I Love You, I Forgive You, Supper’s Ready
Our pastor mentioned this week in her sermon entitled “Visible Words” that, according to a national survey some years ago, when people were asked, “What words do you most want to hear said to you?” the three phrases at the top of the list were, in order of popularity: “I love you.” “I forgive you.” “Supper is ready.”[1] It is no surprise that we as humans want to know that we are cherished, seen, and welcome at the table! These root desires intersect our understanding of the human quest for recognition and value throughout the ages and are related to the theme of Francis Fukuyama’s book, Identity: The Demand for Dignity and the Politics of Resentment.
Fukuyama on Identity Politics
In his book, Fukuyama presents an incredibly well-researched, thoughtful account of the ways in which identity politics have risen to the forefront of our national and global scene and are contributing to the current social tension felt across the globe. He comments, “The rise of identity politics in modern liberal democracies is one of the chief threats that they face, and unless we can work our way back to more universal understanding of human dignity, we will doom ourselves to continuing conflict.”[2]
Identity politics, which can both empower or fragment civilizations, is a phrase used to describe the social and political activity based on the shared experiences of members of certain social groups marginalized, often through measures of injustice, within a larger context.[3] Fukuyama believes that our current division in democracies around the world and the increase in identity politics is due to a failure on the part of those governments to truly recognize the dignity of all people and respond to their concerns.[4] He notes, “Demand for recognition of one’s identity is a master concept that unifies much of what is going on in world politics today.”[5] He believes that identity-based social movements will remain strong in the twenty-first century and the only way to avoid fragmentation is to create a positive national identity. He closes his book by saying, “Identity can be used to divide, but it can and has also been used to integrate. That in the end will be the remedy for the populist politics of the present.”[6]
Reflecting on Fukuyama
As I read Fukuyama’s book, I was both impressed with his knowledge and overwhelmed by our global problem of division. He covers themes such as “thymos, recognition, dignity, identity, immigration, nationalism, religion, and culture.[7] He challenges both the political left and right to see their mistakes throughout history that have contributed to our current problem.[8] He calls us to develop a “better theory of the soul” and launches into a discussion of the way in which the “third part of the soul” forms the crux of today’s identity politics.[9] He draws upon the ideas of ancient philosophers, as well as contemporary theorists and researchers, even including thoughts from Daniel Kahneman and Max Weber.[10] Fukyama’s bibliography from which he weaves his thoughts is extensive!
After reviewing his book, I think I can fairly conclude that this man is brilliant. And yet, I feel disturbed by the complexity of the situation he describes. What are we to do? Yes, he proposes that we create a positive common, national identity, but how is one to do that in our current climate? Grace Rademacher writes in her review of Fukuyama’s book, “Though the solution is philosophically and psychologically sound, the prospect of redefining identity is quite daunting, and the examples of policy implementation seem even more difficult to accomplish.”[11] Like Rademacher, I am left impressed with Fukuyama’s presentation and solution, and yet, wondering what I can offer as a contribution to healing the critical divide in which we now find ourselves? This divide is affecting our families, our local communities, our states, our nations, our world. Is there anything I, as an everyday person not as deeply equipped with knowledge as Fukuyama, can do to encourage healing?
Considering an Everyday Application
I am brought back to the words people said they most wanted to hear said to them: “I love you.” “I forgive you.” “Supper is ready.” I think I might add one more phrase that also seems powerful and needed at this point in time: “I am sorry.” What would it look like if I started focusing more on these sentiments, expressing care, offering words of affirmation instead of judgement, making space at the “table” for all to partake of the welcome atmosphere and sustaining resources. What if I said more often and freely “I’m sorry” when I realized I inadvertently hurt someone. What if I invited feedback from people to actually call me out when I hurt them, so that I could have the chance to apologize authentically?
I wonder if we took these phrases that we desire to hear more seriously and built them more firmly into our relationships and interactions with others, if we might begin to see slow progress in closing the divides we currently are experiencing. I think it’s worth a try.
Conclusion
Fukuyama presents us with a colossal and impressive explanation and solution for our current environment and challenge. My pastor proposed through “Visible Words” a smaller, but related description of and challenge for our reality. I think I’ll start with the smaller challenge and become a little more familiar with “I love you.” “I forgive you.” “Supper’s ready.” And, “I’m sorry.”
[1] Robin Garvin, “Visible Words,” Valley Community Presbyterian Church, Portland, Oregon, October 1, 2023, as resourced from https://www.cogsdunedin.com/sermon-200112/.
[2] Francis Fukuyama, Identity: The Demand for Dignity and the Politics of Resentment (New York, NY: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2018), xvi.
[3] Cressida Heyes, “Identity Politics”, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Fall 2020 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall2020/entries/identity-politics/ .
[4] Fukuyama, xiii.
[5] Fukuyama, xv.
[6] Fukuyama, 183.
[7] Fukuyama, xv.
[8] Fukuyama, 6-7.
[9] Fukuyama, 11, 18.
