I Hate Jazz
I met my husband in Chicago. We both worked in residence life at North Park University and were in Seminary together. I love big cities, the chaos, the unpredictability, and the order, especially Chicago, where everything is in a grid. When we started dating, as all dating people do, you take an interest in their interests. He loves Jazz. I thought I loved jazz too, but all it took was a few dates at jazz clubs, and then I realized I hated it. Before you get mad at me, I don’t hate all Jazz, just improvisational jazz. My husband (boyfriend), at the time figured out why. He knows I love to dance, LOVE it, and I tend to thrive on spontaneity, so at first, he was confused, but then he understood: I thrive on Chaos within order. I felt seen by him. I indeed like rules and boundaries (within reason), and I love the freedom to scribble within the lines any way I want, with sometimes scribbling outside of the lines. So, although jazz has rules and order, I wouldn’t say I like how I couldn’t predict where it went in the improvisation. (True story: just as I finished this paragraph, my husband mentioned that we were going on a date this Saturday and said, “Maybe a jazz club?” Do you think married people become algorithms together? Creepy.
As Margaret Wheatley notes in her leadership books, rules and order are found in chaos, as she considers leadership lessons in science. “But of course, this god of science can only fail us. Chaos can’t be controlled; the unpredictable can’t be predicted. Instead, we are being called to encounter life as it is: uncontrollable, unpredictable, messy, surprising, erratic.”[1] Wheatley’s book Leadership and the New Science is intensely intelligent and somewhat intimidating. Wheatley expertly intertwines science and how our world and nature are seemingly chaotic but finds beautiful symmetry in the science of nature. She then takes this science and pulls lessons on leadership from this science. “One primary lesson I have learned from fractals is that a world ordered by patterns does not explain itself through traditional measures.” [2]
This brings to mind snowflakes and how each is, ideally, beautifully formed, unique, and masterfully crafted. In leadership and life, what we look for is meaning. That is the spiritual work each of our human souls is searching for. Snowflakes altogether are just a blanket of white stuff that is beautiful and potentially dangerous. However, you catch one flake on your hand, and there is something you will never see again; it does not replicate; it has its structure and meaning. “But by far the most powerful force of attraction in organizations and in our individual lives is meaning. Our greatest motivation in life, writes Viktor Frankl in his stunning presentation of logotherapy, ‘is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning…’”[3] As leaders, helping those we lead understand what they mean to our organizations and their unique fingerprint on the organization. We all want to be seen and valued for who we are and who God made us to be and to know there is an investment by our leaders to help us be our best selves.
We all want to be our best selves. We read self-help books, get life coaching, spiritual direction or counseling, work out, meditate, and practice mindfulness, yet when we avoid our shadow, we miss the work. “We tend to think that if we want to change our behavior, all we have to do is put our minds to it.”[4] I have enjoyed most of the leadership books we’ve read in this program, but I have felt a touch of the feminine power of leadership in the books that come across as artsy, creative, or out of the box. Finding Our Way and Leadership and the New Science by Margaret Wheatley takes a creative look at leadership, primarily through Nature. Spellboundby Daniel Lieberman also lands in alternative ways of understanding leadership. Even if I don’t understand everything, reading a woman’s perspective on how science and nature speak to us as leaders is refreshing. Brilliant.
“Life is uncertain. Instead of holding on to any one thing or form, we expect it to change. Good things, bad things- they come and go in this ever-changing world we live in.” [5] Life is uncertain; I may still hate Jazz, I may squirm and be uncomfortable when the musician goes off on a rift, but what I do know is that I love my husband, and he loves Jazz and that makes it beautiful.
[1] Wheatley, Margaret J. Finding Our Way; Leadership For an Uncertain Times. (San Francisco, Berrett-Koehler Publishing, 2005) Pg 125.
[2] Wheatley, Margaret J. Leadership and the New Science; Discovering Order In A Chaotic World. (San Francisco, Berrett-Koehler Publishing, 2006) Pg 124.
[3] Wheatley, Margaret J. Leadership and the New Science; Discovering Order In A Chaotic World. (San Francisco, Berrett-Koehler Publishing, 2006) pg. 132.
[4] Lieberman, Daniel Z. Spellbound (Dallas, BenBella Books, Inc. 2022),Pg 4.
[5] Wheatley, Margaret J. Finding Our Way; Leadership For an Uncertain Times. (San Francisco, Berrett-Koehler Publishing, 2005) Pg 127.
About the Author
Jana Dluehosh
Jana serves as a Spiritual Care Supervisor for Signature Hospice in Portland, OR. She chairs the corporate Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging committee as well as presents and consults with chronically ill patients on addressing Quality of Life versus and alongside Medical treatment. She has trained as a World Religions and Enneagram Spiritual Director through an Anam Cara apprenticeship through the Sacred Art of Living center in Bend, OR. Jana utilizes a Celtic Spirituality approach toward life as a way to find common ground with diverse populations and faith traditions. She has mentored nursing students for several years at the University of Portland in a class called Theological Perspectives on Suffering and Death, and has taught in the Graduate Counseling program at Portland Seminary in the Trauma Certificate program on Grief.4 responses to “I Hate Jazz”
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Jana,
For some reason, this made me feel relaxed and seen,
“This brings to mind snowflakes and how each is, ideally, beautifully formed, unique, and masterfully crafted. In leadership and life, what we look for is meaning. That is the spiritual work each of our human souls is searching for. Snowflakes altogether are just a blanket of white stuff that is beautiful and potentially dangerous. However, you catch one flake on your hand, and there is something you will never see again; it does not replicate; it has its structure and meaning.” Thank you for this. I needed it tonight.
I see you Jonita. You are beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind and I’m so blessed to have been on this journey with you!
I hate jazz too.
I can only take so much of it and then I’m like, “It’s literally driving me crazy!”
Once again we prove we are kindred spirits.