Leading with the Aroma of Christ
SUMMARY
Edwin Friedman writes A Failure of Nerve after 40 years of experience as a family therapist and leadership consultant. His views on leadership are shaped by an evolutionistic perspective as well as by his experience working with a diversity of people from all cultural backgrounds and positions, including families, businesses, or non-profit organizations. He died unexpectedly before publishing the book, making this volume a valuable set of insights in the study of leadership dynamics.
Friedman argues that there are two types of leaders across all families and organizations: the one who is reactive and the one who is a well-differentiated leader. The kind of influence of the reactive leader is not positive. This leader contributes to an atmosphere characterized by anxiety, fear, indecision and frustration, which is the result of being entangled in triangles of dysfunctional emotional processes. Whether controlling, insecure, or passive, the reactive leader is not effective.
In contrast, the kind of influence of the well-differentiated leader is positive. The very presence of this leader inspires trust, acting as the immune system for the organization. In contrast to the reactive leader, the well-differentiated leader has a clear sense of self and is driven by a clear pursuit of a vision. This leader understands that opposition is an intrinsic part of leading. Therefore, this leader is not a people pleaser; rather this person leads with an unwavering commitment to the vision and expects to be criticized or even abandoned by followers along the journey. Consequently, Friedman warns those who desire to lead well that, “Leadership through self-differentiation is not easy; learning techniques and imbibing data are far easier. Nor is striving or achieving success as a leader without pain: there is the pain of isolation, the pain of loneliness, the pain of personal attacks, the pain of losing friends. That’s what leadership is all about.” (233)
REFLECTION
Friedman offers rich insights, and in many ways he echoes some of the concepts described by Jim Collins in the Level-Five Leader. Yet, each author has his own nuances that bring new flavors in the study of leadership.
Friedman reminds me that leadership is about being rather than doing. He invites me to look inside before I look at my surroundings. Who am I? What is my source of identity? In leadership there is a common tendency to derive a sense of self-worth from our accomplishments, and pastoral leadership is not the exception. We can easily let our degrees, the size of our church, or the number of books sold shape the way we see ourselves. Yet, I am reminded that if I am to lead effectively, I must start by deriving my sense of self from God. Like the Apostle Paul realized in his own experience—unless I do not consider earthly achievements as trash in comparison with knowing Christ—I may still fall into the trap of defining my identity from the wrong sources.
Friedman also reminds me that working with people across cultural lines becomes simplified when I start looking beyond the colors of skin, language accents, or food flavors. He tells me that even though the differences are many, the deeper emotional processes that we experience are the same. Thus, as a leader in a multiethnic church, I must keep in mind that the eternal truths of God’s Word can speak to any heart. At the end of the day, connecting with the real person hiding behind the surface will ensure that I am a caring shepherd regardless of the flock in which the sheep was born.
Friedman also gives me a sobering reminder that sabotage is part of any leadership experience. Any person in pastoral leadership can testify to the emotional struggles of leading the sheep, yet Friedman reminds me that these struggles are not unique to pastoral leadership. Rather, leading well in any context will inevitably bring drama. Being misunderstood, betrayed, criticized, or judged are things to be expected. Being aware of this factor gives me a better perspective as I look at past unpleasant experiences, but it also prepares me as I continue to move forward. It helps me to remember that at the end of the day I am accountable to God, and that I will have to give Him an account for my service. So, instead of being a people pleaser, I must be a God pleaser. Only then will I have a compass that will always point in the right direction, even if it indicates drama ahead.
Overall, Friedman has challenged me to be a well-differentiated leader rather than a reactive one. He has given me new categories to think about, and I appreciate the wisdom found in these pages. I pray that God will use my presence as a well-differentiated leader to bring the aroma of Christ to my home and to my church for the years to come.
About the Author
Pablo Morales
Pablo Morales serves as the Lead Pastor of Ethnos Bible Church in Texas. He is currently pursuing the Doctor of Ministry degree in Leadership and Global Perspectives at Portland Seminary in order to understand what it takes to develop a healthy multiethnic church.9 responses to “Leading with the Aroma of Christ”
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So good Pablo, thanks. Way to bring in Collins!!!
You write, “Friedman reminds me that leadership is about being rather than doing.” I agree 100% with this. How do you measure or judge your “being?” Sometimes we default to simply measuring our “doing” because it is so much easier to measure. What do you think?
Aaron, that’s a good question! It is easier to measure quantifiable results because they tend to be objective parameters. However, when we get into character and emotional health, it is no longer quantifiable. How do you measure love, humility, or patience? You just gave me food for thought. Based on your experience, do you have any suggestions?
Pablo
Hey Pablo, I asked because I don’t have any. Ha Ha. I jus know it’s something that needs to be dealt with. The first thing that comes to mind is the story of The Good Samaritan. It seems like Jesus is quantifying love a bit.
Pablo,
Great blog! I liked your connection to Friedman’s work and Collins’ writing. Is there anything major that you objected to or strongly disagreed with?
Aaron
Aaron, in this particular book, I noticed how the worldview of the author was highly influence by evolution. He obviously does not have a Christian worldview, so his explanation of certain issues about identity or leadership are limited by their lack of eternal perspective. He also shared about some counseling sessions in which I did not agree with his advice. Overall, however, I did find some helpful insights, so I tried to focus more on those as I reflected on the implications in my ministry. Do you have any particular areas in which you disagreed with the author?
Pablo
Pablo,
You are such a thoughtful writer. Great blog. I think you are right about a leader needing to know their source.
Do you think as ministers we should change terms in order to remember our identity? For example, should we say shepherd/steward instead of leader, church instead of organization? Etc.
The reason I ask is because I believe language shapes us. When we use secular terminology, I feel it could condition us to forget whose church it is and what role we play.
Jason
Jason, thank you for your comments. I do believe that language can shape us. What we call ourselves or what people call us has the potential to shape the way we frame our ministry and the nature of the church. It seems to me that this issue is particularly a struggle when interacting with unbelievers. On the one hand, we have the theological parameters that seem very clear. We are shepherds of the flock. Yet, when interacting with unbelievers who have a misconception about Christianity or a bad impression about Pastors, I find myself struggling when I have to tell them that I am a Pastor. Is the language really communicating to them what we do or who we are? Have you ever felt that way?
Pablo
Pablo:
Great post. Friedman’s book is great insight into the life of bring a true leader. We have a choice at being reactive or self-differentiated. As a pastor what is most effective in handling “sabotage”?
What do you feel are key principles of “being” or “doing”? In light of some of the challenges that you shared in ministry, how did this book speak to you?
Phil
Pablo,
I am very curious about this self-differentiation cross culturally – particularly in collectivist cultures, where the presenting culture is more about “we” than “I.”
I know you have Chinese people connecting to your church. Have you learned anything that would give insight as to how collectivist-culture people would process self-differentiation?
You can just say “no” if that is the appropriate answer.
And, like you, I deeply desire to move toward being a God-pleaser and not a people-pleaser.