The Intangibles of Life: Nearly A Century of Lessons from My Great-Grandfather
Ralph Veenema came to the United States in the early 1900s.
He didn’t know any English when he left the Netherlands and arrived in America. He was a young, 17-year-old blacksmith who moved into a Dutch enclave in northern New Jersey.
He and another young Dutch immigrant blacksmith bought their shop together a couple of years later. Eventually, my great-grandfather Ralph got a degree in mechanical engineering, and he and his business partner, Ernst Weigers, became pioneers in building specialty truck bodies and trailers. I guess that was a reasonable career progression from blacksmithing during the twentieth century.
I remember attending Pop-pop’s 90th birthday party when I was a very young child. I especially remember his heavy Dutch accent and that he always smelled like his pipe (though I hate cigarettes, the smell of a pipe always reminds me of my great-grandfather). He lived for a few more years after that party.
I have always been proud of his courage and industriousness, and amazed at the changes he saw in the world during his lifetime. Amazed, that is, until I think about the changes my grandmother saw during her lifetime.
My grandmother, Voge Veenema, outlived my grandfather (Ralph’s son) by about 35 years. She was learning a little about computers when she died in her early 90s, about 12 years ago. Assuming she was born around 1920 (I’d have to check), that means she went from the early days of radio and TV to the sending of people and satellites into space, all of that leading to the rise of the internet and smartphones.
These technological advances fundamentally changed how people communicate, work, and live.
I couldn’t help but think of my long-lived great-grandfather and grandmother while I was reading The 100-Year Life by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott. In this book, they discuss the pace of change during a long life, and the need to plan for greater longevity every year.
But the part of the book that really stood out to me was the section on three categories of “Intangibles”:
- Productive assets
- Vitality assets
- Transformational assets [1]
Productive Assets
The authors describe education and knowledge as productive assets. But “it turns out that how we acquire knowledge and how productive we are depends very much on others. Making knowledge productive is, in other words, a team game.” [2]
Pop-pop’s knowledge and skills, combined with those of his business partner, resulted in a successful truck-building company. Reputation is another intangible productive asset. Their company, V&W Trucking, was so important to the war effort, it kept the two men stateside during WWII.
Although technology is the most obvious external change over a long life, I’m far more interested in how such technological transformation changes our relationships and other intangibles. So let’s look at the next category.
Vitality Assets
Moving away from my family story, the second set of intangibles are vitality assets. These include fitness and health, balanced living, and regenerative friendships.
Together, these vitality assets help reduce stress, a primary goal of my NPO project. The authors write, “Whether it is the Harvard longitudinal study… or studies of communities of people who enjoy vitality into their old age, they all inevitably show the same phenomenon–people who are well connected to others are more vital, energetic and positive than those who are isolated.” [3]
In my coaching certification course this week, our instructor, psychologist Yaseen Dadabhay, shared about the Lover archetype from Jung:
“It’s all about the glorious experience of a deep emotional connection to another person. It’s a fundamental part of humanity, that we connect deeply with another person. The archetypal energy of the Lover [within all of us] is more primal than an expression of sexuality. It’s a deep, deep emotionally connected relationship. But that relationship must also be one of a glorious experience. First with one other human being, then with others as well.” [4]
In their book, Burnout; the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski describe the importance of authentic connection:
Two-person neuroscience (2PN) is brand new and researchers are still trying to establish the most valid and effective ways to measure, in the brain, the experience of connected synchrony, but so far the results are astonishing. When people watch a movie together, their brains’ emotional responses synchronize, even if they’re strangers. Simply sharing physical space with someone–mere co-presence–can be enough to synchronize heartbeats. We automatically mirror the facial expression of the person we’re talking to and experience the emotion that goes with those expressions… [5]
The Nagoskis explain that “social connections fuel your body just as eating nutritious foods and taking deep breaths do,” creating a “Bubble of Love.” [6] This Bubble has two critical components:
1) Trust. Trust is based on a combination of authenticity and vulnerability. “When the people in our Bubble can turn with kindness and compassion toward our difficult emotions, and we can do the same for them, it strengthens the Bubble like nothing else.” [7]
2) Connected Knowing. In contrast to separated knowing “when you separate an idea from its context and assess it in terms of some externally imposed rules,” [8] connected knowing “is careful, effortful, often slow, and intensely rational, meaning it follows predictable patterns and progression. It integrates emotion… is imaginative… and is a way to connect with and understand our own internal experience and develop our own identities.” [9]
The Nagoskis wrap up this section of their book with this: “When we share trust, authenticity, and connected knowing with someone, we change, and it’s scary and good and important. We come to know certain people, the right people, as intimately as we know ourselves, and, in coming to know them, we come to know ourselves in new and deeper ways.” [10]
Transformational Assets
And this sentiment moves right into the third category of intangibles: transformational assets. These assets “help increase the success of transition and reduce the uncertainty and costs of change.” [11]
Transformational assets include self-knowledge and diverse networks, which both contribute to self-identity.
