Girl to Leader
I have had leadership on my life since I was young. My mom told me that when I was 4, I would line up my dolls and stuffed animals and give them inspirational speeches about things they should do with their lives. Unfortunately, I grew up with a dad and a church community that didn’t value women in leadership, yet I continued to find myself in roles of leadership. I was class president all four years of high school and organized community events for youth. I was often told to know my place and got knocked down often which made we question God on why he made me this way if I am not supposed to be this way as a female. So, it is quite a delight to read a key leadership book written by a woman who is a good leader.
Leader-smithing[1] written by Eve Poole, was a good reminder of all the components that go into being a leader. It added areas to my leadership that I should be aware of. One being that delegation is an important part of leadership, this is an area I often take steps backward on. Poole says that leaders should delegate as much as possible unless it is an area of growth needed for the leader.[2] I find myself too often doing most of all of it. Recently, I had a co-leader who was let go and her assistant became the interim leader. She is young and only has a few years of experience. I found myself doing almost everything for her and became a crutch. I had to remember to step back and empower her to lead. I could be the lighthouse[3] to guide her, but I needed to let her come up to it herself. This is also the first job in a long time that I am not the head leader. I’m navigating how to do it well on a team functioning in flat leadership.
I find it interesting in writing about work-life balance, Poole uses an example of clergy as ones who empty themselves for others[4]. As a chaplain working in a social service job, I find myself believing that over-serving is what is required of me. Also, overworking can meet my need to feel good enough or important which puts the focus on me and not those I serve. The annoying Messiah complex pops out again.
Receiving feedback feels like a fearful ominous cloud to me whether it be positive or negative. My job as a leader is to absorb negative feedback and this requires both strength and wisdom.[5] I have always been a severely independent person when it comes to getting help or figuring out the hard things. I have had to really learn and build muscle memory[6] to have the confidence and composure to receive from others. I believe this roots in my growing up and deep insecurities about myself. To receive from others was week and a sign of failure, this I learned from my dad and his stubborn French family. I still have to battle this lie in my life.
Poole’s thoughts on mood are essential for a leader’s self-awareness. One’s mood creates the weather and influences everyone whether you think is does or not[7]. Are you stormy and grey or sunshine? Awareness of this can create a safe and transparent atmosphere. Heather Plett’s book The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation and Leadership[8] has taken me further on the journey of the importance of leaders to create safe and loving spaces. Plett describes holding space as “willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they are on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them to trying to impact the outcomes… we open our hearts, offer unconditional support and let go of judgment and control.”[9]She speaks of this in the context of community and leading each other towards empowerment and transformation. Poole’s suite of hearts touch on Plett’s understanding of holding space, but I believe this is an area that can be added to Poole’s deck. Maybe the jokers can be creating trusting atmosphere and holding safe spaces. This is especially necessary for leadership in the humanitarian sector, which deals in people’s hearts and lives, different from a business that deals in products and money.
[1] Poole, Eve. Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership. London ; New York, NY: Bloomsbury Business, an imprint of Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017
[2] Poole 2017, 26
[3] Poole 2017, 27
[4] Poole 2017, 31
[5] Poole 2017, 30
[6] Poole 2017, 12
[7] Poole 2017, 88
[8] Plett, Heather. The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation and Leadership. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada: Page Two, Inc, 2020
[9] Plett 2020
About the Author
Jess Bashioum
3 responses to “Girl to Leader”
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First of all, I am sorry to read your first paragraph and I wish it wasn’t so commonplace. My wife Michaela’s first masters degree was with a denomination that limited which programs she could study. Restarting school twenty years later has been astonishingly different, yet that doesn’t make up for the earlier limitations. Your words hit home. Thankfully, there are more chapters to write.
I agree with the importance of a trusting atmosphere and safe space. It is necessary for all organizations, not just humanitarian. Poole cites the Gallup 12 and the idea that people leave managers, not companies.[1] I regularly get anonymous surveys with questions that align with the study’s key findings. The survey two weeks ago hit eight or nine of the areas. Two of the questions related to trusting upper management and feeling supported to raise concerns or challenge decisions. Make no mistake, the motivation for building trust and improving psychological safety is profit stemming from a more loyal and empowered workforce. Poole also stresses character. Empty words don’t make anyone feel safe.
[1] Poole, 22.
Thank you for your solidarity on women leaders. Truly appreciated. I went through the Alliance ordination process with a group of men over 20 years ago. At the completion all the men were ordained while I recieved a nice speech about now I can be counted as one of the women of faith, like Sarah and Rachel who supported their husbands. I’m not really bitter about it, but I sure was delighted when the denomination decided to confer ordination on women last year.
Leaders should be people who are trustworthy and safe and they should encourage growth in each person towards building trusting atmospheres. The individual leader may be transparent and have good character, but if this is not a core theme of how an organization runs, it may not permeate out to all staff. I believe leaders must be intentional on all levels to create a safe place. Thanks your your thoughts on this.
Jess,
I agree with you and appreciate your sharing your thoughts. First of all, empowering others is exhilarating and liberating yet complicated. I have experienced many of the instances you describe above where the essence of saving time in the “now” prevents a learning and development opportunity. Instead of being a patient instructor, I take over driving the car. Often, I haven’t circled back to equip the individual further or close the loop. Have you thought about mechanisms to catch yourself in the moment?
Secondly, I am married to an individual who has emerged as a leader later in life and in the academic and faith-related communities. She was intentional and likely more than equipped before but not given enough voice or a seat at the table. While she can’t catch up for the lost time, she is making a considerable difference moving forward. Thank you for speaking in that space.