Mesmerized by Memetics
“Do what I say and not what I do.” Ha! What child has ever taken this to heart by a parent who gives this instruction? We are sorely mistaken if we believe that a child or others will judge us by what we say and not by what we do. What we say and what we do must go together. J.R. Woodard’s book, The Scandal of Leadership has had my attention the past few days. This is not Woodard’s sole purpose in writing his book, but his goal is to “offer a more comprehensive missiological understanding of the problem of domineering leadership.” [1] Woodard proposes that healing needs to come in a leader’s life in three areas: identity (who she is), praxis (how she relates) and telo (what she values). In this blog, I will focus on a leader’s identity and how this is developed in infancy as theorized by D.W. Winnicott. I will also discuss how memetics impacts our biology and give a personal example of a mimetic opportunity that I will have with my family.
Holding: Infant developmental theory
Woodard lays a biblical basis for identity formation by answering these questions: ”How are we to develop our sense of identity? What does Jesus tell us about this? According to memetic theory, our sense of self is developed through “the other.” What is witnessed from others is captured and internalized, this includes phrases, ideas and traditions. “For Jesus, the other was an undistorted view of his Father.” [2] Conceptualizing the relationship that Jesus has with the Father is difficult for me to understand without witnessing this relationship with my own eyes. I believe God puts us in families to have a better understanding of how identity forms while in relationships between an infant, mother, and father, thus demonstrating how the Father and Jesus have a relationship with one another. The well-known child development psychologist D.W. Winnicott describes this early relationship: “The infant and the maternal care together form a unit.” [3] There is no separation between the two. An infant cannot live outside the care it receives. Winnicott describes parental care in three different stages:
Satisfactory parental care can be classified roughly into three overlapping stages:
- Holding,
- Mother and infant living together. Here the father’s function is not known to the infant.
- Father, Mother, and infant, all three living together. The term ‘holding’ is used here to denote not only the actual physical holding of the infant, but also the total environmental provision prior to the concept of living with. [4]
In this first stage of holding, parental care is where identity begins. A baby does not know who they are apart from their mother. How many times does a mother look into her baby’s face and a beautiful interchange takes place? As Ekman says, “The face is the key for understanding people’s emotional expression.” [5] This holding environment might also be referred to as a secure base. Safety and security best define this experience for the infant. Eventually an infant grows to differentiate. Winnicott states, “the infant ego eventually becomes free of the mother’s ego support, so that the infant achieves mental detachment from the mother, that is, differentiation into a separate personal self.” [6] Memetics’ powerful work is wrought in these early days of an infant’s life.
Meme, Mirror Neurons, & Ultimate model
This living and being with others is by design. “Our drive to imitate seems to be powerfully present at birth and never declines.” [7] We have a memetic way of being. So how did the term memetic originate? Richard Dawkins was a scientist who was “aware of the power of imitation in transmitting mannerisms, practices, ideas, and entire belief systems, and he coined the term “meme” in his famous book The Selfish Gene.” [8] Meme denotes that there is a “transmitting down the generations.” [9] This ability to imitate is in our biology. Marco Lacoboni in his book Mirroring People states that, “Mirror neurons are brain cells that seem specialized in understanding our existential condition and our involvement with others. They show that we are not alone but are biologically wired and evolutionarily designed to be deeply interconnected with one another.” [10] But are we completely subject to this involuntary transmission of beliefs, traditions, and patterns of relating? Woodard proposes that we can have an ultimate model in Jesus Christ. “Powers and imitation and desire eschew individualism and speak to the reality that we are relational creatures. Our ultimate model will determine the nature of our incarnational leadership.” [11] As a relational creature, I can relate to Christ and imitate him. This comes in witnessing believers who are filled with the Holy Spirit and are looking to God’s Word.
