Courage Dear Heart
“What, if anything, about the way people are leading today needs to change in order for leaders to be successful in a complex, rapidly changing environment where we’re faced with seemingly intractable challenges and an insatiable demand for innovation?”[1] This was the question Brene Brown and her researchers started with when conducting interviews with senior leaders. As I listened to her poise the question (audiobook), I immediately answered out loud, “Courage!” I mean, “changing environment?” “Intractable challenges?” “Insatiable demand for innovation?” For someone with a propensity for safety, responsibility, and let’s be honest, control, these words breed fear.
Here’s the thing though…I was correct!
Brown writes, “There was one answer across the interviews: We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures.”[2]
It’s one thing to study leadership. It’s another thing to actually lead people.[3] I think this often when I sit at the head of the table spouting off my ideas only to be met with looks of “What the heck?” by the very people I thought would appreciate my creativity. “How do I bring them along?” I inwardly panic. “Maybe my ideas aren’t that great? Maybe I’m not cut out for this? I should probably just quit.” Much like Brown in a meeting with her team, I silently spiral into fear and in the past might have “armored up.”[4]
Syntopical Learnings
What I am learning through this doctoral program as well as through coaching and counseling is to sit with my fear and to give space for what is appearing as discomfort, discontent, misunderstanding, in those I am leading. My counselor calls it “attunement.” My coach calls it “active listening.” We, in this program often refer to it as Friedman taught us, “being a non-anxious presence”[5] or as Simon Walker put it, “leading out of who we are” and “being undefended.”[6] It takes waiting for the reaction to settle into response, or as Kahneman and Agarwal have noted, waiting for System 2 thinking to take over from System 1.[7]
We’ve read a million books over the last year and a half on leadership and each author has given the same but slightly different definition of leadership. For example, Northouse’s definition of leadership is: “a process whereby an individual influences a group of individuals to achieve a common goal.”[8] Kleon wrote that leadership is often “faking it ‘til we make it.”[9] Beerel notes, “Leadership is about moving people to new places.”[10] Brown defines a leader as “anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.”[11] However, Joseph Campbell’s lesson on leadership as Brown states it in Dare to Lead, resonates deeply with me, “when you find the courage to enter the cave (of your fear), you’re never going in to secure your own treasure or your own wealth; you face your fears to find the power and wisdom to serve others.”[12]
In Woodward’s book, The Scandal of Leadership, he used Philippians 2 to illustrate how Jesus, who was God, used leadership to serve us. Instead of using his position for power over, he used his position for suffering with, for love, for serving.[13] Digging deep into “vulnerability,”[14] Jesus fully shared in our human experience – and in doing so, showed empathy and built trust. His is the example of leadership we would all do well to follow. “To love is to be vulnerable.”[15]
Back to Courage
But back to courage in this “rapidly changing environment where we’re faced with seemingly intractable challenges and an insatiable demand for innovation.” Brown challenges the common misconception that courage is solely about heroic acts or fearlessness (thank goodness because I’d never qualify), instead framing it as a willingness to show up, be vulnerable, and take risks despite uncertainty or discomfort. Brown asserts that courage is not an inherent trait possessed by only a select few, but rather a skill that can be cultivated and developed over time. The four skills being, learning to “rumble with vulnerability, living into our values, braving trust, and learning to rise.”[16]
I don’t have word space to go into all of these skills but I am grateful for this doctoral program and for the ways it is teaching me these skills, cultivating courage in me so that I might dare to lead. (Please note: I am feeling pretty proud of how I worked the title of Brene Brown’s book into my last sentence.)
[1] Brene Brown, Dare to Lead Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts, Random House, New York, 2018, 22.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid, 73.
[4] Ibid, 74.
[5] Edwin H. Friedman, and Peter Steinke. 2017. A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th Anniversary edition. New York: Church Publishing.
[6] Simon Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership, Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2007, 103.
[7] Pragya Agarwal, Sway: Unraveling unconscious Bias, London, UK: Bloomsbury Sigma, 2020 and Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow. 1st edition. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2011.
[8] Peter G. Northouse, Leadership: Theory and Practice (London: Sage Publications, 2010) 3.
[9] Kleon, Austin. 2012. Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative. 1st edition. Workman Publishing Company.
[10] Annabel Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, 1st ed. Milton: Taylor & Francis Group, 2021, 112.
[11] Brene Brown, Dare to Lead Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts, Random House, New York, 2018, 19.
[12] Ibid, 82.
[13] J.R. Woodard, The Scandal of Leadership, 100 Movements Publishing, 2023, 475.
[14] Brene Brown, Dare to Lead Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts, Random House, New York, 2018, 35.
[15] Ibid, 38.
[16] Ibid, 27.
About the Author
Kally Elliott
Mom of four. Wanna-be Broadway star. PC(USA) pastor. Wife. Friend. Sometimes a hot mess. Sometimes somewhat together. Is this supposed to be a professional bio?16 responses to “Courage Dear Heart”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Hi, Kally,
I enjoyed your syntopical gathering of our leadership sources. I just may cite you in my paper 🙂
I also was impacted by the phrase: “What I am learning through this doctoral program as well as through coaching and counseling is to sit with my fear and to give space for what is appearing as discomfort, discontent, misunderstanding, in those I am leading.” That has definitely described this semester. Sitting with what challenges us and our biases and asking the Lord to give insight. I will be glad, though, to give my mind a bit of a break this summer. Have a great week~!
