Not a Role but a Relationship
This summer, my youngest son and I decided to take on a challenge together: a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. We set aside time across several evenings, pressing “play” and letting ourselves be swept back into Tolkien’s world of hobbits, wizards, and wandering kings. By the time we reached the climactic scenes in The Return of the King, I was struck once again by the character of Aragorn. Though he is the rightful heir to Gondor’s throne, what makes him such a compelling leader is not his title or birthright. His authority emerges from the relationships he nurtures—the trust of hobbits, the respect of elves, the loyalty of men. In Aragorn, leadership is not defined by role, but by relationship.
That same theme runs through Edgar and Peter Schein’s book, Humble Leadership: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust.[1] They argue that in today’s world, where complexity outpaces control, leadership cannot be reduced to a title, a job description, or a position of power. Instead, leadership is always and only about the quality of relationships we build.
A Perspective Shift
This book introduces an approach to leadership based more on personal relationships than transactional roles.[2] This approach contradicts many assumptions about leadership. Many often think in terms of positions, structures, or formal authority. But the Scheins insist that leadership emerges not from a corner office or a title on a nameplate, but from trust, openness, and collaboration. True leadership begins when we stop hiding behind roles and start engaging people as people.
The Scheins capture this shift in a single sentence: “We see leadership as a complex mosaic of relationships, not as a two-dimensional, top-down status in a hierarchy, nor as a set of unusual gifts or talents of ‘high-potential’ individuals.”[3] In other words, leadership is not found in titles, résumés, or skill inventories. Leadership emerges in the quality of the relationships we cultivate.
This perspective challenges the old heroic model of leadership. For much of the modern era, we celebrated leaders as larger-than-life individuals—commanders at the top of a hierarchy, visionaries who seemed to operate above everyone else. But the Scheins argue that leadership is not about occupying a role at the top, but about the relational web that allows people to move forward together. “Leadership is the creation and implementation of something new and better.”[4] That “something new and better” doesn’t come from one person’s genius; it grows out of trust, openness, and collaboration.
This is why the Scheins insist that “leadership is always a relationship, not a role.” Titles may grant authority, but they cannot create trust. Only relationships can do that. In our increasingly complex and interconnected world, it is precisely those trust-based relationships that create the conditions for innovation and change.
We see a similar truth in Scripture. When the resurrected Jesus restores Peter in John 21, he does not sit him down and hand him a formal role description. He doesn’t say, “Peter, here’s your title and here are your duties.” Instead, he asks a relational question: “Do you love me?” Three times, Jesus ties Peter’s future leadership to the quality of their relationship. Out of that restored trust flows a commission: “Feed my sheep.” Jesus makes it clear—leadership in his kingdom is not built on status or role but on relationship, love, and trust.
A Different Kind of Humble
If leadership is fundamentally about relationships, then the question becomes: how do we cultivate those relationships in ways that actually enable growth and collaboration? The Scheins provide a compelling answer through the concepts of situational humility and Level 2 relationships. They write, “Situational humility and the formation of Level 2 relationships—relationships that acknowledge the whole person—is the essence of Humble Leadership.”[5]
What makes this idea so striking is how it reframes humility as a skill to be practiced intentionally, rather than just a personal virtue. “Situational humility is a developed skill characterized by the openness to see and understand all the elements of a situation by… accepting uncertainty, being open to what others may know, and recognizing when biases can distort perceptions.”[6] Leaders create environments where people feel safe to be open, which allows teams to innovate and achieve “something new and better.”[7]
Level 2 relationships deepen this approach: “The essence of Level 2 is that the people involved… move from being seen as entities performing roles… to being seen as whole people with whom we can develop personal relationships around shared goals and experiences.”[8] Complex tasks require this depth of trust and openness.[9]
The Bible illustrates this relational humility perfectly. When Jesus restores Peter in John 21, he meets him personally, not transactionally, asking, “Do you love me?” before commissioning him to lead. For me, this is a key new understanding of humility—it is a skill to practice, directly shaping leadership and trust.
Critical Question
If leadership is not about titles, roles, or authority, but about trust, openness, and relationships, then we are left with a challenging question:
Am I leading from position, or from relationships that see people as whole and valued?
Where might I be relying on transactional, Level 1 interactions because they feel safer or more efficient? How can I practice situational humility this week—by listening more, inviting input, and creating space for others to speak openly? Leadership, the Scheins remind us, is an active choice to invest in relationships that enable something new and better.
Conclusion
Returning to our Lord of the Rings marathon, Aragorn’s leadership was never about the crown—it was about the fellowship he nurtured along the journey. Similarly, Edgar and Peter Schein invite leaders to move beyond titles and roles, cultivating situational humility and Level 2 relationships that honor people as whole individuals.
