Unlocking Brain Power for a Flourishing Life
I was at a loss. At an impasse, actually.
I had read most of David Rock’s Your Brain at Work over the last couple of days. I could see lots of connections to my NPO project. But when it came to starting a blog article with a story about this book I was stuck.
When I got up yesterday morning, after some unexpected scheduling shifts, I got into the shower later than usual and stood there letting the water run over my head with my eyes shut. I started thinking about all the things I needed to get done during the day. I was going to do task B first because it would take a long time and it was essential to get it done right away.
But then I realized that task A, writing this article, also had an urgent deadline. So without at first realizing I was doing it, I set some priorities before my brain got too tired; I decided to focus on getting this article done first. (Since, as you’ll notice, I didn’t get this posted yesterday, I had to reassess my priorities throughout the day.)
I was still at an impasse though so I thought, “Maybe I should use some of the strategies in the book to help me get started on this new blog article.”
So I relaxed my body, took a couple of slow breaths, noticed the feeling of the warm water on my skin, and unfocused my mind from the task at hand. Suddenly, the impasse disappeared! And I ended up with the start of the article you are reading right now. My conclusion? This stuff works.
I found that I could inhibit old stories and patterns to allow a new insight to get me started. If, as David Rock suggests, I take most of the actors “off the stage”, the important information can become clearer. Not only that, but the creeping anxiety about my long to-do list was blocking my creativity. When I relaxed and allowed information from all my senses onto the stage, creativity returned. It helped me make connections from the information in Rock’s book to my NPO.
My NPO is about how self-awareness is a critical aspect of human flourishing. The opposite of flourishing–feeling overwhelmed, overly-busy (hmmm… I think I see someone like me waving in the mirror), and burned out–is more than just frustrating. Feeling overwhelmed and burned out in one area of life affects every other aspect of life. Illustrating the difference it makes to feel like you are flourishing/happy vs. burned out, Rock writes, “Happy people perceive a wider range of data, solve more problems, and come up with more new ideas for actions to take in a situation.” [1] This is just the beginning of why it is important to aim for a flourishing life.
So how does one move from feeling burned out to feeling happy? Even better, how does one move toward living a truly flourishing life?
The Flourishing Life
While each individual’s situation and context are unique, there are some common elements that contribute to whether one is flourishing or languishing. One of the greatest contributors to burnout is trying to meet other people’s expectations. Often these expectations concern how available you are and how quickly you respond to other people’s inquiries. In Rest in the Storm, Kirk Byron Jones points out that we can imitate Jesus. “He always seemed to be in control of the pace of his response to life. He seemed to have a spiritual speedometer inside of him that did not allow him to move at a frantic, rash speed. He moved with deliberation and passion, which was all too apparent even in the most demanding of situations.” [2] Jones uses the examples of Jesus sleeping in the boat during the storm and getting to dying Lazarus on his own time schedule. There are many things in life over which we have no control. Slowing the pace of our responses can help reduce people’s expectations and the stress we feel when we don’t meet them immediately.
Rock explains, “Expectations are also central in the creation of upward and downward spirals in the brain. They can take you to the peak of performance, or to the depths of despair. Maintaining the right expectations in life may be central for maintaining a general feeling of happiness and well-being.” [3] Whether it’s other people’s expectations of you, or your own of yourself, managing how you respond to expectations can be life-changing.
Rock also talks about the importance of paying attention to your “director” which he says is related to the idea of mindfulness (“the idea of living ‘in the present,’ of being aware of experience as it occurs in real time, and accepting what you see” [4]). He adds, “Knowledge of your brain is one thing, but you also need to be aware of what your brain is doing at any moment for any knowledge to be useful… The awareness of signals coming from inside of you…[is called] interoception.” [5] Rock recommends learning to pay attention to your director because it has “sensory information about your ‘self’: information about your thoughts and feelings, emotions, and internal states.” [6]
This is exactly the sort of thing I’m working on in my NPO. I believe that to live a flourishing life, you need to become adept at noticing your inner world–your thoughts and feelings–so you can intentionally choose how you interact with people around you, and respond calmly to potentially stressful situations. Too many people coast or float through life, completely unaware that they have the freedom to affect their happiness simply by becoming aware of their inner world.
Moving out of enemy mode when status is threatened
One of the most eye-opening examples of this is described in Jim Wilder’s book, Escaping Enemy Mode. “According to their founder, Christians should be distinguished by their ability and eagerness to form good relationships with people who act like enemies. ‘Love your enemies,’ Jesus said”… Enemy mode produces relational blindness and keeps us from seeing people as fellow humans with value.” [7]
Wilder explains that enemy mode is when we react to another person, unconsciously thinking of them as a threat. We don’t feel a relational connection to the other person. It’s as if they are an “it”, not even a fellow human. “An uneasy tension develops when relational connection signals are being missed, ignored, mistrusted, or feared… Enemy mode starts with the feeling that someone is not on our side.” [8] Rock reflects this same idea in the SCARF model for change with the S – people’s fears about the threat of losing status[9]. Combining these concepts from these two authors it becomes clear that as leaders–as human beings on planet Earth–we need to slow down before our brains perceive the threat that someone else is an enemy, trying to take a higher status.
