Called, Not Conformed [Dipanggil, Bukan Dikonformasi]
Introduction
I enjoyed reading the book, Growing Women in Ministry: Seven Aspects of Leadership Development by Anna Morgan. [1] Morgan delivers a holistic, research-based framework for developing women in ministry leadership, grounded in both personal experience and scholarly discovery. The book equips readers with practical tools, policy suggestions, and an understanding of how women grow into leadership across their lifetimes.
My story
Many of you know I often speak about my grandmother. Married at 16 and widowed by 26, she raised 6 daughters, including my mother, on her own, never remarrying. Supported by widow’s welfare from the British government, she ensured all her girls attended English school in Malaysia and pursued financial independence. Fiercely intelligent and unapologetically bold, she was the family’s trusted advisor and a proud voter.
My grandmother instilled in me a deep sense of confidence. I come from a lineage of strong women who believe permission is not a prerequisite for purpose. Because of her, I have never felt left behind or limited. She taught me to speak up, stand firm, and stand with the voiceless. She had no tolerance for bullies.
Key emotional intelligence (EI). Morgan explains the 6 components of EI:
- Developing self-awareness
I relate to the author, “Other women spoke of learning to emotionally self-regulate by bringing their feelings to Jesus in prayer and releasing their tears there, privately. This might involve asking for a break during a difficult conversation to step away for a few minutes of prayer and release. As I exercise similar steps, I too been growing in self-awareness discovering the unique gifts I am designed to do for the Kingdom of God.” [2]
- Processing criticism
Over the years, as a woman pastor, I have learned to manage criticism, cultivate emotional intelligence, clarify the source and intent of feedback, and respond with discernment, not defensiveness. By bringing criticisms to God, helped me view criticisms as a tool for refinement, not a threat to my calling. There is peace in allowing the Holy Spirit to expose my weaknesses so that I can grow embracing a growth mindset.
- Learning self-regulation
Esther is a powerful biblical example of self-regulation, demonstrating emotional restraint, strategic timing, and spiritual discernment under extreme pressure. When faced with genocide against her people, Esther does not react impulsively. She fasts and prays for three days before approaching the king (Esther 4:16), showing spiritual grounding before action. [3] Hannah (1 Samuel 1–2), in her grief over infertility, she prays silently and pours out her soul to God rather than lashing out. Her restraint and faith lead to transformation.[4]
- Developing inner motivation
My personal motivation sounds like this: I lead because I am called to cultivate connection, courage, and clarity across generations. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7.[5] I feel most called when I witness people awakening to their gifts and stepping into deeper purpose. I want others to experience leadership as a sacred trust rooted in grace, not ego. I resist leadership that silences, shames, or commodifies the soul. I hope my leadership plants seeds of healing, wisdom, and holy disruption.
- Embracing authenticity
Morgan explains that authenticity is developed over time. I agree that I have felt the pressure to behalf according to the environmental norms.[6] Over time, the Holy Spirit has gently guided me toward accepting who I am. But let me be real—Luke 6:29 has tested me: “If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also.” Honestly? My first instinct is not to turn the other cheek but to reach out and return the favor. Nothing in me says, “Bless you, go in peace.” So, I ask: am I a disobedient Christian pastor… or just the kind of pastor you should not mess with? In 2008, after praying about this verse, I arrived at work to find an envelope on my keyboard. Inside was a note that read, “Thank you for your positive attitude,” along with a $100 bill from my CEO. Surprise of course! That moment felt like divine humor and affirmation. It was the day I gave myself permission to be fully me—flawed, faithful, and fiercely authentic, not rude.
- Developing empathy
I fully recognize that empathy is an important component of leadership. Empathy is the ability to connect with what someone else is feeling and thinking. It is different from compassion which sits at a distance. Empathy comes in close. Developing empathy is a key leadership development.[7] I carry deep compassion, but empathy does not always come naturally. I am still learning how to stay present with others’ pain without rushing to fix or protect. I do not always know how, but I trust God is teaching me. So, I lead with the compassion I have and wait with grace for empathy to grow.
Conclusion
Anna Morgan’s framework in Growing Women in Ministry affirms what I have lived and continue to learn: leadership is not a fixed trait, but a lifelong journey shaped by emotional intelligence, spiritual grounding, and personal history. From my grandmother’s bold legacy to my own evolving practice of self-awareness, authenticity, and empathy, I see leadership as a sacred calling—one that requires courage, humility, and grace. I lead not because I have all the answers, but because I trust the Holy Spirit is forming me through every challenge, every critique, and every moment of growth.
[1] Anna R. Morgan, Growing Women in Ministry: Seven Aspects of Leadership Development (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2024), 7.
[2] Morgan, 72.
[3] Bible, Esther 4:15.
[4] Bible, 1 Samuel 1-2.
[5] Bible, 2 Timothy 1:7.
[6] Morgan, 78.
[7] Morgan, 79.
About the Author
Shela Sullivan
Born and raised on the vibrant Penang Island in Malaysia, I cherish the Malaysian greeting, “Mari Makan!!” which reflects the warmth of shared meals. Since 1996, I have called Oregon my home enjoying the raindrops and the serenity of its beaches. The ocean connects me to nature and energizes me. I am a Wife - Mentor - Traveling Pastor - Sourcing Manager Construction. Favorite Bible Verse: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4~ I reside with my husband, David and our fur-baby Rolo. We share passions for travelling, culture, diverse cuisines, home improvements, classic cars and laughter.3 responses to “Called, Not Conformed [Dipanggil, Bukan Dikonformasi]”
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Thank you Shela. How do you think the church can more intentionally cultivate emotionally intelligent spirituality in future women leaders, so that calling, courage, and authenticity grow together rather than in tension?
Thanks for this reflection on your own journey, Shela. Morgan invites groups to think about women-only environments for mentorship and development, alongside shared male-female environments. As a mentor, how do you take these dynamics into account for leaders in the pipeline?
Thank you, Shela. Praying for you as you travel back to your homeland this week. May the Lord grant his peace. I have no doubt that you will live out, among your family, what you have shared in this blog.
You wrote this, “I carry deep compassion, but empathy does not always come naturally. I am still learning how to stay present with others’ pain without rushing to fix or protect. I do not always know how, but I trust God is teaching me. So, I lead with the compassion I have and wait with grace for empathy to grow.”
No question for you this week, even though I could pose some. Just a recognition of God’s grace in your life. Blessings.