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[1] Edgar H. Scheinand Peter A. Schein, Humble Leadership, Second Edition: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust. (N.p.: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2023).
[2] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 1.
[3] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, x-xi.
[4] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 4.
[5] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership,1-2.
[6] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 8.
[7] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 12.
[8] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 22.
[9] Schein and Schein, Humble Leadership, 30.
About the Author
Chad Warren
A husband, father, pastor, teacher, and student seeking to help others flourish.10 responses to “Not a Role but a Relationship”
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Chad,
You accomplished something that I wanted to do myself but never really made time. I guess I could have watched LOR and The Hobbit movies in small chunks like you did.
I am not a pastor and never had Greek. But I was once told that when Jesus restored Peter, Jesus asked Do you Agape me and Peter responded using the word Phila and not Agape. As I consider that scene I wonder what if we had multiple words for trust signifying different degrees or levels or trust. I can picture a CEO asking an employee if they trust him using the word for the highest level of trust and the employee responding with a word for a lower level of trust. How do you think that would impact the relationship between the leader (CEO) and the follower (employee)?
Jeff,
Thanks for this thoughtful question. You’re right about the scene in John 21—Jesus asks Peter if he loves (agapē) Him, and Peter responds with more general word for love (phileō). What I find powerful is that Jesus meets Peter at his level, and from there Peter grows into the more profound commitment Jesus calls him to.
I think the same applies to leadership. If a CEO asks for the highest level of trust and an employee can only offer a lesser degree, the relationship could break down if the leader demands more than the person can give. But if the leader acknowledges where the follower truly is and walks with them, I think that trust has room to deepen over time.
Hey Chad,
That scene in Lord of the Rings when Aragorn tells the hobbits, “You bow to no one” gets me every time.
When it comes to Level 2 relationships, I know we all recognize how important openness, trust, and genuine connection are—but I also realize that can feel tricky in pastoral roles. I appreciated how the authors raised the question: “Does personizing mean that we must ‘let our hair down,’ get really close with each other, get all ‘touchy-feely’ and ‘kumbaya,’ and become intimate friends with each other rather than just colleagues?’ and then clarified, ‘No, it does not.’ That distinction really resonated with me.
I’d love to hear—what has building relationships looked like for you in your pastoral role, especially with so much division and tension in communities right now?
Elysse,
Thank you for your question; it is definitely an important topic. In my pastoral role, building relationships has meant being intentionally present, listening deeply, and showing genuine care without always needing to be someone’s closest friend. The distinction you mentioned is key: personizing isn’t about blurring boundaries, but about honoring people as whole persons and walking with them in trust and respect. Especially in a divided time, I’ve found that small gestures of consistency and kindness often do more to build connection than big displays of intimacy.
Hi Chad, thinking back to one of our earlier semesters, you had just been called to a new church and knew you needed to do a lot of repair work due to the lack of leadership from the previous pastor. As you navigated that situation, you might still be feeling the repercussions of the last person. Can you see evidence that the kind of humble leadership described by the Scheins really works/
Diane,
Thank you for this thoughtful question—I’m blessed that you remembered my situation from two years ago. Yes, I’ve found that humble leadership really does work. Listening well, staying curious, and prioritizing relationships within ministry leadership have been essential practices for me. They affirm the Scheins’ vision of humble leadership while also aligning with Friedman’s call for well-differentiated leadership—holding steady in my values while creating space for trust and collaboration to grow.
Hi Chad – thanks for your post. I appreciate the emphasis on relationship over role. How have you come to understand the importance of this as a pastor? I imagine many view you in your role as lead pastor – how do you mitigate the role and make space for relationships?
Christy,
Thanks for this great question. You’re right—many people see me first in the role of lead pastor. What I’ve learned is that if I only lead from the role, the relationship often stays shallow. By taking time to listen, share life, and show genuine care beyond the “pastor hat,” I’ve seen trust deepen and ministry become more fruitful. Holding the role with integrity while still prioritizing the relationship has been key—it’s less about choosing one over the other and more about letting the relationship give life to the role.
Hi Chad,
How can a person cultivate genuine humility in relationship vs concious cultivation of relationship to subtly manipulate? This just flew in my mind from left field along with a face of someone I know. I can’t decide if he is actually a humble leader, or someone who is efforting to appear as he ‘should’.
Julie,
Thanks for such a perceptive question. I think the difference often comes down to motive and posture. Genuine humility isn’t about trying to appear a certain way—it flows from seeing others as people to be valued, not as means to an end. When relationship-building is driven by manipulation, it often carries an agenda and ultimately feels insincere. In my experience, humility reveals itself over time through consistency, active listening, and a willingness to prioritize the other’s good over one’s own image or gain.