Seeing Through Others Eyes
The French poet Marcel Proust is credited with the paraphrased quote “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” This loose paraphrase is from The Prisoner, published in 1923, and is taken from volume five of his seven-volume work, Remembrance of Things Past. The original statement is even more impactful than the paraphrase. “The only true voyage of discovery…would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundreds of universes that each of them beholds.”[1]
This doctoral journey feels much like the ‘voyage of discovery’ that Proust refers to, where one visits unfamiliar concepts and is allowed to view them through the eyes of others. In doing so, learning how that person’s eyes perceive the universe. Your Brain at Work, authored by Dr. David Rock, is one such opportunity. Through his eyes comes a new perspective on how our Prefrontal Cortex consumes limited resources of glucose, practical steps for getting ‘unstuck’ from an impasse, and our declining ability to suppress thought patterns become clear and concise. The practical steps for improvement, accompanied by his technical information around improvements in thinking and emotional engagements, rival those of Eve Poole’s Leadersmithing.[2] Yet it is two specific concepts that beckon a focused look. First is Rock’s research on ‘Away /Toward’ in connection with who Christ is calling us to be. The second is SCARF and how church congregants engage with change and its impact on my NPO.
Away / Toward
Rock builds on previous work around the Limbic System and humanity’s general desire to be happy and stay alive. Quoting Dr. Evian Gordon, he explains that we subconsciously strive to “minimize danger and maximize reward” by avoiding anxiety, sadness, and fear, and that we naturally seek to move towards happiness and contentment.[3] While the subconscious desire exists, the reality that much of humanity nonetheless struggles with anxiety is equally observable.[4] Christ was aware of the toxic effects of anxiety and our inability to avoid it. He gives emphatic instructions throughout the New Testament for how we should interact with it. “Do not be anxious about anything…”[5] “Cast all your anxiety on Him…”[6] Christ cares for you more than the birds of the air, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow…”[7]
So why did God, in his infinite wisdom, give us an unavoidable “away” relationship with anxiety? He knew it would be toxic for us and instilled in us an innate desire to avoid it, but also provided instructions on how to handle it. He knew we would inevitably become entangled with it. Personally, I think he allows us anxiety, and an unavoidable draw in that direction, so we can appreciate the ‘Towards’, specifically in the direction of the Fruits of the Spirit – Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control.[8] Without the ugly toxicity of anxiety, there would be no beauty in the ‘Towards’. There would be no benefit in its existence and nothing special about its presence. Yet I struggle with the reality that Rock points out regarding humanity’s predisposition to gravitate towards the things represented in ‘Away’ and our struggle to move in the direction of the ‘Towards’.[9] As followers of Christ, we are called to be different. We are called in Christ to have a predisposition in the direction of the Fruit of the Spirit.
SCARF
When considering Rock’s work and my NPO, it’s clear that the local church has a facility that wider sections of the community could utilize; it’s easy to see how the congregation can effortlessly slip into a posture of fear. They perceive a plethora of threats that encompass the full breadth of Rock’s SCARF acronym (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness).[10] Specifically, a congregation anchors around the concept of Certainty, wanting a guarantee that everything will work out fairly. In doing so, forgetting that Christ does not give such a guarantee, and neither can I.[11]
I am thankful for Marcel Proust’s insight into a true voyage. Unless we can see outside of our current vision, it is difficult, if not impossible, to have true understanding. Seeing a glimpse of how our brains work and how we engage with threats and rewards through Rock’s eyes is valuable, and examining his work through the eyes of Christ only enhances the discovery.
[1] Originally translated to English by C.K. Moncrief.
[2] Eve Poole, Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership (Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017), 74–75.
[3] David Rock, Your Brain at Work, Revised and Updated: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long, Updated edition (New York, NY: Harper Business, 2020). 105.
[4] Edwin H. Friedman and Peter Steinke, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition) (La Vergne, UNITED STATES: Church Publishing, Incorporated, 2017).
[5] Philippians 4:6 ESV
[6] 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
[7] Matthew 6:34 ESV
[8] Galatians 5:22-23
[9] Rock, Your Brain at Work, Revised and Updated. 107, 117.
[10] Rock.198
[11] John 16:33 ESV
About the Author
Darren Banek
12 responses to “Seeing Through Others Eyes”
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Darren –
Your Proust quote really adds another layer of contrast and color to the discussions we’re having in this program–thank you!
I was struck by the articulation of our desire to “be happy and alive,” and how in the space of leadership we are often required to move toward the opposite. Not to be unhappy and dead, but to choose what is better for others over our own benefit (and over our own temprary happiness), and to sacrifice for the sake of others… and, in transformational leadership, to invite people to move away from comfort and safety.
