(Mostly) Non-Anxious & Undefended in Africa
Revisiting Edwin Friedman and Simon Walker this semester has clarified how deeply leadership begins in the inner life of the leader.[1] Friedman’s emphasis on self-differentiation and non-anxious presence stands out to me now more than ever. These qualities are rare, even among seasoned leaders, yet they are essential in environments shaped by reactivity, urgency, and emotional fusion.[2] His work reinforces that leadership competence is not primarily measured by strategy or technique but by the leader’s capacity to remain grounded and connected amid anxiety.[3]
Walker’s framework adds another dimension. His invitation to lead “undefended” is profoundly countercultural—both in the achievement-driven West and in the reactive, reputation-centered society I see in Mauritania.[4] Undefended leadership calls for authenticity rather than posturing, for identity rooted in something deeper than public perception. Although I have grown significantly, I still find myself pulled back into defensiveness when pressures mount. Walker helps me interpret these moments not as failures, but as invitations to deeper freedom.[5]
Friedman and Walker intersect strongly in their understanding of leadership identity. Both emphasize that leaders must resist the herd mentality, refuse to be swept into emotional reactivity, and lead from internal clarity rather than external pressure. Friedman describes differentiation as remaining connected without being controlled by others’ anxiety.[6] Walker describes undefended leadership as living from one’s God-given identity rather than ego, image, or self-protection.[7] Together, they paint a compelling picture of vulnerable, authentic, stable, and courageous leadership in anxious systems.
These insights echoed repeatedly through my other readings. Schein and Schein’s Humble Leadership reinforce Walker’s emphasis on relational openness—leaders who remain curious, present, and connected rather than controlling or transactional.[8] Trauma scholars Rowe and Rowe further deepen this understanding by reminding leaders that they cannot be undefended if they refuse to acknowledge grief, suffering, and emotional injury.[9] Their work paralleled my own reflections on lament: leaders who suppress pain eventually lead from anxiety, but leaders who bring their wounds honestly before God and community can lead from grounded presence.
My readings for my NPO on poverty alleviation added another layer. Corbett and Fikkert in When Helping Hurts warn that service becomes harmful when leaders assume the role of savior rather than collaborator.[10] This insight mirrors Walker’s caution that leaders can drift into ego-driven helping, exhausting themselves through service rather than receiving from God and others.[11]Holland’s exploration of the Christian moral imagination in Dominion reinforced this by demonstrating how Christian leadership historically redefined power through humility, sacrifice, and service rather than dominance.[12] Wright and Bird extend this further by showing how Jesus confronted distorted power structures not through anxious reaction but through calm, cruciform presence.[13]Read together with Friedman, Walker, and Greenleaf’s servant leadership model,¹³ these texts collectively push me toward a vision of leadership grounded not in effectiveness alone but in moral authority, identity, and present service.
Several threshold concepts have permanently reshaped how I understand leadership. Friedman’s assertion that differentiated leaders must learn to be alone—sometimes misunderstood, sometimes resisted—has given me the courage to remain steady in the face of criticism or emotional turmoil.¹⁴ Walker’s reminder that leaders do not need to defend themselves has become an anchor for me in difficult conversations and cross-cultural tensions.[14] These concepts have fundamentally changed how I respond to conflict, criticism, or pressure.
Across theology, psychology, systems theory, and leadership studies, I see remarkable consilience. Each discipline, in different language, insists that leadership requires humility, relational presence, emotional honesty, community, and grounded identity. Scripture calls us to consider others above ourselves;[15] psychology warns against isolation;[16] and trauma studies highlight the healing power of connection.[17] Together, these perspectives offer a unified vision: leadership is not an individual performance but a relational and spiritual vocation.
Through the DLGP program, I have begun to apply some of these lessons to my leadership. This past weekend, I co-facilitated a spontaneous collaboration group on “Keeping Hearts Healthy on the Field.” My co-leader brought anxious energy into the room. Rather than fall back into old habits and let him continue down this path, I gently and confidently redirected the group without defensiveness or reactivity. In that moment, I realized that I was leading as a differentiated, undefended, non-anxious presence. The fruit of this journey—clarity, humility, confidence, and deep dependence on God—became unmistakably real. And I enjoyed helping others find how to be non-anxious, undefended leaders.
[1] Portions of this essay were developed with assistance from OpenAI’s ChatGPT (GPT-5.1), based on the author’s own notes, reflections, and course readings.
[2] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 10th Anniversary Revised Kindle ed, ed. Margaret M. Treadwell and Edward W. Beal (Church Publishing, 2017), 21.
[3] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 82.
[4] Simon P Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership, The Undefended Leader Trilogy, Book 1 (Piquant Editions Ltd, 208 AD), Part III: The Freedom to Give.
[5] Ibid.
[6] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 479.
[7] Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, Part I: Strategies of Defense.
[8] Edgar H. Schein and Peter A. Schein, Humble Leadership: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust, 2nd ed. (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2023), 8.
[9] Nicholas Rowe and Sheila Wise Rowe, Healing Leadership Trauma: Finding Emotional Health and Helping Others Flourish (InterVarsity Press, 2024), 111-112.
[10] Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert, When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor… and Yourself (Moody Publishers, 2012), 54-55.
[11] Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, 163.
[12] Tom Holland, Dominion: How the Christian Revolution Remade the World, Kindle ed (Basic Books, 2019), 106.
[13] N. T. Wright and Michael F. Bird, Jesus and the Powers: Christian Political Witness in an Age of Totalitarian Terror and Dysfunctional Democracies, Kindle ed. (Zondervan Reflective, 2024), 58.
[14] Simon P. Walker, Leading with Nothing to Lose: Training in the Exercise of Power, Kindle ed. (Piquant Editions Ltd, 2007), Ch 15.
[15] Philippians 2:3–4.
[16] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead(Moody Publishers, 2016), 33.
[17] Rowe and Wise Rowe, Healing Leadership Trauma, 13.
About the Author
Kari
Kari is a passionate follower of Jesus. Her journey with Him currently has her living in the Sahara in North Africa. With over a decade of experience as a family nurse practitioner and living cross-culturally, she enjoys being a champion for others. She combines her cross-cultural experience, her health care profession, and her skills in coaching to encourage holistic health and growth. She desires to see each person she encounters walk in fullness of joy, fulfilling their God-designed purpose. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12 ESV3 responses to “(Mostly) Non-Anxious & Undefended in Africa”
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Hi Dr. Kari,
I love, love, love this statement,
‘In that moment, I realized that I was leading as a differentiated, undefended, non-anxious presence. The fruit of this journey—clarity, humility, confidence, and deep dependence on God—became unmistakably real. And I enjoyed helping others find how to be non-anxious, undefended leaders.’
How do you discern when to redirect anxious energy versus when to let it play out in a group?
Kari, I always enjoy reading your posts because they are reflective and practical, and they align well with your personal courage and joy. I think being differentiated and undefended is more of a journey than a destination. How do you sustain the ability to lead from the “differentiated, undefended, non-anxious presence” that you experienced most recently?
Hey Kari! your post definetly has a syntopical flavor and I truly admire the work that you and Elysse do. In a culture that is counter to your beliefs, how have you remained a non anxious presence?