Alternative a Must!
This book, ‘A FAILURE OF NERVE’ by Edwin H. Friedman is a bit difficult and cumbersome for me to grasp for my week’s reading. So, I went back and forth between what others said about it, while doing my reading. This process helps me a lot. But I would still need more time to fully read it.
When reading the first chapter of Friedman’s book, ‘Imaginative Gridlock and the Spirit of Adventure,’ it gets me thinking and asking myself questions about some issues that I have encountered. Friedman said, “There are three major, interlocking characteristics common to any relationship system that has become imaginatively gridlocked: an unending treadmill of trying harder; looking for answers rather than reframing questions; and either/or thinking that creates false dichotomies.” [1]
One issue that my community is currently tackling with is dealing and assisting our community financial expenses when a loved ones died. It sounds simple, but when our cultures (Micronesian culture) are involved, it gets complicated. Back in Micronesia when someone in the community died, we gathered mourned for the loved one, bring what we can to assist the family and then the burial. Now that we (Micronesians) are scattered out in the mainland U.S., we brought that concept of ‘assisting a family of the decedent.’ But within the U.S. it is more than just gathered and bring something; but there is that expectation to assist in raising the fund for the funeral expenses from services provided by the mortuary and Funeral Services (Viewing) to the repatriation of the decedents and more.
When small migrant community like mine (the Micronesians) try to bring over their culture without considerations of the effects, it puts burdens on our community. Just from January of this year (2024), our small community has participated in four funerals. There are probably options out there that our community can explore and at least try, but we are still stuck with this idea. Just as Friedman said, “The treadmill of trying harder is driven by the assumption that failure is due to the fact that one did not try hard enough.” [2] And this is basically what was echoed by the elders within our community is the fact that we need to work hard to help each other out. There is no hint of seeking other options or alternatives.
Personally, as one of the leaders within the Micronesian community, I’d say that we need to seek alternatives for better option. We must ‘Expand our Horizons’ and take risk – for risk and risk and reality are interconnected (Friedman, 2017). [3] And not only that but we definitely needed to sharpen our leadership skills as we are to lead in this ‘VUCA’ world – a world that is ‘Volatile, Uncertain, complex and Ambiguous (Poole, Kindle). [4]
[1] Friedman, Edwin H.. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition) (p. 61) Church Publishing Incorporated. Kindle Edition.
[2] Ibid (p. 62).
[3] Ibid.
[4] Poole, Eve. Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership (p. 8). Bloomsbury Publishing. Kindle Edition.
About the Author
Noel Liemam
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Noel, thank you for sharing about the complexities in a Micronesian culture regarding the financial situation when someone dies. You mention although there is no hint of seeking other options or alternatives you think new alternatives need to be sought by those in leadership. How have alternatives been introduced in the past, and what can you learn from that approach?