All Too Human
A long time ago, I picked up a mantra that has guided much of my work: If you understand how a person thinks, their behavior makes sense. I’ve fine-tuned this thought over the years to include feelings (if you understand why a person feels the way that they do, their behaviors also make sense) and their context – their life experiences, their skills, their passions, their human frailty. Thus, as I read this week’s book, The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Enterprise (1) I found a lot of the concepts to be rather familiar. I’m a social worker, after all, and my work has been guided by research and theory in psychology, human behavior, cultural studies and organizational development. I wasn’t blown away, but I truly appreciated Kets De Vries very thoughtful and comprehensive discussion of leadership as it is shaped and developed by an individual’s well-being or “inner theater”, competencies, and context.(2)
The book raised a number of thoughts for me. First, from a practical standpoint, I appreciated the inclusion of multiple interactive tools to assess personality, leadership styles, organizational strengths and styles, and how to apply these. As a functional tool, it is a book that I will likely reference throughout my teaching and coaching work. From a personal point of view, I might even refer back to it as I update my Personal Leadership Development Plan. It’s a useful book.
I got to thinking about the many leaders I have known throughout my life so far. Being human is a true challenge to leadership. It is essential – you can’t lead and not be human. But the accomplishments of leadership don’t always look like the man or woman who led the action. Some leaders drench their donuts in whiskey for breakfast (I have a whole new perspective on Walt Disney). Some look like model citizens but lead horrendous actions (i.e. Hitler). I had a discussion this morning about our former County Chair who left office in disgrace following an affair that as it turns out was not his only indiscretion. He was a great guy with great ideas but human failings. Which in turn reminded me of what George Stephanopoulos wrote about former President Bill Clinton: “…if only this great president had been a better man.”(3)
I thought about my personal connections with leaders in the public, non-profit, private and religious sectors. I began to think how rare it is to find a leader who is truly balanced, healthy, and effective. I know leaders who “don’t play well with others”, and yet their organizations grow. I know those who are driven and brilliant, and whom I like a great deal, and have also led their organizations to grow into… mediocrity. I have known pastors who are loved and inspiring, and were (and some still are) personally frail. They had limited ego strength and were too tender to the challenges and conflicts of leadership. Regardless of the sector, there are all these all-too-human leaders.
I don’t write about these leaders to judge them. I, too, am all-too-human. Rather, I want to acknowledge the considerable courage that it takes to grow into a balanced, healthy, resilient leader who is also effective. It requires self reflection, internal fortitude, spiritual hope, faithful and trustworthy social support from family and friends, accountability, and some skills. It takes courage to be honest, to acknowledge your own human frailty, to pursue healing and health, to develop a trustworthy inner circle who knows you – even the painful stuff – and to hold you accountable while lifting you up.
I find myself less critical about this week’s reading, and more reflective. I also find myself grateful for a God who understands us. Me. When I think about Christian leadership, I think about the considerable challenge of also being human. People in religious institutions often hold higher standards for their Christian leaders. They expect them to be without sin, which is a false expectation. They expect them not to make hurtful mistakes, to be completely transformed in Christ, and never to falter. These are also unrealistic expectations. Leaders working in these institutions often struggle to be honest. If they let their followers know that they are only human, that they make mistakes, it is not always well received. So rather than be honest, they try to keep their “look good” up which only leads to more secrets, more shame, more false sense of self. I have great compassion for leaders in the faith. I think perhaps of all of the sectors, it is most challenging to be human and real in the church.
It is also where it is most important. It is here that we can model what healing in Christ looks like. It is here that we can model what the lifelong (not instantaneous) process of sanctification looks like. It is here that we can model that we are all learning, and none of us have arrived. I wonder what impact the church might really make if we had the strength and courage to acknowledge our human weakness but live and lead in the strength that is Christ. I don’t know that I am saying what I really mean. It seems far too simplistic.
So I will share what my goals are with my students. I want them to learn the skills and competencies to be good social workers. I really don’t care what grades they get; I want them to have the right skills. But just as essential is that they diligently pursue healing and health. People who enter helping professions have often experienced significant pain or lived with great struggle. If they serve from that place of pain, they will serve out of their own need, and not necessarily recognize it. They (we) must make a commitment to develop their own emotional, social, physical and spiritual health. Otherwise it is far more likely that they will burn out, leave the field, or cause harm.
