Great Coaching Changed My Life
And it saved me for ministry. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but it’s true.
I was neck-deep in the stuff of a turnaround ministry environment, and I was lost. I was young (with three whole years of vocational ministry under my belt), newly married, and overwhelmed. The little church on the brink of closure I was pastoring was starting to show signs of life, and the “old guard” struggled with new faces and the stories of brokenness and redemption that came with them. I was clumsy and struggled with how to lead change. I was swimming in the doubt and discouragement that makes you question everything from identity to purpose when a friend reached out by email. The subject line was, “You need a coach.” And in the body of that email, he offered to coach me as part of his development toward further certification there.
We walked through deep waters together, and he played an instrumental role in helping me get clarity of purpose in that season and within myself. Those simple monthly calls helped me cultivate a greater focus on Holy Spirit’s voice and develop courage to follow the leadership of the Spirit. Our relationship became more than just a monthly coaching call. Over time, that coach became a mentor and friend
Years later, after an especially trying period of life and ministry, I was spent—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. It felt like any reserves were gone. I called up my coach-mentor-friend and let him know I would be taking a break from the whole ministry thing, and maybe someday I might re-engage with it in a vocational way, but I couldn’t see a path forward for that. He asked good questions, elicited processing from me, and then interjected something: “Sometimes, the most restful and recharging thing you can do is go to a place where God is clearly working and join him in it.” He offered me the opportunity to come and just “be” at his local church, where God was working, and join in with him.
That place became one of great healing and joy for me and my family. I’m not sure what my family’s story would be if it hadn’t been for his coaching, compassion, and willingness to risk with me. His leadership also encouraged me to take a coaching approach to my own ministry and leadership—I had experienced the value of someone working with Holy Spirit to call out really good things even in hard circumstances.
Camacho’s Mining for Gold[1] reminded me of those interactions with my friend. It highlighted the value of not only having people in our lives who can see what we cannot about how God might want to invite us into his story but also being one of those people for others. The process is one of leadership development and multiplication, and Camacho takes an approach that honors the divine-human collaboration of developing others. In some ways, the perspective in Mining for Gold reminded me of J. Robert Clinton’s in The Making of a Leader[2], where the reader is invited to see the process of development in a cruciform way and see God as the one at work even (or especially!) in seasons that require us to embrace crushing and refining—that’s the only way to get the purest gold.
Everyone longs to know identity, belonging, and purpose. When we are secure in these parts of our lives, we’re freer to give ourselves away and experience the adventure of ministry—whether vocational or not—in a way that leads to flourishing. That security frees us to live authentically (or to “be real” in Camacho’s terms[3]). While I agree that a sense of “stuck-ness” for people may come out of a lack of clarity in this space and failure to live into their design[4], I believe it is important to remember it may be that the leader is in a refining or transforming place—liminality feels a lot like being “stuck,” after all[5].
One thing I’m continuing to process as a follower of Jesus and as someone who leads others is that we are always reproducing ourselves in others (whether intentionally or not). Mining for Gold includes the reminder that we don’t reproduce what we wish we were—we reproduce what we actually are. I want to be the kind of leader who can say, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9). I think I’m closer to that today than I was yesterday, but with miles to go; it will mean continuing to sit in those places of refining even while “mining for gold” with others. It’s there that God may invite me to play some small part in someone else’s story, where they might say, “Great coaching changed my life.”
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[1]Camacho, Tom. Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching. Kindle. London: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019.
[2] Clinton, J. Robert. The Making of A Leader: Recognizing the Lessons and Stages of Leadership. Revised edition. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2012.
[3] Camacho, Tom. Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching. Kindle. London: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019, 83).
[4] Ibid, 136.
[5] Wisker, Gina. “Beyond Blockages to Ownership, Agency, and Articulation: Liminal Spaces and Conceptual Threshold Crossin in Doctoral Learning,” in in Threshold Concepts in Practice, ed. R. Land, J. H. F. Meyer, and M. T. Flanagan (Amsterdam: Sense Publishers, 2016), 171.
