Modeling the Way of Justice For an Anxious Generation
In March 2018, I opened up FaceBook one morning only to fall into utter shock and dismay as I peered at the photo in front of me. Hanging from a parachute in the clear, blue sky was my 20-year-old daughter, a college sophomore. I didn’t find out about her jumping from an airplane from a phone call, a text or an email–rather, I discovered her latest grand adventure on FaceBook while she was away on Spring Break with her friends. While my husband laughed at my response, I truly felt my feelings were justified. Afterall, we were the kind of family who embraced embodied experiences together: Eating most dinners together, spending major holidays together, celebrating everyone’s birthdays. And,yes! I was/am the world’s most overprotective mother in the real world–so how could this be my daughter!?
What was it about FaceBook informing me of my daughter jumping from an airplane that made me feel like I wanted to judge her? As Jonathan Haidt observes in The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, social media was training me to think in ways that are, “exactly contrary to the world’s wisdom traditions: Think about yourself first, be materialistic, judgmental, boastful, and petty; seek glory as quantified by likes and followers.”[1] The challenges for me as a parent are who is the one being affected more by social media, me or my daughter? What part of my thinking and response needs turning down and what part of her thinking and desire for likes are unconscious? I have never heard this particular daughter express anxiety but I can testify to the fact that the use of social media has certainly tempted me to anxiety, rather than awe and wonder.
The central theme of Jonathan’s Haidt’s book is that in 2010 there was little sign of mental health crisis and because of social media use for young girls and boys, the mental health crisis is all around us. As a social psychologist, Haidt explores how a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood has caused an epidemic of anxiety, self-hatred, competitiveness, and disconnect emotionally from close friends. The author writes, “My central claim in this book is that these two trends–overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world–are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”[2]
Just this week I was having a conversation with parents of teens about this issue; the following is how I am working out the central themes of Jonathan Haidt’s arguments:
- As a leader in my field, how does Haidt’s concerns specifically for children/adolescents impact my life and work?
When younger parents ask me how we as parents monitored our daughters’ social media use, I am happy to share how we approached it. But far more important in this conversation is the way I talk about their children and other people’s children.
As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, I am challenged by asking myself how I am affected by social media in my responses to others, people I know well and people with whom I have more loose ties, and even my own adult children when they post. In her book, Act Like a Leader, Think Like Leader, Hermina Ibarra writes how easy it is for leaders to let immediate problems be solved through old mind-sets. She encourages leaders to “think first then act.”[3] Relying on former ways of perceiving or judging the world was an issue for me. As a more seasoned parent talking to a younger parent, I consider the research Haidt so generously provided and by using my critical thinking skills, I work hard, meaning I think through my words, to guard my language from constant negativity keeping my hearers stuck for lack of vision or hope.
For example, In chapter 6, the author details a story about Alexis Spence who hid her Instagram account from her parents and within six months after opening her account, she was hospitalized for an eating disorder.[4] This is a tragic story that I witnessed happening both in local high schools and college campuses. The mental health crisis connected to technology is real. However, I would also argue that more is going on than just pure social media use. Helping parents of young children and adolescents cast a vision for their family is more valuable. Raising a family in our high tech world is a complex issue. How can we help simplify it for them? I believe we can cite Haidt’s research while helping others see patterns in seemingly unconnected phenomena–like how much time does your child spend with caring adults without technology? Or what habits are ingrained in your daily lives that no one else sees from day to day? How can we forge a path for such conversations?
- In looking back at past speakers and readings, have we encountered similar arguments about technology’s impact on our psychology?
In Jesus and The Powers, Wright and Byrd argue that our foundational mandate as Christians is to reorder our lives according to the symbols and story of Jesus. Challenging their readers’ spiritual formatiom they ask, “Am I more shaped by Scripture or social media? How do I build for the Kingdom in the face of menacing empires while resisting the inevitable seduction to create an empire of our own?”[5] Although these pre-eminient biblical and religious scholars are writing about faith and politics, the principal of starting with Scripture still applies to our debacle with overprotective parents in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world.
Similarly, Dr. Jason Clark during his lecture on Emodied Intelligence, where he explored the identity gap for people and their bodies,[6] pointed his listeners to Who gives us life:
- We are of the earth/dust
- God breathes His Life into us and gives us life
- Scripture has a high view of the body and mind
Yet, Clark’s thinking aligns with Wright and Byrd’s when he says, “How I think of how God thinks about me is the answer to the mind/body problem.” In essence he is reiterating the question: Am I more shaped by Scripture or social media? Reading between the lines, might Wright and Byrd be observing what Jonathan Haidt so openly confesses on his chapter on Spiritual Elevation and Degradation? Citing Durkein’s argument, Haidt writes that humans live on two very different levels: the profane (where we are concerned about our own self which keeps us “low”) or the sacred (rituals and practices that keep us “up”).[7]
I am thinking of a generation who are aware and watching the world’s pain, tragedies, suffering and perhaps doubting God’s watchful care of our lives. You and I believe God will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle–If I am learning anything from my own NPO and research it is that God will bring justice to all who have been oppressed by technology, by political polarizations and even by the hatred for our bodies. The question I am asking myself today is how am I modeling hope in a posture of humility where there’s so much oppression?
[1] Haidt, Jonathan. The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. New York: Penguin Press, 2024. P. 209.
