If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.[1]
One of the archetypes Daniel Lieberman highlights is the Journey. It’s true that as humans we connect deeply to this idea of an epic journey or even seeing life as a journey. This is evidenced by the sheer volume of vocabulary that exists to talk about this. Persistence. Perseverance. Grit. Resilience. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Keep on keeping on. And my personal favorite from the very philosophical Dory of Finding Nemo fame, just keep swimming.
The Journey is an enduring theme of human existence. It’s also a foundational virtue to us as Christians, usually called perseverance (because that sounds a lot more theological than “just keep swimming.”)
Hebrews 10:36 (NIV): “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
2 Thessalonians 3:13 (NIV): “And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.”
Romans 5:3-4 (NIV): “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
This theme continues in more recent Christian narrative, such as the famous Pilgrims’ Progress, the famous allegory written by John Bunyan. Even more modern, perhaps you have read A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson. He explains the Christian journey so beautifully when he says, “Perseverance does not mean ‘perfection.’ It means that we keep going. We do not quit when we find that we are not yet mature and there is a long journey still before us.”[2]
What can we learn from Daniel Lieberman in order to persevere and journey through this life well? His message is essentially an encouragement to integrate the conscious and the unconscious parts of our minds. In fact, he thinks this is so important that he says, “The unconscious is powerful and dangerous. We shouldn’t ignore it, but we shouldn’t uncritically embrace it or surrender to it, either. The goal is to find balance, to bring unconscious contents into consciousness in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the ego. Becoming whole is perhaps the most important thing we do in life.”[3] For Lieberman, an important part of this is to accept the darker parts of ourselves without judgement. Uncomfortable or scary as it may be, acknowledging our inner ugliness helps to remove its power over us. When we’re no longer wasting energy on suppressing those dark parts of ourselves, we actually have more energy to cooperate with the Holy Spirit and allow God to transform our character.
This brings to mind the work of Marc Alan Schelske in his excellent book, The Wisdom of Your Heart. He writes, “The starting point of understanding your emotions is to attend. Without judgment or the need to explain, you inventory what is apparently true of you. You might even ask the Holy Spirit to help you see accurately.”[4] This gentle invitation to self-awareness echoes the Psalmist who prays, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)
It is up to each individual to apply these principles. Lieberman suggests regular meditation as a practical step toward integrated the conscious and the unconscious. Contemplative prayer and, as best as I understand them, the Ignatian spiritual exercises seem to flow in the same direction. I’m curious to hear if you all have any tricks or practices that you use regularly to work toward integration.
On my own journey, I was recently given a wonderful nugget of wisdom that I’ve used over and over to attend without judgment. When something in my past comes to mind and evokes shame or regret, instead of beating myself up I gratefully acknowledge that I have grown and were I in the same situation today I would make a different choice. It may not seem like a radical difference, but for me it has been profound. As Lieberman describes personal growth, and I will conclude with this quote, “Although transcendence transforms our inner world, its outer effects may be minimal. There’s a Zen proverb that says, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” The modern version might be “do the dishes, drive to work,” but the point is clear. Many of the changes that occur will be invisible. Nevertheless, they may still be profound.”[5]
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[1] “Thomas Alva Edison,” Oxford Reference, accessed September 30, 2023, https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/acref/9780191826719.001.0001/q-oro-ed4-00003960.
[2] Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2021), 125.
[3] Daniel Lieberman, Spellbound (Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, 2022), Kindle location 1635.
[4] Marc Alan Schelske, The Wisdom of Your Heart (Eastbourne, England: David C Cook, 2017) 251.
[5] Daniel Lieberman, Spellbound (Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, 2022), Kindle location 3474.
About the Author
Kim Sanford
10 responses to “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again”
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Hi Kim,
As I read through the blogs many identify (not necessarily agreeing with) “His message is essentially an encouragement to integrate the conscious and the unconscious parts of our minds. In fact, he thinks this is so important that he says, “The unconscious is powerful and dangerous. We shouldn’t ignore it, but we shouldn’t uncritically embrace it or surrender to it, either. The goal is to find balance, to bring unconscious contents into consciousness in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the ego.”
For some reason I can’t shake the connection of the unconscious with the dark side, the suppressed side, the side of sin.