Hi Esther! I am trying to learn to turn toward the fear and the discomfort instead of just moving past. I’m still trying to figure out what that looks like in a church committee setting, how to hold space for the fear or discomfort of some when not all feel it, how to continue to get the tasks completed while also giving space for fear and discomfort, etc.
Wow, that was a masterpiece of syntopicality.
So good to be able to read your processing, Kally. Keep leading with courage because you have something important to contribute.
See you in DC.
Ha! The syntopicality was due to my rising panic of not having started the paper! I was beginning to gather sources for the paper when writing this blog post.
Hi Kally,
I took much from this last post. Why are you being so dynamic at the end of the semester – sigh – I am just burned out!
You wrote, “How do I bring them along?” I have this struggle right now with my international board for projects in Ukraine. How do I bring the U.S. board, and the boards/directors in Hungary and Slovakia into this endeavor….especially when both Hungary, Slovakia have elected anti Ukrainian stances?
My response is to lead by example and to work in Ukraine this July. Will they follow my lead? I don’t know.
But wait there’s more! You wrote, “It takes waiting for the reaction to settle into response, or as Kahneman and Agarwal have noted, waiting for System 2 thinking to take over from System 1.[7]”
Good Grief…I have been trying to replace reaction with response, but OBVIOUSLY we first have a reaction (it is inevitable) BUT creating space for a handoff between reaction and response is so much more healthy and can I say it?….WISE.
Thanks for launching me into the summer.
Shalom…
Thank you Russell! My 80 something year old secretary at one of the churches I pastored in Long Island would always tell me that I need to “bring them along” when referring to new ideas I had for the congregation. She meant slowing down so that I could preach, talk, meet with folks about, whatever change I was introducing. In other words, let them move toward the idea I was proposing rather than me dragging them to it. It was the wisest advice I have received – and I still don’t always do it well.
Beautiful post! You quoted Brown saying, “To love is to be vulnerable.” That quote took me back to the first time I read Dare to Lead, actually I should say listened to the audiobook. I remember hearing her say something similar: “Vulnerability isn’t just the center of hard emotions. It’s the center of all emotions.” If I recall, her point was that if we “armor up” and avoid vulnerability we actually end up pushing away intimacy and all the beautiful things that come with real relationships. That has stuck with me ever since.
I am working on not armoring up in several of my relationships so that I can experience intimacy and all the beautiful (and sometimes hard) things that come with real relationships! Thanks Kim!
What a 105% post!!! So much reflection!!! Thank you for sharing!
I, too, resonated with the quote: “when you find the courage to enter the cave (of your fear), you’re never going in to secure your own treasure or your own wealth; you face your fears to find the power and wisdom to serve others.”
Back to the cave to emerge with courage and wisdom to serve in all of our contexts.
Yeah, that quote really struck me. I face my fear not for my own sake (though I do grow in confidence when facing a fear!) but so that I can better serve others. I’m going to think about that one for a long time.
Hi Kally,
I enjoyed your post. I also appreciated the Joseph Campbell quote, “…when you find the courage to enter the cave (of your fear), you’re never going in to secure your own treasure or your own wealth; you face your fears to find the power and wisdom to serve others.” Somehow the reality that leadership or my NPO is not about me, that it is for others, makes things a bit less scary. The other empowering idea is that leadership is “with” people. We’re bringing others along with us. I feel the courage of the “with” in our cohort as we move forward into our final year. We’re going to make it! Have a great summer!
Thanks for pointing out that leadership is WITH people. That is helpful. I also appreciate you lifting up that our leadership is not about us – but for others. As an enneagram 6 who moves to 3 in stress, I can easily make leadership about me. If I can remember that leadership is about others, not me, that will maybe help me to let go of some ego. Thanks Jenny.
mmmm, I see the beginnings of your synoptical essay! Thank you for making all those leadership connections!
I love that you brought out Brene’s definition of Leadership: Brown defines a leader as “anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.” I resonate with this style of leadership so much. Thanks Kally for your brilliant insights!
Jana, one of the things I hope I do well at church and in other places is to see the potential – or at least the desire for potential – in people and let them try. For example if someone comes to me with an idea I try to equip them to see their idea through (sometimes – I mean, sometimes people have stupid ideas, right?) Or, sometimes if I hear someone is good at something I will ask them if they want to lead a class or a group on that topic. I don’t know – I think I try to keep in mind that the church is not about the pastors but IS the people.
Kally,
I loved this post… no surprise, I love your writing style. I am really impressed at how you brought so many of our readings into this post. But Sis, I must strongly agree with something that you wrote. You said, “We’ve read a million books over the last year and a half on leadership and each author has given the same but slightly different definition of leadership.” No Kally, we have read 2 million books over the last year. ; )
I am grateful for your voice…looking forward to seeing you in DC.
Oh! That was a typo! I meant 1 TRILLION! 🙂