A Victim of Perfect
There always seems to be one thing that freezes me in place, that is the reason I get stuck, and the reason I fail. The fear of failure in the same thought process of perfectionism paralysis! Comedic irony, isn’t it, that the thing that freezes me in place is a fear of failure and it often leads to the failure I was trying to avoid. I also find myself avoiding even starting a project until everything is perfect, which a rational person knows, that moment doesn’t exist. During my work on my doctoral project I have found these struggles to be real and at ties suffocating. The difference is that now I am making the transition from amateur to professional. Dr. Sara Lattimore is an expert in a field, a field she. has passion in, she is becoming a professional who leads others.
A Professional Life
Professional creatives face all sorts of inner struggle in the creative process. Writer’s block is very real! In his book The War of Art, Steve Pressfield writes about these inner struggles. He refers to these as resistance. Resistance can play out in many ways for individuals. Pressfield defines a professional as “The professional loves it so much he dedicates his life to it. He commits full time. That’s what I mean when I say turning pro. Resistance hates it when we turn pro.” (63) So in this transition, amidst all the resistance, it is easy to loose your way and to find yourself falling victim to all the things that held you back, this is when professionals dig into the passion and purpose and push onward.
A Day in the Life
In his book Pressfield writes about a day in the life of a writer. As I read this section I could absolutely relate to what was being said. As a doctoral student if you hadn’t guessed by now writing is a thing, my best friend is my computer and at times I’m sure my husband wonders if I am married to it. In this section about a day in the life he says. “Already the loved ones around me are starting to fade. I interact. I’m present. But I’m not.” (65) Oh the reality of this as a wife and mom. I want to be present for them and to engage them and yet I feel in my heart how torn and conflicted I am about the work that awaits. “I go through the chores, the correspondence, the obligations of daily life. Again I’m there but not really. The clock is running in my head; I know I can indulge in daily crap for a little while, but I must cut it off when the bell rings.” (65) The resistance is strong when I am feeling so torn between the tail life and the desire to finish the work I have started the writing that is needed, and yet I sit down and the words won’t come, the ideas are not ready, not perfect, now what do I do? I sit and stare at the blank screen willing it to have words on it before the phone rings and some one from the church needs me, or my children arrive home from school and I again feel torn.
Never Perfect
So the day goes on the words either fill the page or they don’t the family and work demand my time the resistance is persistent and the lack of a perfect moment is glaring at me. It is in these moments that as a passionate professional I must find the will, the why, the love to push on and to just write. To let go of the perfectionism paralysis and let the words in me flow out into the world imperfect, unedited, but alive and creating a story of value for the world to hear.
I was inspired by the honest of Stephen King in his book On Writing. He describes how he started writing this no fiction book at the end of 1997. He was used to finishing the first draft of a book in 3 months and this one was not near finished after 18 months. He admits it was because he put the book aside, he left it unfinished. “That was because I’d put it aside in February or March of 1998, not sure how to continue, or if I should continue at all. Writing fiction was almost as much fun as it had ever been, but every word of the nonfiction book was a kind of torture.” Even an accomplished author like Stephen King found himself facing a brick wall a moment when things just didn’t come as easily and he was a serious professional.
We all can hit a wall in our writing, become a victim of perfectionism. Although there is no perfect, there is however patience and perseverance.
1. Steven Pressfield, The War of Art : Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles (New York, New York: New York Black Irish Entertainment, 2012).
2. Stephen King, Joe Hill, and Owen King, On Writing : A Memoir of the Craft (New York: Scribner, 2020).
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