Following the Lamb: Relational Discipleship That Changes Lives
Two men attended an outdoor event where they heard a powerful speaker. Thousands of people from all over the region were at the event. They were all entranced by the eccentric man who held them spell-bound.
The two men listened to the speaker for days, following what he said, learning from him, and being challenged by the man to confess their sins and be baptized. They became his disciples.
But the man told his disciples to look for someone even greater than he was.
One day, as the speaker spoke with the two disciples, another man walked by. The speaker pointed to him and told them, “Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! This is the one I was telling you about.”
When the man’s disciples heard this, they turned and followed this new man.
He turned to them and asked, “What do you want?”
They said, “Teacher, where are you staying?” Presumably what they wanted was going to take some time to explain.
“Come,” he replied, “and you will see.”
Taken mostly from John 1, this story shows how Jesus began leading his disciples by inviting them into a relationship. He wanted to know what was important to them and he spent time getting to know them and allowing them to begin to know him.
In this example we see how Jesus models the ultimate servant leader, inviting others to follow him in transformative relationships. We’ll explore how Jesus’s leadership model sets the foundation for life-on-life discipleship through the Holy Spirit.
Defining Leadership
In his seminal work, Leadership; Theory and Practice, Peter Northouse defines leadership in general terms: “Leadership is a process whereby an individual influences a group of individuals to achieve a common goal.” [1]
Northouse explains that it’s a process, a transactional event between leader and follower. Each affects the other.
He also says leadership involves influence. “Without influence, leadership does not exist.” [2]
Next, the focus is on groups. A leader can’t lead in a vacuum.
Finally, an individual leads a group to help it achieve common goals; they are working together.
Within that broad definition, there are multiple types of leadership. Let’s look specifically at three types, especially through the lens of following Jesus:
Servant Leadership. Servant leaders are attentive to their followers, “empathize with them, and nurture them. Servant leaders put followers first, empower them, and help them develop their full personal capacities.” [3]
- An example of Jesus being a servant leader is when he got down on his knees during the Last Supper and washed the feet of his disciples (John 13:14-16). He told them that even as he, their Lord and Teacher had washed their feet, they should wash each other’s feet. For “no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him” (NIV).
- Also, in Matthew 19:30 and Matthew 20:16 when Jesus said, “The last shall be first and the first will be last” (NIV).
Transformational Leadership. “Transformational leadership is the process whereby a person engages with others and creates a connection that raises the level of motivation and morality in both the leader and the follower… attentive to the needs and motives of followers and tries to help followers reach their fullest potential.” [p.186] [4] Leading others transformationally, you need to have charisma and vision, and ultimately lead followers to places they maybe haven’t even considered yet.
- Jesus demonstrated transformational leadership in many instances. One example was his interaction with Zacchaeus in Luke 19. So overcome by gratitude–and probably by the grace and empathy of Jesus–Zacchaeus gave away half his possessions to the poor and said he’d pay back four times whatever he’d cheated people. Imagine the transformation in that man!
Authentic Leadership. While scholars are still in the process of defining this leadership style, several common threads seem to arise. Referencing a study by Walumbwa et al. Northouse says they “suggest that authentic leadership is composed of four distinct but related components: self-awareness, internalized moral perspective, balanced processing, and relational transparency.” [5]
In reading about this type of leadership, the word trust comes to mind. The relationship between leader and followers must be built on trust, and these components all contribute to building that trust.
- A powerful example of Jesus demonstrating the four components of authentic leadership is his interaction with the woman at the well (John 4:1–29). Jesus approached the woman with relational transparency and a deep sense of trustworthiness. He was aware of his mission and identity as Messiah and did not shy away from speaking truthfully about the woman’s life. He listened to her questions and concerns and gently redirected the conversation to deeper truths about worship. He allowed himself to be vulnerable with her about his identity, causing her to be transformed right then and there.
The Power of Relational Discipleship
Transformation in discipleship happens within the context of relationships.
In his book, The Anatomy of the Soul, psychiatrist Curt Thompson explains from an Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) point of view: “The right and left hemispheres of the brain differ in their focus. The right is deeply aware of the present moment and the individual’s connection to all things–the state of ‘we.’ The left, on the other hand, is concerned not with the present moment but with the past and the future. It keeps track of what has come before in order to protect the individual from future danger.” [6]
Leaders understand that the human brain is always looking to the past to prepare for the future, and ignoring the present. When people engage in too much intellectuallizing, we remain in left-brain functioning, without allowing ourselves to tap into the present with right-brain Here&Now neurotransmitters like oxytocin, endorphins, and others. [7]
When we examine the impact dopamine has on our perception of the present moment: “Dissatisfaction with the present state of affairs is an important ingredient in bringing about change.” [8]
The key to transformational leadership is helping people balance self-awareness and learning from the past, with creating a new vision for the future, while still remaining aware and grateful in the present.
