Antifragile: Stress, Risks, Mistakes
The book Antifragile is not for the faint of heart. The term “antifragile” is difficult to define, but the author Nassim Taleb describes it this way: “The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.” [1] Through my lens as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I will provide a summary of a few of the lessons that Taleb shares.
Acute stress is better than chronic stressors
All the clients I meet with have chronic stress. Nassim Taleb is correct when he states: “Humans do better with acute stress than with chronic stressors, particularly when the former are followed by ample time for recovery, which allows the stressors to do their jobs as messengers.” [2] What if the acute stressor is emotional, where a significant other says something hurtful? What will it take for this hurt to heal? I believe Jo Nelson, a psychologist in the UK, makes a good distinction in how a relationship weathers hurts when she states: “When relationships are strong, people will forgive mistakes.”[3] So quick healing messages (“I am sorry,” “Will you forgive me?”) will communicate best when the condition of the relationship is healthy, like a physical body will heal quicker if the overall health of the body is in good condition.
Why are people so resistant to change, even during stress? These stressors are trying to send messages that people are not able to receive. Rian McMullin is cited in the New Handbook of Cognitive Therapy Techniques, where he notes that “most clients change only in small painful steps if they change at all.” He also says that no matter what techniques their therapists use with them, “many clients will continue to suffer through their problem until some crisis forces them to make a choice.” [4] So acute stress is of great value; it serves as a wake-up call. Here are the words from a client who realized that her emotional pain was a way that God was trying to communicate to her: “I had never even considered that God might be speaking to me through my emotional states, and I never considered until therapy that God was giving me important information about my own pain.”[5] Discovering the meaning behind emotional pain is what will bring great insight and alleviate persistent stressors.
It is good to take risks
Is it worth the risk? I met with a client today who is a relationship addict (other clinicians may view her as a sex addict). She is beginning to consider if she can risk being alone and not depend on a man to meet her needs. Nassim Taleb describes taking risks this way: “If you take risks and face your fate with dignity, there is nothing you can do that makes you small; if you don’t take risks, there is nothing you can do that makes you grand, nothing. And when you take risks, insults by half men (small men, those who don’t risk anything) are similar to barks by non-human animals; you can’t feel insulted by a dog.”[5] What would it be like for this woman to take the risk of freeing herself from this unhealthy cycle? I believe she would be free to pursue life independent of being emotionally tied to men, out of a cycle which drove her into the next relationship. This would be a risk worth taking. Albert Ellis writes about encouraging clients to experiment, “they can only find out what truly is effective for them by taking some experimental chances and risks.” [6] I hope to encourage my client to explore how she might make courageous choices for herself. I know that she will need to be assured of safety to make the next steps in her life. As Robert Kegan says in his book, Immunity to Change, “Learning whether it is possible to think and feel that we can still be safe while pursuing a change is the essential change challenge.” [7]
It is good to learn from mistakes
If we are to learn from our mistakes, there must be a certain mindset that is characterized by humility and a desire to learn. Nassim Taleb describes someone who can’t learn: “My characterization of a loser is someone who, after making a mistake, doesn’t introspect, doesn’t exploit it, feels embarrassed and defensive rather than enriched with a new piece of information, and tries to explain why he made the mistake rather than moving on.”[8] What I have found is that clients will introspect and find justification for how they are right, dismissing or minimizing the opportunity to see where they have made a mistake. I recently met with a client who reported viewing pornography at the age of six. I recommended that he do some research on brain studies of those who have viewed pornography for years. This client was not receptive to this suggestion. I would have hoped for this client to see the need to learn from his mistake, turning from this self-inflicted injury. If he chose to learn from this mistake, healing would come. “If the human sciences have taught us anything in the past thirty years, especially through discoveries in neuroscience and neuropsychology, it is how malleable human development is.”[9] The ability to change is in the malleability of the brain. Taleb promotes a strong sense of ownership and responsibility we each as individuals need take to impact society as a whole: “It is not ideas that survive but people who have the right ones, or societies that have the correct heuristics, or the ones, right or wrong, that lead them to do the good thing.” [10] Individuals have the ability to learn from failures and this impacts society as a whole.
These lessons remind me of Romans 5:3-5. “We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
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[1] Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile, New York: Random House, p.3
[2] Ibid. p.58
[3] Jo Nelson, Leadership and Derailment, Plenary at Oxford with Dld. students, September 2023
[4] Kutter Callaway and William B. Whitney, Theology for Psychology and Counseling: An Invitation to Holistic Christian Practice, Grand Rapids, Baker Academic, 2022, p.137
[5] Ibid. p.151
[6] Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile, New York: Random House, p.380
[6] Albert Ellis, Overcoming Resistance: A Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Integrated Approach, New York: Springer, p.216
[7] Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Boston: Harvard Business Review, p.215
[8] Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile, New York: Random House, p.74
[9] Kutter Callaway and William B. Whitney, Theology for Psychology and Counseling: An Invitation to Holistic Christian Practice, Grand Rapids, Baker Academic, 2022 p.120
[10] Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile, New York: Random House, p.391
About the Author
Kristy Newport
11 responses to “Antifragile: Stress, Risks, Mistakes”
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Great work Kristy. As always, very thorough. I am so glad you brought in your experience as the therapist. Also, I will chew on this quote from Taleb: “If you take risks and face your fate with dignity, there is nothing you can do that makes you small; if you don’t take risks, there is nothing you can do that makes you grand, nothing. And when you take risks, insults by half men (small men, those who don’t risk anything) are similar to barks by non-human animals; you can’t feel insulted by a dog.”
