Rewriting Old Narratives
To be honest, I was struggling to sit down and do this first assignment. The mere thought of delving into reading and writing with the knowledge that public eyes and comments awaited me was paralyzing. Although imposter syndrome had been discussed by others, it wasn’t something I truly connected with until now.
That’s because when it comes to reading, writing, note-taking, and the like, I’ve often been labeled as “challenged” or slower than average. In elementary school, I attended “special classes” a couple of times each week with a small group of kids needing extra help developing these critical skills. Interestingly, I didn’t realize I had a problem until my early adolescence when the impact on my relationship with reading, note-taking, and writing essays became apparent.
In middle school, I adopted the story that I wasn’t a good reader or writer, leading to a dislike for both. Due to my earlier challenges, I read slowly and struggled with pronunciation. I remember being extremely anxious every time we’d read in class. I would jump a line or two ahead to work out the words and correct any glitches before it was my turn to read aloud. This adopted narrative soon solidified into a firm belief, shaping an identity I never questioned.
For years, I avoided anything related to reading and writing, despite a love for stories and a deep longing to share my voice. However, while in college I discovered I didn’t hate reading but that it was just I needed to find books that excited me. Once I did, I yearned to read as much as I could, yet was met with frustration at how long it would take me to read and write reflections. I decided to take a speed reading class.This was the first time I looked at reading as a skill that could be developed. While this class was a huge eye opener, I still had a long way to go, especially when it came to reading comprehension and writing.
Despite lots of opportunities to continue reading and writing, I was never truly taught how to read, take notes, or write. Most of my reading fell into the category of elementary reading. Despite skimming skills, I lacked a system for deeper understanding and content retention, which I aim to address in this doctoral program.
What I loved about “How to Read” was the invitation to return to the deeper why behind everything I read, using it to determine how best to read and what to read. Considering systematic skimming versus superficial reading when deciding if a book is worth deeper exploration was empowering as well, especially as I navigate overwhelm this semester.
Looking ahead, I’m eager to translate insights from this week’s materials into a “second-brain” system for capturing thoughts and making connections that are cohesive and revisitable. Previously my highlights and notes would be stored all over the place, making it nearly impossible to find and use them again efficiently or effectively.
While I know there will be a learning curve as I step into new ways of operating, I’m excited to commit to a digital “slip-box” system for this first semester, utilizing Obsidian and Readwise to enable me to organize my thoughts more clearly.
Overall, a big part of what attracted me to this program was that we would be taught how to think, read, and write like doctoral students. I hope to use the tools, support, and structure of this program to develop a written voice and establish an identity as a writer.
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Akwese
13 responses to “Rewriting Old Narratives”
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Akwése, It sounds to me that you are well ahead of the game. You came into this being extremely self aware and eager to overcome and continue to learn. What more can you ask for?
Part of the quote you pulled out, “the invitation to return to the deeper why behind everything I read, using it to determine how best to read and what to read,” seems like such a beautiful invitation for everyone. We are, in fact, drawn to what speaks to our spirits and souls, right? I think you will automatically know when you need to do more than skim as you go along.
May your road be easy,
May the light always be on,
showing you the right path to take as you learn more about yourself and subject matters you will encounter.
May you rise to the occasion, knowing that with each step you will overcome what others have said. Because they might not be you today.
Blessings to you 💜
Amen! Thanks Nancy <3
Akwese, What I am thinking sounds like a cliche but it feels true in your case, that which you work hardest for means the most in the end. I read your blog and think how hard you worked to get where you are today and am excited for your success. I am rooting for you and am excited that we are in a position to cheer each other along the journey.
Thanks Diane!
Hi Akwese, thanks for being so vulnerable here. I was a slow reader, and I have always known I don’t recall well. I have been wondering about this new way of reading, and I have to wonder if I was taught the tools that we are now learning and if I would have enjoyed reading more and retained more as a child. I don’t know, now, if it was important for me do slowly drudge through books and struggle to retain. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Hey Chris, thanks for sharing a bit of your journey as well. I certainly think if we were taught these things earlier it would help so many of us who struggle to read and retain. I also think it is important to ask ” why” because for me so much was tied up not actually in reading itself but in what society was taught to think about people who read slowly or have trouble with words. It was more about feeling slow or stupid or somehow not enough that led to me pulling away from reading in school however at home I was known to love books and stories. I’ve heard from other slow readers as well that it is not about being slow in itself but the label attached to it that impacted their feelings and behaviors the most. Not sure if that resonates with you but I’m not naturally motivated by things I feel I suck at or in which others express impatience toward me…
Hi, Akwese, thank you for the post. It so true that in this program, we will be taught how to think, read and write as you said. That is very encouraging and at the same time exciting. Thank you.
Akwese,
Thanks for a bit of insight into your early journey into this program. It does seem like this program really does teach us how to write, think and read like doctoral students. I appreciate that the “How to…” books were the first on the agenda with this class because as I look at the rest of the thick stack of books sitting next to me on the shelf is a bit daunting. You mentioned Obsidian which I am familiar with but I am not familiar with Readwise. Is that another note taking system?
Hey Adam! So Readwise wasn’t in our reading but as I did my own research into Obsidian and other notetaking supports this one popped up as a complimentary tool. It allows you to sync your Kindle/ Medium/AppleBook etc notes/highlights into Obsidian. I’m trying to see if there’s a good system for capturing insights from Audiobooks as well. So far it looks like Readwise can sync your “bookmarked” audiobooks from Audible if you happen to use that feature. I’m not too big on reading books online but I like the idea of having my highlights be automatically added into Obsidian with chapter and book details to make revisiting and building off of it easier. It’s amazing ( though also a bit overwhelming) just how many supports are out there! Let me know if you end up using it, as I’m still learning 🙂
A prayer for you, as you address overwhelm this semester:
Gracious God, please meet Akwése in moments of overwhelm, and surprise her with your peace.
In her scatteredness, bring clarity.
When fear of failure, or inadequacy, or past limitations become loud, would your affirmation, cheering and current enablement become louder still.
Lord, take our journeys. Make it a flourishing journey of life and learning, rooted in your overwhelming love.
Amen.
Amen!
Akwese, thank you for sharing some of your story. I appreciate the way you described the progression of your reading journey. With it starting as a label, to adopting the story, to where it solidified into a firm belief, but then eventually how all that was dispelled in college. Has your reflection on that journey has unearthed any other self-assumptions? What else might have begun as a label and is now running in the background as a belief?
Hey Chad! What else you ask? There is so much lol. I think that’s what being an adult is all about — unlearning the false truths we’ve learned from early on. This is the beautiful inner work we’re blessed to be able to do because we all carry so many unhelpful narratives and limiting beliefs about both ourselves and others that come out in ways we don’t even realize. However, once we recognize these beliefs and how they’re operating in our lives we can begin to rewrite them 🙂