed desperate. There were many instances when I took a Nathanael attitude and asked, “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there? (Jn 1:46 [NIV])?” “Can anything good come out of this clinic?” The answer was, “Yes!” My colleague Kari and I chose to implement servant leadership into the clinic’s culture, believing that everyone had the potential to be their own solution. I found the leadership culture presented by Camacho was nearly identical to the environment we sought to create. It was incredible to witness the unique God-given abilities of each colleague. None of these colleagues are followers of Jesus, but seeing the holistic growth that has taken place gives me hope for the day they experience true fullness.
All thriving is relational. These words will stick with me. God has given us the gift of living in fullness with him, and I believe growth and health is a natural outflow from this. “That [we] may be filled with all the fullness of God (Eph 3:19 [NIV]).” Unfortunately, we so often limit ourselves because we lose focus and forget to cooperate with the Great Refiner. However, it is a comfort to know God wants us to thrive. He wants us to experience renewal, and he wants us to share it with others. Camacho’s holistic approach in Leadership Coaching has been invaluable to me because it has given me a new standard by which to measure whether I’m thriving or simply surviving.
Camacho, Tom. Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders Through Coaching (London: IVP Press, 2019).
About the Author
Elysse Burns
14 responses to “Are We Thriving or Just Surviving?”
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Hi Elysse,
I resonate with the insight about the potential trap of scarcity, victim mentality among leaders. The emphasis on maintaining an abundance mentality is crucial, and I appreciate how Camacho highlights this aspect. Yes, the reminder that abundance is present, and it’s a matter of perspective to recognize it, thus I find this to be a powerful message that can positively impact leadership mindset.
It’s inspiring to read that the leadership culture described by Camacho aligns closely with the environment you aim to create.
How do you measure or gauge whether you are maintaining the right balance between tasks and prioritizing people? Are there specific indicators or signals you look out for?
Shela, thank you for your kind comments. My gauge is something internal that comes from years of greater self-awareness. I’m naturally introverted and like to hide in an office and ‘shuffle paper’. It has been the work of the Holy Spirit to transform me into a relational person. However, as I am naturally introverted, I need to recharge. If I spread myself too thin and am unable to recharge, the stress of constantly being around people causes me to hide behind tasks and check boxes and disregard the people around me. Full transparency: this happened to me at Oxford.
This is still an area where the Holy Spirit is still refining me. I usually know I have defaulted to old tendencies when I completely checkout and become a task-oriented robot. However, I know this isn’t me anymore. When this happens, I know I need to be alone with the Lord and get recharged.
Hi Elysse! You underscore a valuable point in the beginning of your post. Making people the priority over the project/ product. I think most leaders can get caught in that crucible more often than we care to admit. As Camacho and you emphasize the goal is to create a path towards thriving. As you work to impact lives through your clinic, i know many are thriving as a result of your work. Thanks for sharing!
Elysse, I like how your post has bookends of being relational, starting with having focus on the people involved with you and circling around to focus and rely on the Great Refiner (above). I think this is important for all of us and makes me wonder what helps to draw you back into focus when you recognize it has wandered?
Diane, I appreciate your kind words. Spending time with the Lord is really the only way to get me back into “thriving” mode. About two years ago I read “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” by Ruth Haley Barton and it really helped me form good habits. I tend to rush into projects without meditating on God’s promises for me and for humanity. Often, just spending time in silence and reminding myself that He is God helps me get back on track.
Recently, I’ve found myself feeling very overwhelmed by life and defaulting to old behaviors. Over the past few weeks, I have started each morning by spending about 10-15 minutes in silence with the Lord. This really helps me keep the right perspective about prioritizing people over tasks.
I guess that was a very long answer to say that He is still refining me!
Elysse, I am captivated by the idea of everyone having the potential to be their own solution, I want to know more about this very intriguing lens on human flourishing. In what ways will Mining for Gold be most helpful in your largely non-Christian context?
Julie, just as I pressed send to respond to your comment, the power went out. Everything was lost. Alas! I will try again.
During my experience in North Africa, I noticed that local employees did not show a lot of autonomy. Unfortunately, I think this is sometimes misinterpreted as a lack of ability or will. I knew that wasn’t the case. Our approach to working with our local staff was really about empowering them to find their own solutions. This involved asking them good open-ended questions and walking alongside them through the process. I found most of the time that their solutions were better than mine and more culturally appropriate. It was like they just needed someone to give them permission. This is strictly in my professional context, but I pray it carries over into their personal lives.
