When Your Identity is Reduced to a 5-Digit Number – Mine? 61919
To all reading this, what would go through your mind if, prior to meeting someone for your first date, they sent you an email or a text that says, “Before we meet, there is something I need you to know. I am an ex-felon and served three years in the Nevada State Prison.”
I had to do that when I was dating. It was always a hard choice – do I wait until after we meet so they might give me a chance, but then if I wait for a few dates and tell them, will they wonder what else I am hiding? Or do I tell them right away so they can make a personal decision? I had a profile on Yahoo Personals back in the day, so this was a real concern. A few women that I told politely said no, they couldn’t go forward. I finally quit even trying and took my post down.
Then one evening, I came home from church and turned on my computer. Lo and behold, there was a “wink” from the beautiful half-Korean girl who said hello. (A wink was a free way to express interest in someone). I had to sit for a moment to decide if I wanted to spend another $20.00 to sign up again and answer this person. I liked what I read on her profile and pulled out my credit card. So, I faced my dilemma again – when do I tell her? I decided to tell her before we met. And what was Nancy’s response? “How have you changed?” and when I answered her, she came back and said, “Then it’s behind you; let’s move on.” The rest is history!
If I am reading everything correctly, Mounjks’s book The Identity Trap encourages the reader to understand and contemplate their own beliefs and biases about the identities of groups, individuals, and organizations. Take what they come up with—both the good and the bad—and try to re-engage people with an open mind and heart.
Mounjk writes: “In diversity trainings, for example, the focus has increasingly shifted from encouraging a form of mutual respect that aims for equal treatment to an awareness of the ever-present potential for implicit bias and microaggressions that encourages people to be highly aware of the specific identity markers of their interlocutor.”[1] That rang true to me. Heck, even I have biases around some of the felons I was in with. But most of them were good guys who got caught up in addictions or other family traumas and, truthfully, are not much different than most people we meet.
But oh, the stigma. I am not allowed to cross the Canadian border without applying for approval. I was embarrassed to check that box on a job application, leasing paperwork, or any other official documents for years. Many times, I have had to step back and politely smile when I am with a group of people who don’t know me, and they start saying terrible statements about people in prison and how they should get the worst of food or living conditions, and how they have nothing coming. It’s not always easy to bite my tongue, but I do.
What would happen if people didn’t automatically assume the worst about people who have served their time and paid their dues? I was one of the lucky ones. Sadly, first, I am white. Second, I had a great support group around me, and third I had skills that I could use to get work. Mounjk writes: “Groups that suffered the most extreme injustices in the past are especially likely to continue suffering from the most intractable disadvantages today.”[2]
For people who spent time in prison, here are the grim statistics: 44% of prisoners released in 2005 were arrested at least once during their first year after release. 34% were arrested during their third year after release, and 24% were arrested during their ninth year.[3] There are a variety of reasons for the recidivism rates that are high, but I can’t help thinking what it would be like if there weren’t automatic biases placed on their shoulders. What does it look like to embrace and welcome ex-felons back into society and give them a job and a chance? Mounjk writes: “True solidarity would have two elements: First, each of us would listen to members of other identity groups with an open mind, empathizing with the forms of oppression to which they may be subject. And second, each of us would strive to remedy genuine injustices, not out of a misguided sense of deference, but because they violate our own aspirations for the kind of society in which we want to live.”[4]
What a society it would be! Even in today’s highly political divide in the US, if we could try to find some common ground and understanding, we would be much better off. If society were willing to extend grace to ex-felons to get them out of the circle of poverty and despair because of their past, the recidivism rate would plummet, and families could be healed, which may create fewer incarcerations in the future.
By the way, that decision I made 18 years ago to spend the $20.00 to re-sign up for Yahoo Personals was the best $20.00 I had ever spent.
[1] Yascha Mounk, The Identity Trap: A Story of Ideas and Power in Our Time (New York: Penguin Press, 2023), 245.
