active listening
Manfred Kets de Veries‘ book The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Enterprise is full of insights from a real life leadership experiences helpful for leaders seek to be effective in leadership positions. In the preface, de Veries highlights the conspicuous neglect in the research for human factors, instead specialists in this field give precedence to organization over people (pg. xix). Thus the challenge he presents to his readers is to try to understand leadership dynamics from the interpersonal dimension. Does this challenge sound familiar in the church? Do churches give prominence to events and programs that would suck life out of their ministers? What would the motivation be for giving precedence to programs over people?itisexam.com
Perhaps programs might make the church look effective from outside, but from inside, too many commitments often cause burn out in both leaders and the congregation. Also the tendency to prioritize programs leads the church to neglect the need to invest in the development of their leaders. As Varies rightly puts it, “The effectiveness of an organization’s employees—particularly individuals in leadership positions determines how the organizational “machine” will perform” (pg.1). If the effectiveness of the church depends on the effectiveness of it leaders, the church ought to invest in their leaders’ development. Thus, Veries contends that emotional intelligence is what we need; to know people as individuals, in their social settings, and within the context of organization. Speaking from the clinical paradigm, de Veries highlights the importance of paying “attention to internal world of people” (pg. xx). Because leaders who have skills of empathy have the ability to manage emotions in others, they can influence co-workers via emotional means (pg.27). As humans we long for meaningful relationships and desire to be known. However, taking time to interact with people and listen to their stories is one of the challenges of our times. In fact having an accountability partner, someone who listens to their challenges and helps them process their thoughts is a challenge for many young ministers.
As I write, I am reminded to reflect on my own leadership style. I realize that although I feel I have been making an effort to be as effective as I could be, there is this feeling coming from my inner self, telling me to slow down and find rest in God. However, I struggle to find balance in my life. This term especially feels like I am in the middle of a race with weekly readings and posting on top of my ministry work there is almost not enough time to rest and play. However, to be effective as a leader, I need to develop active listening skills, which requires me to set time to read Scripture and pray. Besides, I also need to seek the assistance of others in my life to help me grow in my discipleship. I need to restart my weekly visit with my accountability partner to pray and listen to one another. After all as de Veries states “emotional intelligence is not something leaders can learn from “a self-help book” but it is an experiential process…” (pg.6). Therefore, trusting in God’s grace I plan to devote more time to actively listen to God and be intentional to develop my relationship with others in my circle.
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About the Author
Telile Fikru Badecha
11 responses to “active listening”
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This is quite a personal post, Telile. I appreciate your honesty with yourself and with us. I don’t really have a critical point, I just want you to know that I will be praying for you as you focus on restoring your accountability relationship, and renewing your time with our Lord. Peace to you, my friend.
Julie and Carol, Glad to be in the circle of gracious and loving friends like you. Carol, thank you for saying, “Rest that “you are enough.” Thank you for praying.
Telile…
You framed your post drawing from the recognition and need for the interpersonal dimension, drawing from and developing one’s emotional intelligence. Kets de Vries work is such a switch from many of the outcome based leadership we see in Christian circles. You asked, “What would the motivation be for giving precedence to programs over people?” I think that you have responded to your own question by recognizing your need for balance and trust, “trusting in God’s grace I plan to devote more time to actively listen to God and be intentional to develop my relationship with others in my circle.” With Julie thank you for your authenticity. I also join you in your prayer. Rest that “you are enough.”
Telile,
Lovely work here. I especially like the fact that you are willing to look honestly at yourself. That is what healthy people do. That is why you are the leader you are. Thanks for your willingness to be vulnerable in your post. I am convinced that I need the same things you do, especially in taking time to listen to God. When we are too busy — as all of us in this program are — the first thing that falls away is taking the time to listen to God, to others, and to ourselves. Thanks for there reminder.
I love when you say, “If the effectiveness of the church depends on the effectiveness of it leaders, the church ought to invest in their leaders’ development.” How true this is. But how rare it is too. A problem I have seen repeatedly is that most Christian leaders I have known do not want to be “developed” since they think they have “already arrived.” This is sad because it is self-deceptive. Another thing is that pastors’ conferences are often places where pastors’ egos become more inflated. So when they return to their churches, they just might be more demanding, more sure of themselves. There has to be a better way.
My solution would be that every couple of years, Christian leaders should have to take a three month sabbatical where they go to a place where nobody recognizes them and work at a fast-food restaurant. Perhaps they would come home more humble and more in touch with real people. I doubt if anyone will take my idea seriously, but I think it is a good idea. What do you think?
Bill! Brilliant! Let’s do it!
Bill, It is so true you say, “A problem I have seen repeatedly is that most Christian leaders I have known do not want to be “developed” since they think they have “already arrived.” You propose interesting idea for Christians leaders what do on the 3 months sabbatical—work at a fast-food restaurant! I love it. Thank for your constructive comments as always!
Telile, I love your transparency and honesty. This book caused quite a few of us to self-reflect and examine our own leadership and personal lives. I wonder how we, as LGP 4, can form a group of accountability and encourage each other? In the meantime, you are in my prayers, and I appreciate your friendship and faithfulness so very much.
Ashley, what a great idea as LGP 4, if we can form a group of accountability and encourage each other? Thank you!
Hello Telile
You make some really good points. It’s hard, isn’t it, to find suitable accountability partners, plus to find the time to rest and play when you’re in ministry. But as you say, prioritising our time with God is so important. It has to come first. I hope you manage to find some balance as you mentioned.
Liz, Yes, time with God has to come first. I trust in God to help me find some balance. Thank you.
Dear Telile, what a great post indeed! Thank you for sharing part of your journey. You show us what it means to lead by encouraging us to be self aware. I can also relate to how busy and hectic life can get.
Life’s programs seem to dominate time and the demands that need attentions sometimes seem endless. Even “church” starts to appear as an energy draining organisation and as you put it “… the tendency to prioritize programs leads the church to neglect the need to invest in the development of their leaders.” What a tragedy!
Yet while organisations might miss the significance of investing in leaders, you’ve reminded us to be intentional in seeking to be centered in God through trust and faith.
Thank you!