“Dead man Walking! – Part 2: Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of the Leader’s Inner Life.
Friedman and Walker have not only shaped my leadership thinking but have also touched some of the hidden parts of my inner life. Their insights have revealed where anxiety, defence, and ego still linger beneath the surface of my calling. Friedman revealed how my instinct to fix others’ discomfort often masks my own reactivity. Walker, meanwhile, exposed how easy it can be to slip into performing leadership rather than embodying it, managing the front stage while neglecting the backstage (Walker 2010, 45). These recognitions are liberating in the discipleship settings I hold; they are thresholds of the soul, moments of deep unlearning.
One such moment emerged during a recent leadership challenge in our church. Facing criticism about the pace of growth and expansion, my first impulse was to justify and persuade. Friedman would refer to this as being “caught in the emotional triangle” (2007, p. 217). Instead, differentiation meant resisting the urge to fix others’ anxiety and remaining clear on purpose while staying relationally connected. Walker’s undefended model gave language to the grace required in that moment, and I could receive critique without absorbing it into my identity. The experience became a crucible where courage and surrender met.
Looking back, I realise how differently I would now respond. Self-differentiation and undefended leadership together form a twofold discipline: standing firm without closing off and staying open without losing clarity. Friedman would guide me to maintain focus and calm amid anxious projections, while Walker would call me to rest my identity in abiding in Jesus, not in performance. These frameworks, applied together, invite leaders to act from centred conviction rather than reactive emotion.
Specific insights from both writers have functioned as irreversible crossings, thresholds that permanently altered my self-understanding. One is that anxiety is not an indicator of failure but an invitation to growth. Another is that undefendedness is the most authentic expression of faith, where trust replaces control. These are not merely cognitive shifts; they are spiritual transformations in how I perceive myself and others.
My leadership identity has evolved across three dimensions. Intellectually, theology and psychology now stand in harmony, not tension. Emotionally, I recognise that my reactions are signals, not verdicts. Spiritually, I have learned that peace is not the absence of anxiety but Christ’s presence within it. As Kegan describes, this transition involves moving from a “socialised mind” to a “self-authoring mind,” where identity becomes internally grounded (Kegan 1994, 313).
New thresholds are still forming. I sense a call toward relinquishment, leading less from control and more from abiding. In ministry contexts where visibility is constant and outcomes are measurable, the temptation to defend remains strong. However, Walker reminds me that the undefended leader is “free to serve because they have nothing to prove” (Walker 2010, 27). That freedom is the next frontier of my growth.
Recently, during a Zoom call with my life coach, I spent 45 minutes venting about a particular area of my life—people’s expectations, the pressure of leadership, and everything in between. When I finally paused, he simply asked, “So what’s your problem?” I was stunned. “Haven’t you been listening?” I replied. “I have,” he said, “but what’s your problem? Glyn, remember this: you’re a dead man walking. The moment you were saved, you died to self and came alive in Christ. You’re a dead man walking.” That one phrase hit me like a revelation, a threshold concept that brought Friedman, Walker, and Sayers into sharp focus. In a single moment, the ideas of self-differentiation and ego became clear, grounded, and unmistakably real.
Integrating these dimensions, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual, has reshaped my vocation. Leadership is now less about managing outcomes and more about stewarding presence. It is a participation in Christ’s kenotic pattern of humility and power: “who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped” (Philippians 2:6). The undefended and differentiated leader mirrors this self-emptying love, embodying courage without defence and conviction without coercion.
In this season, I have come to realise that the essence of leadership is not found in mastery, but in maturity. These integrated insights form a theology of presence that calls leaders to live from wholeness rather than from image. To lead faithfully, I must remain rooted in identity, resilient in grace, and undefended in love, a presence through whom others can glimpse the peace of God in anxious times.
References
Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. New York: Seabury, 2007.
Greenleaf, Robert K. Servant Leadership: A Journey into the Nature of Legitimate Power and Greatness. New York: Paulist Press, 2002.
Heifetz, Ronald A., and Marty Linsky. Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading. Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2002.
Kegan, Robert. In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1994.
Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery. New York: Doubleday, 1979.
———. “Silence and Solitude.” Henri Nouwen Society. Accessed November 11, 2025. https://henrinouwen.org/meditations/silence-and-solitude/.
Palmer, Parker J. The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher’s Life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1998.
Walker, Simon P. The Undefended Leader Trilogy. Carlisle, UK: Piquant Editions, 2007–2010.
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