A Tired Brain Considering Cultural Differences
This book is genius. Your Brain at Work, by Dr. David Rock helped my brain make many connections. I’m not sure I can adequately explain just how many connections I experienced while completing the reading this week. After all, it is not good for a brain try to focus on too many things at once! As I write, my brain is already distracted with the idea that I should immediately order a copy of this book for every member of my immediate family for Christmas. Needless-to-say, I will both recommend and refer to this book often. It brings together in one place the practical application of counseling theories and the neuroscience of the brain in an easily understandable and enjoyable read. However, the connections I made make complete sense to me coming from a counseling background and a western individualistic perspective. However, my brain is at an impasse trying to sort out how I can apply what I have learned in a Southeast Asian context. I may need to let my brain go idle, ask for an extension, or the find my “sweet spot”… the right level of stress to get the job done. I made a bowl of popcorn and watched a fun British crime show with my husband. Then I sat down to write feeling relaxed, with the goal of posting my blog before heading to bed. The culturally sensitive connections I made are that we all have brains, we all respond to threat and reward, we all have emotions, and we all need safe social connection to thrive.
Cultural Context and the Desire for Safe Social Connections
My NPO stakeholders are ministry leaders and their spouses in Southeast Asia. Their need is for more frequent opportunities for meaningful connection with other leaders within their family of churches. Sensitivity to their cultural norms when developing my project is very important to me. While I am not attempting to change the gloriously diverse and vibrant cultures present in Southeast Asia, I have been invited to support change within a family of churches that desires platforms for creating deeper and more supportive connections. Understanding the cultural norms and how close relationships are perceived will aid the development of a meaningful and practical project. Here is what I know from experience and what I discovered in my research.
The cultures of Southeast Asia are collectivist. Achieving harmony is an ideal. A greater emphasis is placed on relationships between individuals not on any one individual.[1] Collectivist cultures are characterized by in-group relationships in which tight social relationships are common but may not be as positive and harmonious as they appear.[2] One key challenge is the expression of emotion. “The Asian collectivistic culture, compared to individualistic societies, tend to be more reserved in the aspect of emotional expression.”[3] Expressing feelings and sharing personal struggles is culturally considered taboo and related to saving face. Given this information my question is how to create a new culture within a culture that normalizes the suppression of emotion and is influenced by saving face, when authenticity and honesty are needed to build trust and safe social connection? Rock identifies social connections as a primary need.[4] This is the need of my stakeholders in a nutshell. A big positive is that they are motivated to create more vulnerable relationships. Creating safety is key. I see the collectivistic nature of the culture to be a positive in that my stakeholders deeply value connection. Saving face is not just about saving the individual’s face but that of the other.
Dr. Rock states, “Creating a sense of safety is the first step to transforming a culture, whether the culture involves two people at home or twenty thousand at work.”[5] In terms of social connection, our brains are either moving away from threat or moving toward reward. Dr. Rock’s SCARF model identifies five domains of social experience that the brain treats as survival issues.[6] They are Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness. All relate to perceptions of safety that cause human’s to either move away from or toward others in relationships.[7] I am very curious about what this looks like culturally in Southeast Asia, how saving face and suppression of emotion might impact movement toward or away from others. I am guessing that I made many wrong assumptions, given that I doubt I was very aware of how I was responding either from a place of threat or possible reward.
Here are some strategies I will consider moving forward:
Check out my assumptions. Seek to understand what causes feelings of threat and what creates feelings of reward. For example, be curious as to how status moves someone concerned about face toward threat or reward.
Go slow. Create experiences that give stakeholders positive connections with one another. Which in turn moves them to their own insights
Begin with those who are already taking the risk to share feelings and hard experiences.
Teach about the brain!
- Joo Yup Kim and Sang Hoon Nam, “The Concept and Dynamics of Face: Implications for Organizational Behavior in Asia” Organizational Science 9, no. 4 (July-August, 1998): 526.
- Shi S. Liu, Michael W. Morris, Thomas Talheim, and Qian Yang, “Ingroup Vigilance in Collectivistic Cultures” PNAS (July 16, 2019): 14538-14539.
- Wandee Wajanathawornchai and Jon Nicholas Blauw, “The impact of spiritual well-being, calling, and religious coping on burnout, mediated by job stressors among Thai protestant pastors” Scholar 10, no.1, (2018): 141.
- David Rock, Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter all Day Long. (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2020), 171.
- David Rock, Your Brain at Work, 232.
- Ibid., 230.
About the Author
Jenny Dooley
Jenny served as a missionary in Southeast Asia for 28 years. She currently resides in Gig Harbor, Washington, where she works as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Spiritual Director in private practice with her husband, Eric. Jenny loves to listen and behold the image of God in others. She enjoys traveling, reading, and spending time with her family which include 5 amazing adult children, 3 awesome sons-in-law, a beautiful daughter-in-law, and 8 delightful grandchildren.12 responses to “A Tired Brain Considering Cultural Differences”
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Shifting culture is a huge challenge, and you’re facing it with grace and sensitivity! Reading your post brought to mind two quotes that I jotted down from Rock’s book. They both speak to affecting change.