It would be so lovely if all of us did that. But so many of us don’t. I am reminded of when Jesus looked out over the people. “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36) Perhaps if we had a little more compassion, if we recognized one another – even our leaders – as human, we might create space where we can follow the shepherd to safety.
(1) Manfred Kets De Vries, The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Enterprise, Harlow, England: Preston Hall, 2006.
(2) Ibid, p. 7.
(3) George Stephanopoulos, All Too Human: A Political Education, Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1999, p. 443.
About the Author
Julie Dodge
Julie loves coffee and warm summer days. She is an Assistant Professor of Social Work at Concordia University, Portland, a consultant for non-profit organizations, and a leader at The Trinity Project.7 responses to “All Too Human”
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Julie,
This is a very moving reflection.
I really liked Kent de Vries book — as I see you do as well — but I appreciate what I see as a gentle, reflective “but this…” thought from you. Thanks.
Your reflection reminds me of the importance of Nouwen’s The Wounded Healer and The Life of the Beloved (among others). Your reflection also reminds me of Nouwen himself. So much good has come from those who are perhaps less than “balanced” or “holistically healthy” or “all things to all people” per se. I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t seek some further levels of wholeness — God forbid — but like you, I am suggesting we ought to make sure that there is plenty of space, plenty of grace for people where they are currently at and plenty of recognition that there is much we can learn from people who have not perhaps yet received their beatification or sainthood.
You know Clint, I’m really hoping for that grace to both learn from and be one of those people who hasn’t quite reached beatification. Nice thoughts on Nouwen, too. Thank you.
Hi, Julie, very good post…I like your emphasis on humanity and I see this as significant theme throughout Kets de Vries book. Your reflections have dimensionally increased my perspective.
The author makes clear in the first pages of “The Leadership Mystique” that his objective is to focus on people. To do so he incorporates “the dismal science” and “the impossible profession” to view leadership through a “clinical” lens. He notes that while most leadership theory is concerned with “organization structure and systems,” his research will focus on the people that makeup an organization, the human side. In his final summation, Kets de Vries demystifies the mystique of effective leadership. Two of his concepts are “humanity & humility.”
Your personal clinical reflections (your personal narrative) gives credibility to the author’s research. You note your personal “considerable challenge of also being human” and to help others (students) “to learn the skills and competencies to be good social workers … to have the right skills. But just as essential is that they diligently pursue healing and health.” Being a leader and helping others to lead from the humble recognition of one’s own humanity seems to be your prime leadership objective. Ultimately we are all in need of the great Shepherd. It seems as you note, we tend to exalt self. Do you think humility in our culture is conceived as weakness? If we lead in humility, does our society see that as leading from a place of weakness?
Ron, I think your comments were better than my post! Great thoughts! I do think that the vulnerability that comes with being honest about self can be seen as weakness. But I think it is often the person who is practicing vulnerability who feels exposed and fears being seen as needy, more than the people observing such vulnerability. When we are honest before one another, as long as there is movement toward God and growth, I think observers often see more courage and strength. As far as humility goes, that’s a whole different thought. First, I think many people misunderstand humility. Some think of it more like humiliation – de-valuing a person’s worth. Some see it as passivity or following behind another – which isn’t humility at all. These and other misunderstandings fuel the association with weakness. But I think humility is powerful, rooted in the security of our identity in Christ. But if you don’t know Christ, our culture seems to struggle with all of this.
Ahhhh, Julie. Reflective, practical, and beautifully written, as always. How can I get enrolled in one of your classes? 🙂
You already are, my friend, and I am enrolled in yours. I’m thinking that every week we are teaching one another.
Julie, so true. If all our great leaders could be better men and women. Saving face is a human flaw we all have. As you said it all leads to more secrets, more shame, more false sense of self. We die a little inside and it takes a lot to resurrect those little deaths.
Wow! What a statement you say…. “I think perhaps of all of the sectors, it is most challenging to be human and real in the church.” Why this so true? We never want to get “naked” or “real” least we are rejected. To be rejected by the church would be to much?