Anxious Living!
Anxiety
I had a conversation this week with a client that shared that they suffer from anxiety. They shared it in a conversation that the topic was not their mental health but as an explanation of how they responded or didn’t respond in a situation. The interesting thing about this situation is that I did not find it odd or outside of the norm that they struggle with anxiety. It is quite common and doesn’t carry the stigma that it once did. I actually found it helpful as we were trying to determine the next move for this client. What I did find interesting/odd is that we were reading about anxiety this week while I was navigating this situation with my client. I’d like to say that the book helped me advise the client, but it didn’t. I did, however, recommend that she read it as she is also trying to understand how to relate and lead her younger staff members.
Raising Them Wrong
I was fascinated by Haidt’s invitation to view the late 1980’s through a different lens. Although I was coming of age in the late 80’s (I was born in the great year of 1970), I had an absolute ball playing, being outside, and having actual face to face conversations with people. Haidt states, “I propose that we view the late 1980’s as the beginning of the transition from a “play-based childhood” to a “phone-based childhood,” a transition that was not complete until the mid-2010’s, when adolescents had their own smartphone. [1] I have no memory of a “phone-based childhood”. We barely used the phone for actual conversations, it was usually brief just to confirm where we were meeting and what time, especially before call waiting. The conversations were brief and quick because you didn’t want to keep someone from trying to get through. God, forbid they need to get through and have to call the operator interrupt the call. It was a whole process, and we would be in big trouble if someone had to interrupt the line to get through in an emergency, so we avoided it by making quick calls. So, if the transition began in the late 80’s it was a slow snail-paced process and more than likely didn’t speed up until cell phones were readily available in the mid-90’s which is evidenced in my experience as a parent of a child born in the early 90’s, she had a “play-based childhood” also.
Haidt states his primary claim” is that these two trends- overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world-are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation. [2] I immediately began to think of my two youngest children born in 2008 and 2010. Am I overprotecting in one key area and underprotecting in another? Probably! Haidt goes on to describe the “real world” characteristics as being embodied, synchronous, primarily one-to-one and having a high bar entry /exit and the “virtual world” characteristics as being disembodied, asynchronous, one to many and having a low bar entry/exit. This left me feeling a bit anxious about my parenting. I was really interested in the recommendations for fostering a healthier childhood in this digital age. The measuring stick that he uses made it clear that I (we) am not getting this right. Haidt suggests that kids have:
- No smart phones before high school
We failed at this. They both had smartphones in middle school.
- No social media before 16
The 14-year-old does not have social media (at least not that we know of) and the 16-year-old joined Instagram this Summer.
- Phone free schools
Their High School allows phones in school but requires them to be put up during class time.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence [3]
I’m not sure how I feel about this one in this season of life. I want them to be free of devices and have good old fun, but unsupervised play and teenagers is a tricky combination. This one is work in progress.
Depression
I am concerned about depression in young people and the effect that the isolation of Covid-19 had on their mental health. I am especially tuned in to my children and their peers. It is scary that the reality is that we may never fully understand how they have been affected. They have been socially impacted in ways that we have never seen before. Haidt shares, “An important feature of depression for this book is its link to social relationships. People are more likely to become depressed when they become (or feel) more socially disconnected, and depression then makes people less interested and able to seek out social connections.[4] I worry about this and the connection to overdependence on electronics. Are our young people able to socially engage or is the norm being disconnected from people and attached to technology and virtual experiences? I don’t know but I do know that I want to have more conversations with fellow parents and try to agree on how we all can support our community of children together. Honestly, it scares me.
[1] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (New York, NY: Penguin Press, 2024), 7.
[2] Ibid, 9.
[3] Ibid, 15.
[4] Ibid, 29.
About the Author
Jonita Fair-Payton
8 responses to “Anxious Living!”
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Hi Jonita,
Pam Lau told me that God is not surprised by the internet.
My mind flashed back to Genesis 11:6 The LORD said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.
Then I thought about a hard wood tree. One person harvests the fruit for 20 years feeding family and friends, when the tree dies the farmer makes a plow, One, a Soldier, takes the wood and makes a shaft for a spear. Somewhere in the tree’s life there were children climbing, children swinging, and teen agers smooching in the cool shade.
God created man and the tree. With free will he gave us, we are challenged, tempted, connected by social media. Pluses? I interact with Europe and Africa daily on social media. Minuses? Well Haidt spells that out.
Consider the gun, like social media useful or deadly.
That’s all I got.
Shalom
Russell,
Thank you for pointing out the positive uses of the internet. We are able to connect to people that we would not have such easy access to without the internet and social media. I guess we have it to thank you the connections that we have built in our Cohort.
Hi Jonita,
You mentioned you were concerned about depression in young people. In many ways I feel that Haidt’s book could have been titled “The Depressed Generation.” Anxiety and depression are often present together. I, too, worry about this generation, their overdependence on their devices, which can so easily limit their social interactions. I hear of too many young people (and a few adults I know) whose primary relationships are with others on gaming apps and platforms. How do you think as elders we can come along side and help kids who may be struggling to develop “in person” social relationships?
Jenny,
Such a great question. I think that we have to remind them the value to personal connections without asking them to choose. Perhaps offer conversations and face-to-face meetings as an additional way to connect and not an “instead of” choice.
“Haidt states his primary claim” is that these two trends- overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world-are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”
How did I miss this quote!?! This is so true and sums up what is happening. Guilty of this as well with my kids. This book is extremely relevant for us as parents of young kids right now. They love their screens and we go back and forth with how much to let them use them. We don’t want to fall into that underprotective category!
Adam,
It is a delicate balance that we must navigate. I find myself second guessing the things that I say yes to and the things that I have said no to. Parenting… rewarding and exhausting.
Hi Jonita,
Thank you for your enlightening post. You wrote, “I worry about this and the connection to overdependence on electronics. Are our young people able to socially engage or is the norm being disconnected from people and attached to technology and virtual experiences? I don’t know but I do know that I want to have more conversations with fellow parents and try to agree on how we all can support our community of children together. Honestly, it scares me.” All parents who want the best for their children share your fears and anxieties. I think Haidt helps us to be aware of this crucial issue that is often overlooked. Therefore, Christian leaders and churches need to think seriously about preventing and addressing the negative impacts of gadgets and social media on children and teens.
Dinka,
I agree with you. As Christian Leaders we need to find ways to address the impact of social media. It is important that we find ways to connect with young people and not isolate them. They may require us meeting them in the middle.