Non-Anxious Leadership In An Age Of Anxiety
Six years ago, I gathered a few teachers in my church and facilitated a conversation, hoping to learn more about the community we were pastoring. When I asked them about the issues that children and families were dealing with, the number one response was anxiety. Each person spoke about how alarming levels of anxiety in children meant that they had to adapt their teaching strategies to help manage this new trend.
In The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, Jonathan Heidt confirms what I had heard anecdotally from teachers years ago. The premise of Haidt’s book is that starting in the early 2010s, there was a “great rewiring” of a generation’s cognitive and social development that has given rise to an alarming increase in mental health disorders. Heidt points to two primary factors in this rise of anxiety. These two factors are related to parenting and the unregulated use of technology. He writes, “My central claim in this book is that these two trends—overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world—are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”[1]
Two central terms stood out to me. The author contrasted a “play-based childhood” with a “phone-based childhood”. He writes, “A play-based childhood is one in which kids spend the majority of their free time playing with friends in the real world as I defined it in the introduction: embodied, synchronous, one-to-one or one-to-several, and in groups or communities where there is some cost to join or leave so people invest in relationships.”[2] This is the kind of childhood that earlier generations had. However, Haidt notes, “Gen Z became the first generation in history to go through puberty with a portal in their pockets that called them away from the people nearby and into an alternative universe that was exciting, addictive, unstable, and—as I will show—unsuitable for children and adolescents.”[3] The shift from a “play-based” to a “phone-based” childhood is facilitated by parents being overprotective in the outside world and under protective in the online world.
There are many alarming impacts that the author exposes throughout Part 3 of the book, such as social deprivation, sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation, and addiction. However, what I want to reflect on further is found in Part 4. In this closing section, Haidt calls for collective action from adults that could help children regain a healthy childhood. Often, we feel powerless in the rising tide of technology and online activity. The hope for the health of our future adolescents is found in adults who are figures of authority. Haidt calls for governments, tech companies, schools, and parents to partner with GenZ to take collective action. However, this is not simply a technical challenge. Rather, it requires leaders to understand the psychological dynamics of society. Annabel Bereel writes, “To influence groups, leaders must understand what is going on both overtly and covertly. This means they need to take a psychodynamic approach to a group’s functioning, and they also need to understand the psychodynamic behaviours of a group.”[4] She admits, however, that this skill is not often considered.
As I read section 4, I couldn’t help but connect this collective action to A Failure of Nerve by Friedman. In essence, Haidt calls for authority figures to provide leadership rather than give in to the cultural pressure for a “phone-based childhood” that seems too much to resist. To take back childhood for future generations, parents and other authority figures will have to learn to become more self-differentiated. What does this mean?
Friedman views leadership as an emotional process rather than a cognitive process that requires a self-differentiated leader.[5] He describes this kind of leader, “I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected and, therefore, can maintain a modifying, non-anxious and sometimes challenging presence.”[6] Friedman believes that whole system change is only possible when collective leadership action is taken. He writes: “Ultimately, societies, families, and organizations are able to evolve out of a state of regression not because their leaders ‘feel’ for or ‘understand’ their followers, but because their leaders are able, by their well-defined presence, to regulate the systemic anxiety in the relationship system they are leading and to inhibit those factions that would preempt its agenda.”[7]
The collective action proposed by Haidt will involve self-differentiated leadership at every level of society. He writes: “If schools take these steps, in concert with parents taking related steps at home and governments changing laws to support those efforts, then I believe we can reverse the surge of suffering that hit adolescents in the early 2010s.”[8] Since the church has reach into all of these sectors, I’d like to think that this is a golden opportunity for the church to provide self-differentiated leadership.
While this problem is immense, I think the church is uniquely positioned to help. I will offer a few suggestions for the church. First, churches can model phone-free zones during meetings. Youth need models. Would leaders be willing to model this? Secondly, churches can help parents become healthier by providing a parenting course that encourages good parenting. Finally, church leaders can encourage schools and governments to consider what part they can play in this. I know of one church leader who gave this book to his Member of Parliament.
As I close, I will do so with the words of Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and beneficiary of a “play-based” childhood. He writes, “The Anxious Generation is a must-read for anyone raising, working with, or teaching young people today. With this book, Haidt has given the world a wake-up call about where we’re headed—and a roadmap for how we can change course.”[9]
[1] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (New York, NY: Penguin Press, 2024), Kindle, 9.
[2] Haidt, 53.
[3] Haidt, 6.
[4] Annabel C. Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, 1 Edition (New York: Routledge, 2021), 107.
[5] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, ed. Margaret M. Treadwell and Edward W. Beal, 10th anniversary revised edition (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 15.
[6] Friedman, 16.
[7] Friedman, 146.
[8] Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 264.
[9] Bill Gates, “My Review of The Anxious Generation | Bill Gates,” gatesnotes.com, accessed January 19, 2025, https://www.gatesnotes.com/the-anxious-generation.
About the Author
Graham English
I was born in Cape Town, South Africa 30 minutes from Table Mountain, the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. My family immigrated to Vancouver, Canada where I spent my teen years, met Wendy, and got married. We now live on the Canadian prairies in northern Alberta. I think God has a sense of humour. I'm a follower of Jesus, work in leadership and church development, love my family and walk a lot.15 responses to “Non-Anxious Leadership In An Age Of Anxiety”
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Graham,
Good job. A couple of weeks ago I visited a church and they have removed all paper products (including bibles) from the seat backs. In place, they now have a QR code for access to announcements, prayer requests, and the bible passages for the day. I was saddened to see this new development. Not simply because I am “old school” and want a physical Bible for people that might now have their own but because it actually encourages people’s phone usage during the service. It is really hard to follow the sermon outline but then get a notification for something stupid and not follow the dopamine hit… What might you say to such a church as this?