[2] Ibid., 10
[3] US Department of Justice: 2018 Update on Prisoner Recidivism: A 9-Year Follow-up Period (2005-2014). https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/18upr9yfup0514.pdf
[4] Yascha Mounk, The Identity Trap: A Story of Ideas and Power in Our Time (New York: Penguin Press, 2023), 146
About the Author
Chris Blackman
16 responses to “When Your Identity is Reduced to a 5-Digit Number – Mine? 61919”
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Chris,
You took my comment! I was going to mention about the $20 spent. You also aged yourself a bit with the Yahoo personals. I still have a Yahoo account for all my junk emails but I know that it ages me quite a bit.
It is interesting that the book highlights the identities of people who have been oppressed and the “woke” liberals have tried to elevate their position in society. Yet, you speak of a segment of our society that nobody is really fighting for in regards to their level of oppression. I have never thought of the challenge it would be to have had an inmate number attached as part of one’s identity. Thanks for bringing this perspective.
Thanks for your reply Adam! And yes, I figured Yahoo would date me. lol.
You are correct, what happens after an inmate is released is not discussed, and honestly breaks my heart. I knew some good guys that openly admitted the day of their release, that because they had no family and no chance of getting a job, the first thing they would do is go to the dope man, and get some drugs to sell so they could get a cheap place to sleep and some food, The prison gives everyone $50.00 and a bus ticket back to a big city, and that is where it stops. There are organizations like the Salvation Army that will accept people, but the desire for freedom usually outweighs doing the right thing. It is a terrible circle.
Hi Chris, Thank you for sharing part of your story. I say part because those three years surely had an impact and that is only part of your story. I agree that stereotypes keep so many people from getting to know one another in a real way. How have your experiences changed how you see others who are different than you? P.S. I am so glad you and Nancy were courgeous enough to find each other.
Thanks, Diane, for your reply. Yes, there is lots to share about my three years. Some were good, some were bad, but overall, they were good for me aw crazy as that sounds.
Fortunately for me, my father who I wrote about a few weeks ago, was very involved for those in the margins, and taught me a lot about empathy and helping where needed. So, I already had a heart for people, but what my experience gave me was a personal knowledge of what they have to go through because I have been there. Street cred is I guess the best way to put that.
Thanks Chris! You ask such great questions:
What would happen if people didn’t automatically assume the worst about people who have served their time and paid their dues?”
and your response was spot on: “If society were willing to extend grace to ex-felons to get them out of the circle of poverty and despair because of their past, the recidivism rate would plummet, and families could be healed, which may create fewer incarcerations in the future.”
I think grace, our understanding, embracing and application of it is so huge! Thank you for the way you have shared your story and our modeling a way forward for so many!
wow! Thank you for the kind words Ryan. Here is the bottom line, which really ticks me off. Corrections is a HUGE profit center for the states and the Feds. They have no incentive to hope that people don’t come back. There is absolutely zero rehabilitation that I have ever seen. It is a very sad circle for those who get caught up in it. Shame on the people who run corrections.
Hi Chris,
Thank you for your openness and courage to share your story. What do you think would change in society if people were more willing to listen with an open mind and empathize with the experiences of ex-felons? How can individuals and communities work towards this kind of understanding and solidarity?
Thank you Shela, good questions. Even though I have lived it, there are still biases. As a business owner, would I hire someone who had a DUI and spent time in prison? After some hard questions, sure. Would I hire a man or woman who was arrested for a violent crime? I don’t know. There would have to be a lot of discernment, but there is also a responsibility to other employees.
Maybe this should have been my project 🙂 I honestly don’t know the answers to how communities can embrace those fresh out of prison. I will be thinking about this a lot! Thank you
Hi Chris, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story. I am probably not the best person to comment since I spend most of my time in prisons across 8 states, but:
1. There are some positive moves forward to help returning citizens, but in your view, across the U.S., what system or policy changes are we missing?
2. What tools do churches and Christian leaders need to help shift mindsets about people currently or formerly in prison from punitive to restorative?
(This is a cheat question because it relates to my NPO and I’d love to hear your thoughts).
I appreciate you and Nancy so much!
LOL Jennifer, looking forward to seeing what your project becomes! Thanks for the nice words.