Gratton and Scott write, “Self-knowledge is needed to plot a path through change and transitions and, above all, to provide a sense of identity… building a life narrative that had coherence. To shape this, there has to be both continuity (what is it about me that remains the same) and causality (what is it that has happened to me that explains the change).” [12]
They add, “Since your identity is fundamentally embedded in relationships and friendships, as you begin to make a transition you inevitably begin to shift connections” [13] which allows you to connect to new people and new networks.
These assets are all critical components of my NPO project about healing and preventing overwhelm, stress, and burnout, especially from a Christian perspective.
Applying a Christian Lens
As I look at all of this through the lens of Christ, a few things stand out:
1. Over the course of a long life and after a major move, my great-grandfather was able to gain new knowledge and skills to begin anew in work because of his connections and network: he was ensconced in a community of like-minded people, regenerative friendships. Sometimes that’s what we need to realize our God-given potential.
2. My grandmother never chose to invest her time and energy in learning new technology, but that didn’t matter. Over the course of her long life, new technologies dramatically, if incrementally, changed her world in ways she hardly even considered. The same is happening to each of us today.
I’ll add that financially, Voge was ultimately dependent on family members to survive. Gratton and Scott don’t address the fifth of the Ten Commandments in their book (“honor your parents…”), but they do address that a longer life will require financing in new and creative ways.
3. Deep, glorious connection with another vulnerable human being–that “Bubble of Love,” based on trust and being known–is a critical component of reducing stress. We know this because that is how Jesus made disciples and taught us how to do the same.
4. “The experience of connected synchrony” describes attachment. This is not only how we are gloriously connected with–and attached to–other humans, but also with and to God. It is only through attachment to God that we can grow in intimacy with the One who created us.
Two of many passages that describe this attachment: “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you…” James 4:8. And “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27.
5. Self-knowledge is critically necessary for effective leadership and ongoing spiritual formation. St. Augustine, John Calvin, and others have all shared the idea that “To know God we must know ourselves; to know ourselves, we must know God.”
I think especially of Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” And James 4:10: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.”
6. Finally (for today!), the idea that we gain our self-identity from others is foundational to personal and spiritual growth and formation. In their book, The Other Half of Church, Jim Wilder and Michel Hendricks write, “In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus delivers a heavy dose of group identity for a chosen, royal, holy, special people. He answers the questions: What kind of people are we? How do we act as members of God’s kingdom on earth?” [14]
And there are many instances in scripture where we are reminded that our identity is first and foremost in Christ: “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17).
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To sum this up, we can now see the impact played by “the intangibles”—such as productive, vitality, and transformational assets—in personal and spiritual growth, and in navigating life’s changes. The long life of my great-grandfather Ralph Veenema illustrates many of these concepts.
As seen through a Christian lens–which would have delighted him–we can also see how community, knowledge, and deep connections contribute to resilience and identity in Christ, fostering a fulfilling life.
1) Gratton, Lynda and Andrew Scott, The 100-Year Life: Living and Working in an Age of Longevity (London: Bloomsbury Publishing, 2020), 71-72.
2) Gratton, 77.
3) Gratton, 85.
4) Yaseen Dadabhay, private course, Oct. 7, 2024.
5) Nagoski, Emily and Amelia Nagoski, Burnout; the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (New York: Ballantine Books, 2020), 136.
6) Nagoski, 141.
7) Nagoski, 144.
8) Nagoski, 144.
9) Nagoski, 146.
10) Nagoski, 151.
11) Gratton, 90.
12) Gratton, 94.
13) Gratton, 95.
14) Wilder, Jim, and Michel Hendricks, The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2020), 112.
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.9 responses to “The Intangibles of Life: Nearly A Century of Lessons from My Great-Grandfather”
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Debbie. Gosh, great blog! I love the stories of the heroes of previous generations who made our current reality possible. Imagine moving to a country where you not only don’t know the culture but don’t speak the language? Based on your thoughts, how can individuals intentionally cultivate transformational assets like self-knowledge and diverse networks while staying anchored in faith to navigate the inevitable changes and transitions of a long life?
Thank you Glyn! I know, moving to a country where you don’t speak the language is kind of frightening in many ways. But sometimes you just do what you know you have to do.
Transformational assets like self-knowledge and diverse networks require discipline and intention. They sometimes require a mentor – or at least one or two spiritual friends – to encourage you, keep you accountable, and keep you focused on God and God’s ways.
I firmly believe that without such networks – and the discipline, honesty, and vulnerability required for self-knowledge – it is challenging to stay rooted in Christ when change is “forced” on you. And let’s face it; we all face “forced” change from time to time in life. It’s these assets that will help us get through the times of uncertainty and challenge.