How are you helping make it “safe” to move beyond comfort and safety in your context?
Jeremiah, thanks for the thought-provoking question. I answered it in the thread on your post for this week.
Darren, your reference to certainty caught my attention, more so than my read of the book. For some reason, I am correlating certainty with my desire to have control. I am away from my book but want to go back and read the section again. It might be my own delusion that control brings certainty.
For your NPO, how does the desire for certainty relate to increased utilization of the church building? I can speculate but would rather hear your experience.
Rich,
I appricaite the question around the NPO. The peices all connect in my head and I often overlook making the connections in writing>
Certainty does not directly impact utilization. However, I am finding that it plays a significant role in the initial conversation about what it would look like to transition from underutilization to higher levels of utilization. The unknown and unpredictability of what that could look like creates an immediate negative emotional response for most people, causing them to run away from the risk/fear.
I loved the your thoughts on the away/toward state. Anxiety, which is often the reaction to fears, can truly leave me going the opposite direction of my center. Going towards and being aware and present is the direction to overcome the anxiety. I wonder that one of the inheritances we receive in the Kingdom of God is that there will be no towards or aways, just present. It was helpful to read how you believe the away state of toxic anxiety only makes the towards state more meaningful. I wonder if that is the point of us living through this life where things are not as they should be. It only makes the revelation of the Kingdom even greater in the contrast, giving us hope for things to be as they were created to be.
Jess – I’m jumping in here to express how grateful I am for how you note the “present” nature (rather than “toward” or “away”) of the Kingdom–it was very peace-giving and invitational for me to read!
It makes me wonder how these conversations around “toward” and “away” fit with the process of discernment and what it means to sense the consolation or desolation of Holy Spirit there.
Darren, thanks for sharing this wonderful post. I particularly enjoyed reading how God recognized the “anxious” state of things (even back then) but provided guidance on how to deal with everyday concerns that face humans. It’s a great reminder that there is nothing new under the sun. Since we recognize that there is indeed an increase in information and knowledge and consequent opportunities to be anxious, can we confidently lean on the same words Christ gave us, i.e., “do not be anxious about anything…” to overcome these modern challenges? Or are there other things we could do to prevent and handle toxic anxiety?
Darren,
I appreciate your thoughts and sharing on anxiety and our ability (or not) to sit within a state of anxiousness. As Rich has stated above, much of my anxiety is about circles of influence and my perceived ability to control on a personal level. As an engineer, I seek out more precision and less ambiguity, which in essence, might lower anxiety/anxiousness. My ability to plan effectively and help foresee potential outcomes along with mitigating risks has proven well, but there is this constant tension with the unknown. I often revert to prayer and listening to God’s voice in ways that help offer steadiness and patience in the potential or perceived chaos.
Have you encountered situations where your “toward” state feels correct, but directionally, you end up “away,” leaving you with additional unanswered questions? This could also intersect with God’s timing, which is not our timing.
Interesting! I had not considered the ‘false’ Towards. I think you are correct that it could be God’s timing. It could also be our own bias and ego that mislead us down those paths. Thankfully, God is still able to redeem both scenarios. I spent seven years in an entrepreneurial startup with one other partner. Unfortunately, the relationship had an ugly falling out. Not sure if that was God’s timing, my bias, or His direction. There will be no answer to that here on earth. While I find that super frustrating, my frustration is likely a desire for knowledge and a sense of purpose and control, rather than just contentment in the goodness of Jesus.
I really appreciate you sharing this, Darren! The “Away/Toward” concept captured my attention, particularly in relation to our faith. How have you observed people in church settings embracing the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’ when anxiety levels rise?
Ivan,
Great question! Anxiety tends to suck you in and morphs your view of most things related to the Fruits of the Spirit. I met with a guy last week who was stuck in that cycle and didn’t even realize it. He was very receptive to starting a journal around ‘joy’ in his life as he felt there was none left. Often, it seems that people with high levels of anxiety simply need someone to come alongside them to help navigate through the fog and encourage them to engage with the Fruits even when they have lost the desire to do so.
Darren,
Your post presents a thought-provoking integration of Proust’s perspective on discovery with David Rock’s work, tying it back to Christian principles in a meaningful way. I particularly appreciated how you connected Rock’s “Away / Toward” concept with the teachings of Christ on anxiety, emphasizing the importance of embracing the “Towards” of the Fruits of the Spirit.
How do you think some of us as church leaders can effectively help congregants navigate the tension between our natural human tendencies (like the “Away” response to anxiety) and the spiritual call to embrace the “Toward” mindset of the Fruits of the Spirit?