When we recognize the Self through our Director we can stop, breathe, and slow down. We can remember that the other person is not an enemy. By paying attention to our inner world and using some of the brain-based strategies Rock, Wilder, Dan Siegel, Martin Seligman, and others recommend, we can “make our brain’s processes more explicit and, as a result, gain more veto power over dealing with too much information, too many demands on our time, [and] too many distractions.” [10]
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1 – David Rock, Your Brain at Work; Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. (New York: Harper Business, 2020), 148.
2 – Kirk Byron Jones, Rest in the Storm; Self-care Strategies for Clergy and Other Caregivers. (Valley Forge, PA: Judson Press, 2021), 52.
3 – Rock, 141.
4 – Rock, 89-90.
5 – Rock, 90.
6 – Rock, 95.
7 – Jim Wilder and Ray Woolridge, Escaping Enemy Mode; How Our Brains Unite or Divide Us. (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2022), 23.
8 – Wilder, 48-49.
9 – Rock, 198.
10 – Rock, 56.
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.10 responses to “Unlocking Brain Power for a Flourishing Life”
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Hi Debbie, I like how you were able to connect the strategies in the book to your NPO. Do you see anything that Rock talked about that might not resonate with your NPO or other things he might not have touched that you think are a must?
Hi Diane, yes, Rock doesn’t include the faith perspective. I believe it is essential for us to understand that in order to flourish fully, we must be in a spiritually forming relationship with God, our Creator. By being attached to God, we begin to know the mind of God better and better. As I state in the article, Jesus wants us to love our enemies. How do we do that unless our minds are being transformed to become more like Christ?
It is HUGELY helpful to understand how our brains work; I’m passionate about it. AND… we must employ that information to grow in attachment to God.
Hi Debbie! Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed how this week’s reading impacted you and you were able to share and utilize Rock’s work in real time. As you spoke of burnout, what other Rock’s strategies do you employ to keep from mentally burning out?
Thanks Daren. I didn’t get into it much, but I really like the SCARF model for improving communication and relationships. We get stressed out so easily by not understanding each other and by not putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. I think the SCARF model helps with that a great deal. I’ll definitely be sharing that with people in the future and using it myself! (Can’t wait to share it with my husband, actually. 😉 )
Debbie, this is a great post. I especially appreciate your discussion of “The Flourishing Life.” How do you see Rock’s ideas interplay with Freidman’s ideas in “A Failure of Nerve,” specifically his thoughts on being differentiated and a non-anxious presence?
Chad, that is a great question, one I was asking myself. True confession however: I am visiting our older son and his family for a few days. I grabbed a satchel full of books – over a dozen, I think – but didn’t grab that one to take along! I wished I’d had it with me.
That being said however, in general I can say that anxiety does NOT contribute to a flourishing life. It creates divisions between people (see “threatened status” or “enemy mode”). It prevents us from connecting with others at a deep level and helping each other get through challenges. And because of the tamping down of the PFC’s ability to be creative (all energy is flowing to releasing adrenaline in case we need to fight or run), it reduces our ability to solve problems.
So I see a differentiated leader as someone who knows their body, brain, and emotions are intricately interconnected. In fact, Dan Siegel has developed the Triangle of Well-being which is based on the brain (physical organ), relationships, and the mind (the energy flow between two brains in a relationship). An Integrated Leader is one who is self-aware about these relationships and can calm down the body’s chemical reactions by breathwork, prayer, and attention to the inner world.
Lots of connections. That’s just a start. 🙂
Hi Debbie, I loved this post for multiple reasons and will have to take a look at this book on the enemy mode. I know you spoke to your NPO a bit, and even in one of your responses but I’d love to hear more on how you see putting these insights into practice within your NPO and as support for your project?
Hi Debbie, I love your NPO and so appreciate your thoughts about flourishing. My organization’s vision is about fullness of life, believing that when leaders flourish they will help their churches flourish, and in turn, the church will help communities flourish.
You wrote about managing expectations as one of the keys to flourishing. How might we help leaders manage both their own expectations and the expectations of others?
Debbie, thank you for this thoughtful post. I am glad you overcame the impasse, and I agree entirely with you that self-awareness can lead to a flourishing life. I must admit I experienced a break-in at my house on Friday. Thankfully, the man was caught and arrested. However, I have been struggling with viewing this man and his family as humans. They feel like enemies. However, I really appreciate your thoughts on moving out of enemy mode. I needed to read this. What practical steps do you take when stuck in “enemy mode?”
Hi Debbie, thank you for your post. I appreciate your NPO on self-awareness. What was a point of self-awareness you experienced through this reading?