[10] Fukuyama, 14, 27-28.
[11] Grace Rademacher, “Dignity and the Psychology of Nationalism: A Review of Identity: The Demand for Dignity and the Politics of Resentment by Francis Fukuyama,” Georgetown Journal of International Affairs, (Fall 2019), 162.
About the Author
Jenny Steinbrenner Hale
14 responses to “I Love You, I Forgive You, Supper’s Ready”
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Hi Jenny! In your post you stated that Fukuyama “challenges both the political left and right to see their mistakes throughout history that have contributed to our current problem.” Fukuyama does acknowledge that identity can be used as a divisive force in politics especially when identity becomes the primary basis for political mobilization. It can lead to polarization, exclusion, and the creation of “us versus them” dynamics. How in our leadership do you think we can help lead from a place of helping to bridge the divide that has become so prevalent?
Hi Daron, Thanks for your question: “How in our leadership do you think we can help lead from a place of helping to bridge the divide that has become so prevalent?” Wow, that is a big question. I am definitely going to have to give that some more thought, but initially, I wonder if there is a way that we as leaders can avoid taking sides and can help create spaces where it’s safe to process ideas and ask questions? How would you answer this question?
Jenny,
Nice uno card reverse (haha). I am not sure how to answer the question of how to bridge the divide gap yet. I am hoping to work towards an answer for sure. But to your point, I think we are all biased and have a side. Maybe the opportunity is just us sitting with that tension while trying to lead?
Daron, Thanks for your response back to my thoughts. I like your idea of sitting with the tension as we try to lead. Hope you had a good week!
Jenny, I love reading your writing always. I can’t wait to sit around the Supper table with you when you welcome me to your home soon; I am sure you will not tell me “Sorry, there is no supper for you,” lol!
I agree with the challenge you present here “I am left impressed with Fukuyama’s presentation and solution, and yet, wondering what I can offer as a contribution to healing the critical divide in which we now find ourselves.” Have you ever thought about heading to Washington? What do you think about more mature, kind Jesus, loving people like you in Washington?
Hi Jean, Supper’s ready! Come on over anytime. We’re saving a spot for you… and your family! 🙂
That is a good question regarding heading to Washington. I would say I haven’t seriously thought about that, but I have imagined what it would be like to be a national leader. I’m sure it’s harder than it looks. I like your question about a mature and kind Jesus loving people in Washington. That would be an amazing approach and I think it would be effective. What are your thoughts on this?
Jenny,
Thank you so much for our spot on the table. Will be at your door on May 1st.
I think you will do great in Washington. It will not be easy, but you will do great. I seriously believe the leadership crisis wouldn’t be as is with more people of faith leading; unfortunately, we tend to shy away due to the political reputation.
Perfect! See you May 1! 🙂
Thank you for your confidence regarding Washington.
Hope you’ve had a good weekend. See you tomorrow.
Perfect!
Yes, the weekend has been fine, thanks for asking. Trusting yours has been good as well.
Yes, see you in the morning; good night.
Jenny, I am surprised that “I’m sorry” was not in the top three of the most wanted words to hear. I wonder how often people hear this phrase from someone who truly means it. I like you conclusion that the way to confront Fukuyama’s challenge is to use those four simple phrases more. I remember Jack Hayford once saying, “intercession is standing in the gap for someone who will not or cannot do it on their own” – apologizing for someone who is unable to do so on their own. I have tried to be an intercessor as much as possible. When I hear a story about how someone was mistreated by the Church, I say I am sorry on behalf of the Church and that is not how God wants people to be treated. I wonder how much more of a positive voice the Church would have in our society if we were more willing to apologize rather than condemn.
Hi Becca, Great to see you today. 🙂 Thanks for your comments on my post. I like your question: “I wonder how much more of a positive voice the Church would have in our society if we were more willing to apologize rather than condemn.” I think we would have a much better reputation and presence in our society today if we could apologize instead of condemn. So much to learn!
I like that you are willing to take a stand to say “I’m sorry”. Unfortunately, in this toxic environment that we have today even I’m sorry can be seen as offensive. Crazy, I know but true. When someone did you harm as a child kissing and making up was much easier than it is now after our minds have been influenced through acts, media, and even the church. What response have you seen when offering sorry in the resent past?
Hi Shonell, Thanks for reading. That is so interesting, isn’t it, that saying I’m sorry can be offensive sometimes. It can be so hard to know how to communicate love. Hopefully, our sincerity will come through and overshadow any words.
That’s a good question, I’ve noticed that “I’m sorry” has been well accepted with my family. Sometimes it seems to fall a bit flat with people outside my family. That could be because I don’t fully understand another person’s perspective so my words don’t seem authentic? I’m hoping to keep learning and getting better.
“I was both impressed with his knowledge and overwhelmed by our global problem of division.”
What is one thing that was an AHA moment for you here? I found it intriguing when I went down the rabbit hole of all of the books that he has written, specifically on politics! Bold for sure!