Of course I probably can’t equate consciousness with the bright side of my personality or the side of morally right.
I guess the word picture breaks down.
Sigh. I fear embracing my unconscious thoughts, potentially immature, potentially destructive , potentially belligerent and selfish.
I accept that I am a sinner and have sinned. But I choose Christ, I accept the tasks he has set before me. A long time ago I decided that the darkness that engulfed my life was not something that I wanted to hold on too. With the aid of the Helper, I pray that the stains of my darkness will be made as white as snow.
For me that is transcendence.
Shalom…
Kim,
I love the way our cohort’s blogs all have me thinking in so many directions. Your thought of a journey is a profound takeaway. You ask” What can we learn from Daniel Lieberman in order to persevere and journey through this life well?” For me, the whole idea of using our subconscious consciously to work for us is a very helpful insight. I remember Dr. Clark advising us to take breaks when we are stuck with writing and just think of something else. I assume this engages the subcounscious and releases the conscious to rest a bit, then suddenly the thinking is clearer. I am just amazed at how complex our minds are. What has been a takeaway for you?
Kim, you said, “I’m curious to hear if you all have any tricks or practices that you use regularly to work toward integration.” I think I’ve mentioned that I’ve enjoyed using Jonathan Gibson’s “Be Thou My Vision,” a daily liturgy for personal worship. Second, though I don’t do this often, I’ve found the Daily Examen (from Ignatian spirituality) to be a helpful tool for prayerfully processing the day’s events.
One other thing stood out in my mind from your post — You said Lieberman’s “message is essentially an encouragement to integrate the conscious and the unconscious parts of our minds.” I began to wonder what it might look like to develop a scorecard or series of questions someone could use/ask to help them see if they are indeed balancing or integrating the two as a part of their overall well-being.
I really like that idea of developing an inventory of “integratedness”. I’m not sure what exactly would go on it. Maybe questions about how self-critical one becomes when faced with one’s vices or inner ugliness? Maybe measures of reflective activities like meditation and contemplation? I think it would take a much deeper understanding of Lieberman than I currently have.
Just this last Sunday, I spoke on the topic of perseverance from 2 Peter 1 (add to your faith…perseverance).
Perseverance is the determination to do something despite difficulty or delay.
Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Or as Harley Davidson motorcycles famously says: “The journey IS the destination.”
And on the journey, we will undoubtedly make mistakes and course corrections. I love how you said, and I will now adopt this as my own:
“When something in my past comes to mind and evokes shame or regret, instead of beating myself up I gratefully acknowledge that I have grown and were I in the same situation today I would make a different choice.”
I don’t know if this is a tip or trick, but I resonated with Liberman’s assertion that we can learn so much about ourselves if we really understand what is underneath our responses to negative events. I have had a few of these negative experiences lately, and I think that call to slow down and dissect my reaction is really helpful.
You might enjoy the book I referenced by Marc Alan Schelske. He outlines a journaling process to help understand negative emotions / reactions. I kind of think of his book as Peter Scazzero 2.0.
Hi Kim,
I love how you noted the gentle and cautious aspect of the journey to engage with our unconscious mind, It really is an invitation that I believe is grace-filled and at a pace that is just right for us. I have not come across Shelske’s book. It sounds interesting. I had wanted to write about emotions in my post but didn’t get there. Our emotions certainly are a way to gently approach the unconscious. I like to think of them as messengers, to welcome them rather than shut them down. They really can come to our aid when we slow down to notice and name why we feel the way we do. One thing that has helped me to welcome them is to label them as comfortable or uncomfortable, rather than positive or negative. I feel less “guilty” for feeling the way I feel about things. Can you give an example from Shelske’s book or your own journey that helps you process your feelings?
Jenny, great tip to use comfortable vs. uncomfortable as opposed to positive vs. negative emotions.
I’m sure much of Schelske’s model will be familiar to you as a counselor. One new-ish idea to me was paying attention first to my physical reactions before jumping right to identifying my emotions. For example, I’m feeling a lot of pressure in my chest and my heart is racing. What am I anxious about? That has been a helpful reflex to develop.
You are spot in with that tip. We feel our emotions in our body first which is why we react first and repent later 🙂 A pause to be curious and calm the body is a game changer. I am still interested in the book! Thanks for mentioning it.