Hi Debbie,
What a comprehensive post. You may want to check out Jennifer Vernham’s posts in DLGP02. You both share a deep understanding of the material. You both also write so well! I enjoyed you bringing in the Nagoskis’.
As the dumbest kid in the class I rely heavily on the book reviews of my peers. And I have decided to peek into DLGP03’s pool of smart folk.
From my post epilogue.
We were warned about leaving food out and leaving food out with small children. The quiet Slovak hills were loaded with bears who wandered into the campsite looking for snacks (little kids included). Apparently, old men with coffee cups (although I discovered bears love the smell of coffee) are less tasty. The quiet of the Kalacno forest surrounding our soccer field (substitute for a baseball field) was quiet, calming and I felt at peace with the world. Soon 200 children and staff would emerge in organized laughter and chaos, but this moment was mine.
Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder | Mar 18, 2016, speaks to my return to Eastern Europe this summer. Chaotic baseball and soccer drills, games, and bad camp food were knocking on my mental and spiritual door. The following I week I would be in Ukraine, then Hungary (the place of 26 years of missions’ work).
I was happy.
I also rediscovered my joy and perhaps my next stage of life’s GOD purpose – GoodSports Director for Ukraine and straight out of left field, GoodSports Kenya.
Apparently, at 65, God is not finished with me yet.
Let the games begin!
Shalom…
Russell, hello, and what a nice surprise! Thank you for your reading and your comments. I will definitely check out some of your posts, and Jennifer’s, as you suggest, and some others as well. Thanks for that tip, and the tip about 8 responses. Yes, we figured it out at some point last spring. 😉
Your comments from your previous post are a delight to read. At 61 I’m glad God isn’t finished with you yet (at 65), because it means maybe God isn’t finished with me yet either! I am sorry we didn’t get much opportunity to dive more deeply into each other’s lives, purpose, direction, and connection to God. I know I would have appreciated that. If you are interested in having a one-on-one at some point in the next month or so, please reach out to me at dowen23@georgefox.edu. I’d like to find out a bit more about where you and God are heading.
Shalom. 🙂
Oh, and I love RARE Leadership. I’ve been following Jim Wilder for a few years; great stuff!
Thanks for a great post Debbie! I’m thinking about your post in regards to this idea of “embodied leadership” that we’ve been discussing since D.C. Has does 2PN and other elements you mentioned in your post reinforce this practice of embodied leadership?
Thanks for your question Ryan, about embodied leadership. It comes down to our connections to each other.
Psychiatrist Curt Thompson defines the mind as “an embodied and relational process that emerges from within and between brains whose function is to regulate the flow of energy and information.”
Energy sometimes has words attached to it, but more often, doesn’t. So our minds are connected – or not – depending on which part of the brain we are paying attention to.
The left hemisphere is, as you’ve probably heard, linear, organized, and slow. The right is the “wordless,” more emotion-based part of the brain. Yaseen also told us in class that we can learn to pay more attention to the right brain.
This is a fascinating idea. It means we must lean into what the right brain “knows” without any words. It’s a more holistic way of “knowing”; it’s non-linear. “Connected synchrony” is certainly part of this way of knowing another person.
That being said, the “Bubble of Love” relies on both trust (which relies on a combination of authenticity and vulnerability) and connected knowing… which we are learning is a right-brain activity. “It integrates emotion… is imaginative… and is a way to connect with and understand our own internal experience and develop our own identities,” as I wrote in the post.
What does that have to do with “embodied leadership”? Everything.
Although our connections with each other happen at the implicit mind level, we have no choice but to demonstrate those connections at the explicit level, with our bodies.
As leaders we must practice and “master” (as much as possible) the ability to read other people’s emotions, their unspoken feelings and thoughts, their unconscious motivations. We can tell these, in part, by their body language, facial expressions, subtle gestures, and almost-voiced words.
I know I have a long way to go on this when it comes to leadership. I’m a little better in close, interpersonal relationships. I aspire to be the kind of human being – in all situations – that makes people feel comfortable being open and honest because they know I already “know” them and I know they are a beloved child of God, first and foremost.
Yes… I have a long way to go to make this my automatic, go-to reaction all the time!
Before I forget, did anyone tell you class that you have to do 8 responses to your classmates to get an A? Jen McNab keeps track and gives the number to Dr. Clark. I am not sure when we figured this out. But please let your class mates know.
Shalom…
Hi Debbie, I really appreciated reading about your great-grandfather. Thank you for sharing his story. I thought you did a great job highlighting Scott and Gratton’s intangible assets. In the book, I enjoyed the graphs that showed the change in tangible and intangible assets throughout our lives. In what ways have you seen intangible assets change in your own life? Thanks again for this great post.