About the Author
Jeremiah Gómez
I get to be Sarah's husband and Jubilee's and Zechariah's dad. I also get to serve as lead pastor at Trinity Church, a dynamic church in the Midwest where we're diligently seeking to Love God, love others, live sent, and be transformed together in community. I love the privilege of working across differences, championing healing and reconciliation in many forms.15 responses to “Great Coaching Changed My Life”
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Most churches have less than 100 members and are lead by a single pastor. That leader is expected to be the CEO, the CFO, a theologian, a textual critic, a comedian, a project manager, a janitor, an exemplary spouse/parent/child, and available at a moment’s notice. Is there any wonder why your story of being spent is the norm rather than the exception? The gift of community and shelter that your coach-mentor-friend offered is a beautiful expression of how we are called to serve the Church within the context of our local churches.
Your vulnerability in this post reinforces a thread that has been repeated on several of the discussions. “Putting your mask on first,” is not a selfish act but one that can be sustaining for the leader and for their followers. That is hard-earned wisdom that I need to hear on a regular basis.
Thank you, Rich. I’m sure part of my own earlier failures to “put my mask on first” may have been in part not knowing that was even an option. More of a component was likely a desire to “prove” myself as capable and competent. I think part of being able to care for yourself in the way you mention here is the willingness to choose vulnerability and authenticity. The challenge there is I’m not sure either can be taught (though they can be modeled).
It’s terrific that you were fortunate to have a fantastic coaching experience. Sometimes, we overlook the fact that we never stop learning in life and how important it is to have good coaching. What would this world look like if, first, each individual had a mentor and, second, we mentored someone else?
Also, you’re right when you said, “We reproduce what we actually are.” It’s so easy to point out other people’s mistakes and messes while there’s so much I can change and improve in my own life. I believe that having a good coach in life can help us enhance areas we cannot see ourselves.
Thank you, Ivan –
I agree! We all need those people who can call to life in us what we’re blind to and invite us to course correction when we’ve set a dangerous trajectory (that, again, we can be blind to). I know what I *think* I am, but am not always aware of what it’s actually like to sit on the other side of me. We need people we trust who can help us grow in this awareness, even as we live in broader and authentic community. The more I get to do the stuff of life and ministry, the more aware I become of my need for other people–to pour into and be poured into.
Jeremiah, thanks for sharing your story for the benefit of others. It is a gift!
I’m curious: what did you practically experience that was different in an environment where God was working and you were joining him in his work, rather than striving in your own efforts?
We use this model and language frequently in our teaching at Mercy Ships, so I’m very interested in how it played out in your situation.
Thank you, Joff!
The only way I can describe it was that I felt like I was given a front-row seat to watch transformation take place. Sure, I had a role to play, but there was no sense of pressure, only invitation to be fully present and available to what Holy Spirit might want to do. The community I was a part of played a big part, too–discerning and acting with others toward what we sensed was God’s design rather than trying to manage that on my own meant we could take risks together (again, without a sense of pressure to perform). In the case with my coach-mentor-friend, they were seeing genuine life transformation in individuals, families, and communities; so “being where God was at work” meant intersecting with those stories and seeking to be present to his will. I’m not saying I was passive, or that fruitfulness is the only evidence of God’s working, but at that time in my life, the invitation to abide in that fruitful season was what I needed.
Great insight, thank you Jeremiah! I find that there is something really fulfilling and life-giving when you can know that God is already at work through the Holy Spirit and our role is to say “yes” to Him, wherever that leads. I’m glad that it has led us both here!
Same here—grateful to be on the journey with you!