[2] P. 12.
[3] Ibarra, Hermina. Act Like A Leader, Think Like A Leader. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Review Press, 2015. P. 41.
[4] P 144.
[5] Wright, N. T. Jesus and the Powers: Christian Political Witness in an Age of Totalitarian Terror and Dysfunctional Democracies. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Reflective, 2024. P.6
[6] Clark, Jason. “Embodied Intelligence”. 25 Septemeber 2024. First Baptis Church. Doctoral Advance.
[7] Haidt, The Anxious Generation. P. 202.
About the Author
Pam Lau
Pamela Havey Lau brings more than 25 years of experience in speaking, teaching, writing and mediating. She has led a variety of groups, both small and large, in seminars, trainings, conferences and teachings. Pam’s passion is to see each person communicate with their most authentic voice with a transparent faith in Jesus Christ. With more than 10, 000 hours of writing, researching, and teaching the heart and soul of Pam’s calling comes from decades of walking alongside those who have experienced healing through pain and peace through conflict. As a professor and author, Pam deeply understands the role of mentoring and building bridges from one generation to another. She has developed a wisdom in how to connect leaders with their teams. Her skill in facilitating conversations extends across differences in families, businesses, schools, universities, and nonprofits. Pam specializes in simplifying complex issues and as a business owner, has helped numerous CEOs and leaders communicate effectively. She is the author of Soul Strength (Random House) and A Friend in Me (David C. Cook) and is a frequent contributor to online and print publications. You can hear Pam’s podcast on Real Life with Pamela Lau on itunes. Currently, Pam is a mediator for families, churches, and nonprofits. You can contact Pam through her website: PamelaLau.com. Brad and Pam live in Newberg, Oregon; they have three adult daughters and one son-in-law. One small, vocal dog, Cali lives in the family home where she tries to be the boss! As a family they enjoy worshiping God, tennis, good food and spending time with family and friends.6 responses to “Modeling the Way of Justice For an Anxious Generation”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I really appreciate how you’ve woven together personal experiences, Haidt’s research, and reflections on how technology impacts both parents and children. Your honesty about your own reactions and your thoughtful approach to leadership, family, and faith create a meaningful dialogue. The connection to broader spiritual and psychological insights adds depth and provides a strong foundation for addressing the mental health challenges of today. This post is deeply insightful and relatable—well done!
Also that skydiving story is legit. I would feel the same.
Thank you for your words and reading the post, Mathieu. What strikes me the most about our collective conversation about technology, Haidt’s book and our response is that how much regret, remorse or just surprise we are expressing. Doesn’t this make you wonder if we are missing another way of looking at all the distraction about our children and technology effects?
Hi Pam,
My daughter told me of her skydiving escapade weeks after it happened and since she rarely posts things on social media, I’m grateful I didn’t have to see the proof! 🙂
I appreciate how you pulled this quote from our reading, “Haidt writes that humans live on two very different levels: the profane (where we are concerned about our own self which keeps us “low”) or the sacred (rituals and practices that keep us “up”).” I found these thoughts astounding coming from an atheist.
I also think of how we live with two perspectives the temporal and the eternal. I think of the encumbrance of sin that comes with living in a fallen world, and the spiritual battles we face now compared to eternity when that weight is fully lifted and the battle is over. I wonder how much awe we will be in with an eternal perspective. With all that comes against us, the victories, the defeats, and the protection we never recognized maybe we are doing better than we think. Just because we’re still fighting doesn’t mean we’ve lost. Maybe all the discussion that Jonathon Haidt and others are generating is an opportunity to both look and point up.
Jenny~Two thoughts about your response (confession: I read this earlier in the week and then thought about it).
1) What if what you are suggesting about the spiritual is our reality? Might we consider what God is protecting us from in the realm where we cannot see? I, too, was shocked by an atheist’s perspective on the eternal–how could that be? To your point, our struggle with sin is a tension we will have until the day we see Christ so why do we so desperately question, “What’s wrong?!” I hear you saying we have hope, that’s why! Focusing only on the temporal keeps us “low” in our thinking. Our children and grandchildren need us to nurture our hope so it spills out of our words, our imaginations and our actions pointing them to the eternal.
2. Your story of your daughter makes me feel better about mine not telling me first. When I asked her why she didn’t tell me she said, “Mom, you would have begged me not to!”
Thanks for your thoughtful response.
I am happy to say I have yet to learn of my children’s skydiving experiences, but now I have ANOTHER thing to be anxious about!
In all seriousness, in reading your blog this comment jumped off the page: “However, I would also argue that more is going on than just pure social media use.”
This resurfaced a thought I had often as my kids were young: how many of my kid’s memories of me will be of me looking at a device? That thought haunted me at the time, and now I am wondering if there may be a link between the anxiety of kids, and the distraction of their parents? I hope that doesn’t sound judgmental- it is just that as Haidt is seeing a societal trend and tying it to the behaviors of children, maybe there would be value in also analyzing the behaviors of those around said children? Would love to hear others’ thoughts.
Jen,
There’s a body of research out there on the very thing you mention. I will have to look for it but I read it during the years I was researching about cross generational relationships. I know Barna has a plethora amount of statistics on parents’ technology use and children’s reactions. Surprisingly, that was not part of Haidt’s main argument.