“Find ways to make it valuable for people to give themselves feedback; reward them
for activating their director.” (page 148)
“Practice using solution-focused questions that focus people’s attention directly on
the specific circuits you want to bring to life. Invent ways to have people pay repeated attention to new circuits.” (page 162)
I’m still wrestling with how to put this advice into practice in my own NPO. I suspect it might look like creating a sort of internal incentive (probably related to SCARF: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, or Fairness) and then including something to reinforce the positive change that I’m aiming for. I wonder if the same could be applicable to your stakeholders in Southeast Asia?
Hi Kim,
I am think that using SCARF to understand cultural differences would be extremely helpful. I am not sure yet how I will go about that. I think it was a combination of my tired brain and not wanting to speculate that I chose not to consider what each of those dynamics might look like behaviorally in Asia in my post. I can feel my brain trying a bit too hard to make the connections. I don’t want to guess. I want to offer safe spaces, generous listening, and ask good questions that might draw out insight from my stakeholders. I believe I have created enough relational safety with the small group of leaders I am working with to be a bit more curious with them. They are really into ice breakers and having fun together. A creative, playful approach might work.
I would love to hear more about how you might use SCARF or what you notice behaviorally that makes you curious about the impact of cultural differences between you and your stakeholders.
HI Jenny,
I want MORE. I love hearing about your NPO. Swimming in the gene pool that you are working with, I have glimpses of the cultural norms you are encountering. An example, I have become very western in my approach to asking for prayer. When my mom had breast cancer I asked for prayer. I only said she was sick. TWO persons from Hawaii took great offense at this. I wish I handled it better, I told one (my sister) some very unflattering things (clearly non Christian response). I probably will spend the rest of my life trying to rebuild that bridge (one can only blame PTSD for so long).
Threats and rewards. I am fixated on the picture of the twin towers being a Kahneman “anchoring effect” for the entire country when immigrants are discussed. The FEAR still seethes under the discussion.
Time might heal those wounds, but what rewards can counterbalance that fear?
I am open to suggestions.
Nice post…Shalom..Russ
Hi Russell,
I would love to hear more of your stories! I have been struck since researching face (it now feels like a pretty shallow dive) and reading Rock’s book that I probably came to some wrong conclusions (while living in Asia) about what “saving face” meant. It felt culturally inappropriate to ask a lot of questions. In private conversations my curiosity was and is well received but is very hard to know for sure. Picking up where I left off in my response to Kim, I am wondering about how listening to and telling stories might be one way for me to learn more and for my stakeholders to gain insights. What do you think? I am really trying to work this out before I write the conclusion to my Topic Expertise Essay:)
In a random conversation with a fellow teacher, who had just returned from Vietnam, she said to me., “We have to move beyond the task.” I am putting this in my conclusion.
I wish I had an answer to your question about stories.
I remembered (wow…I really have some serious brain fatigue going on!) after I responded to your post that at the conference I attended in Malaysia last fall, 30 pastors and their wives spent two sessions in small groups telling stories about the impact of Covid on them personally, their churches etc…everyone was relieved to be talking. And all the women, for the first time ever shared their experience of being in ministry with the entire group. So much vulnerability. It was initiated by one of the Asian pastors. Telling our stories is impactful. I may be overthinking this! Every person and every culture tells stories. I love to hear them! Maybe it is simply creating opportunity and safety. Thanks for engaging with me on this.
Jenny,
I am always blessed when you speak about the people you have been called to reach and minister to. It has been a life time of sowing seeds of trust and love, that, in itself, gives you the platform to speak from and also extends safety on multiple levels.
You and Russell are on to something. I think about how Jesus engaged people. It was mostly through stories (parables) that connected with their culture.
Rock adds another component about bringing change and mentions that ‘real change happens when people see things they have not seen before. The best way to help someone see something new is to help quiet her mind so that she can have a moment of insight.”(p. 220) How might the coaching skills of evoking awareness through thought add another component to building trust amongst your Asian pastors?
Hi Esther,
Thank you for commenting on my post. One of the key things I am looking at is providing spaces for silence, solitude, and reflection both corporately and individually. The pastors were given more experiences like that last October in Malaysia and I think everyone is longing for more. It is not comfortable for some, so I wonder if normalizing the discomfort and sharing about our experiences with quieting ourselves is important. It certainly takes practice. In my research a number of writers highlighted how when we get quiet we have to sit with some uncomfortable things about ourselves (that is one reason we don’t like to be still and stay quiet), but we do find Jesus there…and that is especially sweet!.
Jenny,
As I was reading your post, I thought about our “daughter”, born in an Asian country. She was a foreign exchange student who lived with us for a year and now comes over every now and then. She attends a local university. Expressing emotions and sharing struggles were a challenge for her. We love her deeply and she is still very much a part of our family. Thank you for sharing your insight and experiences related to your NPO.
Hi Cathy,
That sounds like a wonderful experience. How did you manage your feelings of discomfort or concern when your “daughter” was unable to share her feelings?” I had two international student from different countries here for a few months when we returned to the states. I thought it would be a breeze with my background, but they were so young (early teens) I was worried about them the whole the time!
It was a wonderful experience. I prayed for her often and asked many questions. I was concerned for her, but she was able to eventually share. She explained that the ability to not share was due to fear. An emotion everyone is familiar with on some level.
“The cultures of Southeast Asia are collectivist. Achieving harmony is an ideal. A greater emphasis is placed on relationships between individuals not on any one individual. Collectivist cultures are characterized by in-group relationships in which tight social relationships are common but may not be as positive and harmonious as they appear.”
Jenny how has your own culture helped you to become more collective?