Hi Jeremiah. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability here today. I truly understand the struggles of the younger years of ministry – a season of wanting to pace hard and scale our work up amidst trying to keep a healthy family running! It’s very cool to see how you did the hard work, walked in the deep waters while in tandem developing courage and sat with just “Being.”… Sometimes it takes being heard and feeling valued to gain the clarity to make a change in our own life, and you did it. I also value multiplication Jeremiah. I am incredibly excited to process the art and call of multiplication! The most exciting part for me is to be a part of the multiplying of leaders, as highlighted in the book. Multiplication for me is the pinnacle of leadership. All that it takes to multiply leaders is profound! Thanks for sharing your journey
Judith
Thank you, Judith.
I am with you on the need for multiplication. One thing I’ve noticed is that, when it came to entrusting others with leadership, Jesus was more comfortable with empowering those around him earlier than many of us might be. I’ve often wondered how “unready” the 12 and 72 felt (or appeared) when they were sent to put into action what they’d experienced with him. I think there’s something in learning as we practice–that becoming the disciples and leaders we are made to be requires practicing the stuff of discipleship and leadership (including empowering and releasing others), even before we think we’re ready for it.
I agree wholeheartedly on that one Jeremiah. We are not asked to be perfect in our roles when we are called. I think that’s where real-time discipleship comes in, that we have the opportunity to learn and grow as we lean in. I love the fact that Jesus modelled servant leadership with a bunch of misfits who had the grace to make mistakes and ask curious questions (that we feel might be stupid to ask). Jesus curated a real-time discipleship landscape that we can model our ministries after. I enjoyed your pondering. Thank you for your comment today.
Jeremiah, thank you for your reflection on your early years of leadership.
I am trying to understand coaching both within the pastoral structure of the church and also the care of church leaders. Could I ask why no older, more experienced pastor supported you and nurtured your gifts? Were you part of a denomination, and isn’t that the role of those you are accountable to? Were where they when you were in crisis and need?
I think I’ve missed something because i have believed that was the normal structure of churches. Every pastor has a pastor whose role is to disciple, support, and nurture the pastor’s giftings. Do older pastors not disciple newer pastors anymore?
Thank you, Betsy.
You ask great questions–ones that I’ve pondered and processed over time. I think much of the answer depends on context, so I can only answer from my own:
1) There’s an assumption that discipleship and mentoring happen when a lead pastor has a staff team. If you’re in a solo or lead role (as I was), there may be some programs available to find equipping, but a mentoring pastor wasn’t something that was part of the ethos at the time (and I didn’t know how much I would need/want that, so failed to be proactive in finding such a relationship).
2) When there are pastoral vacancies denominations and their smaller structural components (regions, districts, etc.) have a sense of urgency in finding and placing pastors there and then move on to the next vacancy or major crisis.
3) The metrics of success for district and denominational leaders didn’t include the health, longevity, or development of the pastors in their care, and what we measure is what gets celebrated and focused upon.
4) There’s a sense that seminary is the equipping and primary nurturing phase (rather than a launching pad into a new level of nurturing and equipping).
Part of what I appreciated about this week’s reading is the sense that we are all meant to invest in others (and we all need to be invested in)… and that this is often best done in a relational, Spirit-guided, “organic” way. Now as a leader and mentor to others, I’m seeking to model what it looks like to mentor and be mentored (and to coach and be coached).
Thank you Jeremiah for your thoughtful reply to my questions. That is fascinating!
These lines are incredibly helpful or my research:
2)When there are pastoral vacancies denominations and their smaller structural components (regions, districts, etc.) have a sense of urgency in finding and placing pastors there and then move on to the next vacancy or major crisis.
3) The metrics of success for district and denominational leaders didn’t include the health, longevity, or development of the pastors in their care, and what we measure is what gets celebrated and focused upon.
4) There’s a sense that seminary is the equipping and primary nurturing phase (rather than a launching pad into a new level of nurturing and equipping).
This is incredibly helpful and summarises what I had thought could be true across many parts of the world. Thank you so much.
I’d like to see all that change urgently… that summarises the fire in my insides right now.
I’d like to see all of this change, too. I’m doing some “as far as it depends on me” work in my current context to live into something different with my teams and spheres of influence. More systemic change is probably necessary…and time is of the essence!
Thanks again!