It is good for me to take risks! I’m taking that with me today!
David,
Thank for reading my blog!
I have varied responses to the quote I used and you noted. But it does make you think!
I recorded a podcast yesterday on Being a Courageous Leader. I would love your input on it. Maybe I can have you hear this…when I get it out! The person I interviewed spoke of taking risks and had some good things to say!!
Kristy – There is so much goodness packed into your post. Stress is the focus on my doctoral project, so I loved reading your sources and explanation. Chronic stress is such an epidemic and it raises our baseline stress to the degree that even little spikes can kick us into burnout and even mental illness. What are the commons techniques/life style changes you recommend to your clients to reduce their chronic stress?
Laura,
You are kind! Thanks for reading my post!!
pasting your question here:
“What are the commons techniques/life style changes you recommend to your clients to reduce their chronic stress?”
1st- Assessment is Key prior to making recommendations. This will help me know the specific areas that they need to decrease stress
2nd- consideration…I ask myself often if a client would benefit from a cognitive/emotional stress reliever or will stress be reduced with a behavioral approach?
3rd- Sleep- I always assess and promote a regular routine because sleep impacts stress in big ways. Sleep might not be something that the client brings up. It often takes my assessing.
Other simple interventions:
Regular rituals which promote flourishing
exercise, connecting with friends, self-care
prayer, etc.
I personally need to have a hair appt on my calendar and love to get a pedicure and it’s fun to have a “walk and talk”/ phone call with friends.
What are some personal self care practices that you enjoy?
Those are great suggestions. I agree that sleep is key in being resilient to stress. I’m learning more and more about the vagus nerve and it’s role in the parasympathtic nervous system. It seems like there may be great promise in learning how to strengthen and exercise it. Have you read much about the vagus nerve?
Kristy,
Considering your insights into risk-taking and its potential for personal growth, what advice would you give to someone hesitant to step out of their comfort zone, especially in the context of emotional vulnerability or relationship dynamics?
Deron-
Thanks for reading my blog!
Fantastic question!!
Restating your quote:
“hesitant to step out of their comfort zone, especially in the context of emotional vulnerability or relationship dynamics?”
1st ?- What makes you/person hesitant to step out of comfort zone?
2nd ?- What is the relationship that is in ? Is this an important/ priority relationship for you? The more important the relationship/close/intimate….the desire to be vulnerable is greater. Also the need to risk- good to pursue this. Ex. a marriage relationship is worth investing in….taking the risk. BUT still…what is making a person hesitant in this intimate relationship? There is so much that can be processed / unpacked…. this goes to past hurts more than likely.
Anyone who is hesitant to risk has risked before and it hasn’t gone the way they have hoped. so
3rd ?- What will make it SAFE to take the risk emotionally? This is key!
4th ?- What boundaries need to be considered? How much should I share? When is the best time to share something sensitive? Where should this conversation happen (not around the kids/at home?)
These are good considerations to insure the conversation is safe.
I hope this helps Deron…I am answering this off the top of my head
Kristy,
Such a great post, I really enjoyed Antifragile, it was almost freeing for me. I was reminded by the quote by Winston Churchill when I read this book.
You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks. Well done.
Winston S. Churchill
Kristy, I echo everyone else – great post. Thank you for sharing from your wisdom as a therapist. Your clients are blessed to have you. I love how you answered Laura’s question about how to reduce chronic stress. It took me a long time to recognize the need for margin in my life. Now, I am much better at planning it in, though I still have far to go! How do you plan on recovering from the stressor of completing a doctorate?
Hey Kristy,
I was curious what you thought of Taleb and the concept of antifragile. Do you think the label “antifragile” is helpful or descriptive of the examples you offered in the blog?
What is your approach as a therapist if someone is not willing to do the work that you are suggesting?
In my pastoral care settings, I am tempted to just dig in with the person and say, “we can’t move forward if you are not willing to do consider my suggestions.” How do you approach those kind of situations?
Chad,
These questions that you raise are worthy of having a sit down at an Oxford pub!!
I have so much that I would love to process here!
I just met with a client yesterday who i have met with for years and he continues to not take some of my input. Pacing with people can be a struggle. How to push and how to pace….such a dance. Can you imagine how much God paces with us with patience and long suffering!!??!
I think my biggest input would be-
have a SONAR RADAR out for what you might find that is good about anything good that you are seeing or hearing or experiencing from this person.
They may not be willing to take your advice (even Godly/Scriptural direction) but if they continue the relationship with you….this says something. Due to the long standing relationship….finding that little sliver that is positive will be possible. People are in desperate need to be heard and seen.
Are we reading Immunity to Change this next semester? I believe we are. I am looking forward to this!!
Thanks for asking Chad
Thanks for reading my post
I have more thoughts on Antifragile
I was tempted to go a whole other direction
Sharing a critique on the book
Caleb did a fabulous job on this
I highly recommend his blog!
Hey- i am eager to get some links for your podcasts!