Bringing this concept home
While writing this blog, my family is getting prepared to spend a week at Newport Beach for the Thanksgiving holiday … yes, the Newport’s will be at Newport beach! In our great excitement and anticipation of being together, I have wanted to be intentional in leading by example in order to be memetically engaged with my family. I have chosen to do this by preparing a devotion for one of the mornings. I have asked my sister in law to join me in leading this. My sister-in-law asked me yesterday what my goal was in wanting to have this activity for the whole family. With tears, I shared…I want to be memetic! I am hoping that my example will communicate this message: “This is what we do as Newport’s. We prioritize the Word of God. This is who we are as Newport’s. We sit with the Word and reflect on what He has to share with us. Together we turn to the Word of God for instruction and encouragement.” The devotion will be on the different seasons in our lives. I hope in the far, far future one of my great grandchildren will be leading their family in a devotion some day. By the power of the Holy Spirit at work through memetics, I believe this will be so.
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[1] J.R. Woodward, The Scandal of Leadership: Unmasking the Powers of Domination in the Church, Las Vegas: Movements Publishing, 2023; p. xxxiii
[2] Ibid. p.231
[3] D.W. Winnicott, The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment, New York: Routledge, 2018; p.39
[4] Ibid. p.46
[5] Paul Ekman and Wallace V. Friesen, Unmasking the Face: Guide to Recognizing Emotions From Facial Expressions, Cambridge: Malor Books, 2003, p.7
[6] Ibid. p.41
[7] Marco Iacoboni, Mirroring People: The Science of Empathy and How We Connect with Others, New York: Picador, 2009; p.47
[8] Ibid. p.50
[9] Ibid. p.50
[10] Ibid. p.267
[11] Ibid. p.267
About the Author
Kristy Newport
7 responses to “Mesmerized by Memetics”
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Kristy,
I really enjoyed your post and reference to the overlapping stages. There is such power and healing in touch. It’s amazing that we are supposed to lay hands on people and pray for healing. Such a good post. Praying for positive outcome on the Newport vacation.
God Bless
Hi Greg!
Thank you for reading my blog!
Our family had a great time at the beach
The devotion time went well and it brought good discussion.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!!
Were all 10 kids home?
Hi Kristy,
Considering your intentional approach to being a memetic example during your family gathering, how do you envision this practice influencing not just the immediate family dynamic but also setting a precedent for future generations in understanding and living out their faith?
HI Deron,
Thank you for reading my blog!
I am not sure about how it will be passed down to the next generations (my faith, my example, rituals I value). But here is something that you could picture- Does your wife have anything sentimental/a gift that has been given to her by a family member? I am sure she will pass this down to one of your children and this will continue to be passed down.
an example for me is my mother’s dishes. My mother died 19 years ago. I have every dish that she owned…I can’t think of any of these dishes breaking. I will proudly pass on these dishes to my daughter. These dishes are not strictly a material gift. They represent hospitality/ the value of family gathering together/ and love for others. These are the things my mother taught me and I hope to teach my children. This might be symbolized by my mothers dishes. All of this…will be passed on to future generations.
Thx Deron for asking!
Kristy – I now have a different definition of meme to contemplate! Thank you for that – fascinating reading. My heart breaks for the children who do not experience the holding and positive memetics you describe. It makes me think about the creation story when Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden. They could learn from Him in all those sensory ways that we can no longer access because of the Fall. Yet Jesus provides a new way of defining identity through His life, death and resurrection. Do you think people can experience holding later in life through Spritual formation to develop that core security and identity in a different way?
Laura,
Thank you for reading my blog!
Great question! Yes! I do believe adults can experience healing from not being held. Here are a few concepts that I will not unpack but are common concepts in therapy:
1) Holding environment
2) Corrective emotional experience
3) Secure attachment
4) Emotional bonding
…there are other concepts related to safe/secure relationship having therapeutic results. It is the number one thing in therapy which promotes transformation in client.
I believe holding can take place in a spiritual way as well:
1) friend/small group of believers in a persons life
– consistent relationship based on Jesus
2) Scripture reading/meditating
3) Worship (music/singing songs)- entering into the presence of God
4) Spiritual direction
I am not going into lengthy discriptions as I believe these “holding” opportunities are familiar to you.
Great question you asked Lieberman today. I am curious what you liked most from what he shared today?
I found Lieberman’s discussion about the various “actors” that are active in our unconscious to be fascintating. I definitely want to learn more about that!