That’s why creating joyful, loving community requires being known; it is essential to the process of transformational disciplemaking. Thompson writes,
Love is about the present moment. Our brains, through faith energized by hope, are kept alive to the Love that is here and yet still coming in its fullness… [9]
The essence of God–and our lives–is love. And the fundamental dynamic of love, springing forth necessarily as it does not only from and within a mind but also between minds, is manifested in terms of being known. Through this process, we are deeply integrated in all of our right and left hemispheric beauty–mentalized, if you will–while simultaneously invited to experience the adventure and joy that come from helping to usher in a new creation. [10]
That new future creation–internal transformation that manifests externally–occurs only in relationships that help us deal with the past and live in the present. We need to be known deeply by one or two or three other human beings, and we need to feel deeply known by God.
The Integrated Discipleship Model [11] brings this to life by weaving together three core strands:
- Interpersonal relationships in small groups: These relationships provide a space for prayer, encouragement, and mutual growth in Christ by being known by other human beings.
- Individual spiritual formation through disciplines: Practices like prayer, Scripture meditation, and Sabbath cultivate personal transformation by focusing on a present relationship with God.
- Self-awareness through tools like the Enneagram: Understanding one’s personality and motivations deepens self-knowledge, brings the past into the present, and aligns us with God’s purposes for the future.
Relational discipleship is where the Holy Spirit works to transform hearts and build Christlike character, all within the beauty of connection and community.
Leading Through Transformational Discipleship
Whether through washing feet, inviting confession, or speaking with relational transparency, Jesus constantly reveals a leadership style grounded in humility, service, and love.
Making disciples like Jesus is a relational and transformative process. Jesus models a leadership style that intertwines servant, transformational, and authentic leadership. As leaders in discipleship, we are called to follow his example, leading others toward transformation even as we grow in maturity and Christlikeness ourselves.
Servant leadership calls us to elevate others, helping them grow into their fullest potential. In discipleship, this means creating environments where followers can experience transformation in their beliefs, values, and actions. To effect this transformation, Jesus demonstrated how to use loving influence to empower rather than control.
Discipleship without transformation misses its purpose. Curt Thompson and other thinkers in Interpersonal Neurobiology remind us that change happens in the context of loving relationships, where the right brain’s present-moment connection fosters joy, attachment, and identity formation. Transformation emerges when individuals feel deeply known—by God and by a trusted community.
Life-on-Life Leadership
Discipleship is not a distant or abstract task; it is a life-on-life calling. This is the essence of Jesus’ invitation: “Come and see.” Jesus demonstrated the three strands of the Integrated Discipleship Model through his deep self-awareness, his disciplines of prayer, celebration, and worship, and his intimately connected community.
Coming Full Circle
The two disciples at the beginning of this article accepted John the Baptist’s direction to follow the Lamb of God. By doing so, they entered into a life of transformational leadership—learning from Jesus while influencing others. This relational, servant-led discipleship remains our model today.
As we grow in self-awareness, spiritual formation, and the capacity to create joyful, loving communities, we step into the kind of leadership Jesus modeled. By his Spirit, our leadership can bear the fruit of transformed hearts and lives. Authentic discipleship, rooted in servant leadership, is always transformative—and it leads us and those we serve closer to Christ.
“Come and see.” Let this be the invitation we extend as we lead others and walk together toward the Kingdom.
1 – Peter G. Northouse, Leadership; Theory and Practice, 9th edition (Los Angeles: SAGE Publishing, 2022), 6.
2 – Northouse, 7.
3 – Northouse, 253.
4 – Northouse, 186.
5 – Northouse, 222.
6 – Curt Thompson, Anatomy of the Soul; Surprising Connections Between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships (Carol Stream, Ill: Tyndale Momentum, 2010), 243.
7 – Daniel Z. Lieberman, Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More; How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity–and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race (Dallas: BenBella Books, 2019), 16.
8 – Liberman, 17.
9 – Thompson, 248-249.
10 – Thompson, 254.
11 – Deborah C. Owen, “Integrated Discipleship”, Inside Out Ministries, https://insideoutministries.info/work-with-me.
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.3 responses to “Following the Lamb: Relational Discipleship That Changes Lives”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Hi Debbie, I love this comment, “Authentic discipleship, rooted in servant leadership, is always transformative—and it leads us and those we serve closer to Christ.” In what ways do you see yourself applying this in your own life?
Great work Debbie. How does Jesus’ invitation of “Come and see” challenge the way you currently approach leadership and discipleship in your context?
Hi Debbie, I appreciated your emphasis on servant, transformational, and authentic leadership. I agree with you; change happens in the context of loving relationships. This semester, I have reflected on ways to create environments where followers can experience transformation in their beliefs, values, and actions. I would like to do more in this area. What has it been like for you to create these environments as a leader?