Here are my thoughts on your first question. It needs to start at the root. The feds and states do a terrible job at rehabilitation. Why should each inmate not get extensive counseling while incarcerated? Why shouldn’t they dig deep on why they did what they did? Just simply spending 3 years playing spades and hoop and getting released back into society does no one any good and just increases the recidivism rates. Can you imagine what it would look like if a domestic violence abuser or a drug offender would look like after three or four years of intensive therapy? at least they would stand a chance because at the current rate, they will just do what they did before with no remorse,
As far as your second question, I bet a high majority of churches have at least one member who has spent time behind bars. Hopefully, they would be open to talking about it and being available to answer questions. Basically, humanizing the ex-felon. That would be a start – even if it is through a testimony. I also feel all churches should be going into juvenile halls, jails, and prisons. To be amongst them also humanizes them. They don’t have to have a giant program. Bring some food and just sit with the kids, men and women – talk and pray for them. Humanizing is everything; bringing snacks and food is a great way to pack the house.
Happy to chat with you anytime on all this!
Hi Chris, Thank you for sharing your story. Your comment hear about “at least one member” reminded me of something. During an outdoor church event in the summer of 2020 I looked around and noticed a pattern. Fully 1/3 (that I knew of) of the 100+ folks present had been incarcerated. Many had become part of the fellowship through the church’s partnership with recovery community. A few others became part of the faith family because someone in the church had befriended a wife or girlfriend of an incarcerated man. When the men came out, they, too, were embraced. Over the years many women have passed through because the church is located across the street from transitional housing. Some have stayed in the city and become permanent members of the community. You know how we talk about ‘representation’ in terms of seeing women or POC in places of leadership? Well, having face tatoos on the platform is another form of representation 🙂
I absolutely love it, Julie. Our old church in downtown LA used to say that being an ex-felon was a requirement to join. About one-third of the people in the church were also from the rescue missions. It’s one of the things that I loved about the church—it was real.
Something that people need to think about as well. There was a day that our church and a group of other churches went to a juvenile hall for Thanksgiving. I was sent to be with another church for their “small group” of youngsters. They all got up to talk to the kids, and the kids weren’t paying any attention – poking at each other and eating all the food. Then I got up and told my story. You could have heard a pin drop, and after, they all surrounded me, wanting to know more. The men and women who have street cred and have been there in your church are the key to helping others in the system find hope and strength. Like in an AA meeting, it’s great to hear how others who have walked before you made it. We all need that.
Thanks for your thoughts!!
Chris, thank you for sharing your story and inviting us to remember another identity often placed before all the rest for so many. As I read through the comments, it seems all my questions have been answered, so I just wanted to say thank you for posing such great questions in your post and for providing some thorough responses to others. Oh, and I LOVE how you began with the story of you and Nancy, indeed worth far more than the $20 😉
Thank you Akwése!! yes, I got off cheap with Nancy!! Money well spent! 🙂
Chris, the story of how you met Nancy made me smile. Thank you for sharing. I appreciated the way you worked out Mounk’s thoughts concerning the necessity of contemplating our own beliefs and biases about groups, individuals, and organizations. Most importantly, taking what we learn and (re)engaging people with an open mind and heart. I find the Holy Spirit is the only one who gives me a true, genuine open mind and heart to engage with people who can be hard to love.
I believe I have said this in a past comment, but your story is one of redemption. God used your past identity (61919) and is now molding you into Dr. Chris Blackman. I have so enjoyed learning more of your story.
What ways have you engaged in conversations regarding this bias of ex-cons and people who may be afraid to interact with them because of wrong assumptions?
Thank you Elysse,
LOL to see the actual words “Dr. Chris Blackman” was kind of a shock to me. That is the first time I have seen it in writing. Looking forward to that day!
To answer your question – I think the main way I have engaged is just by being open about it. I am no longer that person. I have done everything I can to change my life and pay attention to those red flags. I have no problems talking about my journey and at times, shock Nancy a little bit when I bring it up 🙂 On my first day in prison, the guard in the tower holding a rifle yelled down to me and asked my name. After I told him, he said “Boy, you look like you are here to play tennis”. I haven’t forgotten that. Not everyone in prison has face tattoos. There are a lot of people that look like me too. People need to realize we are just like they are, with the same dreams and ambitions. Sadly too many don’t have much chance and fall back into doing what they did before, and that breaks my heart.
Thank you for your reply