Adam, I agree with you. Unfortunately, I also encourage people to take out their bibles, smartphones or tablets when I read a passage.
I would share the book with the pastor and encourage the team to consider the impact of phones on teens. Then, I would encourage the church to consider providing options for people who want to turn their phones off and for those who are not tech-savvy.
Graham,
I appreciate your idea for the church. I read Adam’s comments and I too have been in churches with QR codes. It was exciting to have my son tell me that he knew a friend of his did not have a physical Bible. He asked our pastor if we had any extra Study Bibles and she gave him one to give his friend.
I see the impact of this every day in my classes I teach. I cannot tell you the number of students that email me letting me know they will not be in class due to mental health issues. I know not all of it is cell phone usage, but it has to be a contributing factor.
Besides educating school districts about the negative impacts of smartphone usage, is there something else that your church could offer the district that would help? I know I don’t have any idea where you are located and where that is in relation to schools, but do you or any other churches offer an afterschool programming or tutoring that would provide non-cellphone interactions for kids?
Hi Jeff,
There is something about giving a physical copy of the bible to someone who is a seeker or new believer. It is much more meaningful than showing them a bible app, although I’m not against bible apps. I read my physical bible as well as regularly use YouVersion.
I work in a denominational role now, so I work with a group of 115 churches in Alberta. I know several of our churches have offered after-school programs for kids and youth that involve lots of free time and play. Most youth ministries are structured around interaction and community. The youth group at our home church does a service night once a month, in which youth are out in the community serving people.
Thanks Graham! In your opinion, what would ‘play-based adulthood’ look like? How can we model (or remember how to) play with our emerging adults?
A play based adulthood sounds like fun. First, it would mean no doctoral studies (LOL). That was a joke because I feel buried underneath study these days.
But in all seriousness, I think play and fun are integral. Our team has this as a value at work – we want to have fun and play when we are together. As well, I think fun is something that can be planned into our lives. When my kids were younger, I planned to play with them every day after school for at least an hour. It was unstructured and fun play. Now, play is more challenging because of a high demand job and a doc program. However, sabbath is typically a day to play and we structure play into our lives through vacations.
Hi Graham, Thanks for your post and considering how the church – your church – could help limit the negative impact of social media. In your role of church leadership do you have an avenue to try out some of the suggestions you made? It makes me want to offer a parenting class at my church when finished with this program.
Hi Diane, I attend a church right now but am not involved in the leadership of it. However, I want to do a couple of things as a result of having read the book. 1) Buy a copy for all of our Next Gen pastors and 2) offer to mentor younger families once the doc program is over.
Hi Graham,
As a church leader, how do you see the church’s role in promoting healthier childhood experiences and combating the negative impacts of a “phone-based” childhood?
Shela,
Philosophically, I believe the church is responsible to help parents disciple their children. Too often, parents look to the church to disciple kids spiritually. They drop them off at youth or kids programming, but they are not involved in their kid’s discipleship. I would hope that churches would equip parents to disciple their kids and partner with them in it.
Hi Graham, Great post! I appreciated how you connected Friedman’s thoughts to Haidt’s “Anxious Generation.” I resonate with your exhortation to adults to model this for young people, and wrote a bit to this in my post. I also appreciate your action plan for a parenting course in churches. An author I have enjoyed reading, Gabor Maté, states, “Troubled parenting, in turn, is a breeding ground for personal and societal malaise.” I believe this could be a factor in young people’s digital dependence, troubled parenting. Besides less phone use, what other healthy, proactive steps can parents take with their children to help them navigate this anxious generation well?
Elysse,
I can think of a couple of things:
1) Help provide activities that provide better dopamine hits – sports, play, adventure, travel are amazing ways to explore the world.
2) Stay at home with kids: I know this is not popular but we chose to have my wife not work (more her choice than mine) because she wanted to be present to our kids when they came home from school or had days off. She wanted to give them a space to feel safe and non-anxious.
3) Play with your kids in an unstructured way. I chose to play with kids for an hour every day. Sometimes it was play fighting, other times it was hockey, other times it was a bike ride. Show them how to play.
Thanks for this great post Graham. I’m wondering, how might self-differentiated leadership with the Church contribute to creating a less phone-based childhood… and adulthood, for that matter? And where have you fit into this changing environment regarding your own play- or phone-based adult life?
Debbie, The church would be self-differentiated if we decided that we would not become over dependent on phone-based tech and encouraged people to set them aside for the sake of personal wellness and relationships with others. We would be going against culture
To your second question, I have to admit that I am not very good at this at the moment. I am too tied to my screens because of work and studies. I have also not played well in the last while. That’s the reality for me right now. However, I am going to Thailand for a work conference and then Wendy and I will stay for an extra week of beach time in the next week. That will be play!
At the Lausanne Congress last year, there was a big push for embracing technological spaces as a place for Christian witness to emerge. Simultaneous translation services via smartphone apps have simplified multilingual worship and conferences. Youth are building Minecraft chapels and offering prayer to other player’s characters, and platform-wide screens have become the latest trend. There are some who have leaned in heavily into the tech-driven society, QR-codes and all.
Do you have any advice for those who seem unconcerned about the harm to mental health? What options can you foresee other than suggesting people unplug more?
From your perspective, is there a way to cultivate non-anxious presence in the digital realm?