I look forward to using Camacho’s list of areas where it is vital to have clarity. The points Camacho lists do sound similar to the culture we sought to instill with the local staff. We regularly reflected on God’s goodness and reminded them that they are of great value, as is every patient who walks through the door. With each new biblical principle we instill, I hope that if they decide to accept the gospel for themselves, they will think, “Oh! It all makes sense now!
I appreciate the language I was able to learn from Camacho. This gives me a good structure to work with in the future.
Elysse, I read your reply after our Zoom today – the word ‘permission’ really stands out in connection with the conversation about coaching in other cultures. Thanks!
Elysse, I appreciate your openness and love how you started and ended this post with people/ meaningful connections. Your line “At times I have tricked myself into thinking that checking all the boxes is equal to thriving. This is not so.” is one I know so many relate to, in different ways. And I think it’s a powerful question we must ask ourselves; “am I truly thriving or simply surviving?”
When I think about this for myself, what’s interesting is that a big part of whether or not I’m thriving comes down to the health of my relationships. If I have a depth of intimacy with even just a couple people in whose presence I can trust I’ll be seen and held as my full self, then no matter what else is happening I feel so much more equipped to thrive. But it’s when I feel alone and isolated from others that survival and lack often take over.
But like you said, if “All thriving is relational,” then what does that mean not only for you in your workplace but also as you think about your network of support in day-to-day life, especially as someone who lives outside your culture or origin?
Akwése, thank you for your thoughtful comments. Like you, I can identify where I am emotionally or spiritually based on the health of my relationships. This includes God and people. I’m introverted by nature and tend to be more task-oriented. However, the Holy Spirit has shaped me to be a relational person, someone who loves her neighbor.
I discovered that in North Africa, I have to live each day with intentionality. When I try to “wing it,” things usually go wrong. It is difficult to establish deep relationships with the people of the Sahara, because they are very private. However, when I am invited to an event or meal, I intentionally prepare questions to help create deeper conversation. I have found that this extra work makes it easier to build meaningful interactions. Even though my local friends aren’t followers of Jesus and don’t edify me spiritually, I really feel like we care for each other. The relationships are authentic.
I love how Camacho emphasizes the importance of looking at the people around you through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. I have to be very intentional about this because I can easily checkout if I’m pushed too far out of my comfort zone. Let’s just say there is a lot of prayer and repentance happening on my side of the world.
Elysse, thank you for your reply, this is really powerful. What a beautiful testament to how God works in and through us and I think you’re spot on when you hit at how despite the relationships not being spiritually edifying, they are real and authentic and we shouldn’t overlook that value. I’ve also been learning this and just like you said I do believe it comes down to seeing people through God’s eyes. Something else I’ve realized is that we need to discern who we’re dealing with when we engage with others. What I mean is that not everyone will be our best friends and not everyone will share our same level of faith but that doesn’t mean we can’t have meaningful relationships with them, however, we do need to know who is who or else we’ll end up frustrated, with expectations that can’t be met simply because we lacked real discernment on who that person was to be to us/ who we were to be to them.
Yes! I agree with you 100%!
Several of your thoughts resonated with me Elyse. The idea of ticking boxes – doing rather than being – can confine the work and limit growth. We live in a world that focuses on producing, measuring our worth based on our level of productivity. It’s why I often find it challenging to socialize without also doing something ( I once took my embroidery to a casual get-together to ease my own discomfort.). I have to remind myself that planning programs or events are not my purpose, building relationships while doing the planning is where my character is being developed, and where Holy Spirit is moving. When you find yourself getting too caught up in the doing, what actions do you take to return to the balance?
Erica, I appreciate your thoughts. I would love to see that embroidery you brought to the get-together! Africa really changed my view of people versus tasks. Tasks never go as planned, so I try to focus on interacting with people. This has to be very intentional on my part, because interactions in my adopted culture can still make me anxious. I have to recognize the emotions and stress that this can sometimes cause, because if I push too much, it’s a disaster.
I think it’s just about needing time alone with the Lord to recharge. I need to deliberately put “alone time” into my schedule. This is a new practice for me. I tend to launch into projects without meditating on God’s promises for me and for humanity. Often, just spending time in silence and reminding myself of God’s sovereignty and love for me and others helps me get back on track. Chocolate helps too!