And the winner is…
David Rock wins the prize for “Most Immediately Applicable Book We’ve Read.” I read Your Brain at Work [1] last week and sat with it before tackling this blog post (thank you, spring break, for that extra time!). In those few days, I found myself applying Rock’s reflections in a surprising number of ways.
1. When I was feeling a little down, I scheduled a coffee date with a friend because “social connections are a primary need.” [2]
2. Saying no to multitasking. Staying focused on each task at hand has helped eliminate some silly mistakes. No more forgetting to circle back and finish something.
3. Attempting to manipulate my dopamine level by doing a puzzle over the weekend and starting my week off with a Monday-morning run.
4. Immediately before going on said run, I reread my notes on this book. By the time I got home insight had struck in my “quiet brain.” [3]
5. Most of all, I’ve been reappraising everything over the past few days, looking at everything from a strained relationship to my daily routine through a new lens.
A reappraisal success story
It may be a bit early to tout it as a success, but Rock’s work did induce significant “aha” moment for me. Our church planting team have been feeling so stuck. We’ve been seeing attrition instead of growth in our church for a while now. As discouragement has set in, we’ve found it harder and harder to generate new ideas or attempt new outreaches. It’s begun to feel like we’re just waiting for a miraculous change, without doing anything to catalyze that.
As I read about reappraisal, I began to see our “stuckness” in a different way. I began to look through a lens of “rebuilding” and that perspective shift has turned my discouragement around. We are rebuilding after saying goodbye to 2 departing team members, adding 3 babies to the team’s families, and our team leader undergoing a year of cancer treatment. All this happened on the heels of a worldwide pandemic that narrowed our opportunities to incarnate the gospel in our city. Maybe we’re not “stuck”, which implies being unable or unsuccessful at changing our current reality. Maybe we’re “rebuilding”, meaning we’ve been through a lot and we’re proactively moving toward a better reality. Thank you, David Rock, for this “strategy with few if any downsides, and significant upsides.”
More reappraisal needed
Related to my NPO, the literature on positive parenting is full of this reappraisal strategy, although not usually labeled as such. For example, Isabelle Filliozat, psychologist and leader in the positive parenting movement in France, holds to the idea that children are naturally social and empathic. Children’s misbehavior does not stem from an intention to hurt or disrespect their parents. They simply need our help to mature and do what is right. [4] What a change from the old (but still much repeated) perspective that a crying child is manipulating his parents.
This reappraisal by positive parenting experts is also a complete reversal of the teaching commonly found in Christian parenting manuals (especially older ones) which says a child’s heart is naturally rebellious and must be taught to submit to God’s authority (i.e., by means of corporal punishment). [5] This paradigm-shift will be a key threshold concept that I hope my stakeholders will wrestle with.
Why is this reappraisal so important? Our actions stem from our beliefs, so how we think about a situation (or our child, for example) can change our entire approach. I’ve witnessed this in my own parenting journey and in those around me. When we think of a child as “manipulating” or “disrespectful” we’re likely to think they need a punishment in order to be “taught a lesson.” However, when we see a child as doing the best they can, wanting to do right but needing help we are more likely to act as a compassionate teacher. Over time, this threshold concept can transform the parent-child relationship, a parent’s sense of thriving, and eventually a child’s ability to self-regulate.
One more challenge
Of course, reappraisal isn’t always easy. As Rock puts it, “Reappraisal is metabolically expensive. It’s not easy to do, especially if your stage is full or your actors are tired….Without the capacity to use your full cognitive power at will, your capacity to reappraise will be limited to moments when you are well rested.” [6]
That’s not great news for parents because, well, what parent is well-rested? Admittedly, it is not easy to shift our perspectives on our own. But if we learned anything from Meyer and Land’s writing on threshold concepts it is that the liminal state is uncomfortable. [7] BUT it is possible to push through and acquire new learning. Onward, friends!
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1 Rock, David. Your Brain at Work. (New York: Harper Collins. 2009), 116.
2 Ibid. 144.
3 Ibid. 91.
4 Filliozat, Isabelle. Comprendre et éduquer son enfant: les outils concrets de la parentalité positive pour transformer votre quotidien. (Paris: Marabout, 2022), 37.
5 Bryant, Henry and Alice. Bien Être Parents. (Lyon: Éditions Clés, 2005), 71.
6 Rock, David. Your Brain at Work. (New York: Harper Collins. 2009), 93.
7 Meyer, J., & Land, R. “Overcoming Barriers to Student Understanding: Threshold concepts and troublesome knowledge: Linkages to ways of thinking and practicing within the disciplines.” London: Routledge, 2006.
About the Author
Kim Sanford
7 responses to “And the winner is…”
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Hi Kim,
I focused in on your parenting portion. I have a special needs daughter who has fetal alcohol syndrome and attachment disorders. When we adopted her 16 years ago, we knew all of this and I thought we were prepared to deal with the ups and downs.
The last couple of years have been rough but this last year, we have sought counseling for her (and ourselves) and progress is being made — but it has caused me to reappraise the methods I used for my other two children.
A whole totally different style/approach/method is in order and I am moving out of my liminal space into what will hopefully be a threshold experience.
Life continues. Shalom…Russ
I love the focus you gave on reappraisal…I like to think of it as “reframing the narrative” or changing the story I am telling myself. How great that this concept is reinvigorating several areas of your world!
My big a ha from your post was this: “Immediately before going on said run, I reread my notes on this book. By the time I got home insight had struck in my ‘quiet brain.'” I have had those jolts of insight on my walks before, and I LOVE IT when that happens. Your pull out from the reading helped me think about how I can more intentionally set a stage for that to happen. Perhaps I need to think about what areas where I am stuck before the walk to help this process along. Thanks for that!
Kim, if Rock’s book wins the “Most Immediately Applicable Book We’ve Read” award, then I’m thinking your post may win the “blog post with most immediate and accessible application from said immediately applicable book we’ve read” post. In your list, #2 states “Saying no to multitasking.” What tools have you utilized to help you do this (if any?). Or have you just re-framed your approach to multi-tasking? For example, Rock talks about blocking out time to focus on items one at a time (time-blocking). Is that something you currently do in your daily routine? The multi-tasking thing has been something I’ve been trying get a handle on for years. I’m learning (and employing SOME tools), but it is still a challenge.
You’re right, moving away from multitasking can be challenging, especially if your brain (like mine) just can’t help “seeing” all the things that need to be done. I’ve started relying quite a bit on Trello, and categorizing my many lists within Trello, and just the Notes app on my phone for any little thought that pops into my head. I do block out my time like Rock talks about, both on a daily and a weekly level. From experience, I’ve also become very cognizant of the times of day when I’m best able to focus and be productive. Nothing revolutionary there, but it helps keep me on track. Your turn, what tools and tricks have you found that work well?
I too recognized the immediate applicability of Rock’s book. I’m a rabid reader of productivity, time-management books, so I loved it. It was thoughtful, smart, while also be approachable.
A few stand outs for me:
• “Take a walk when you are stressed.” (67)
• “Loneliness, a study showed, could significantly increase the risk of death from stroke and heart disease.” (164)
“They found that performance was poor at low levels of stress, hit a sweet spot at reasonable levels of stress, and tapered off under high stress.” (62)
Great work Kim!
Hi Kim,
Reappraisal is an amazing tool. It helps me tell myself a different story… a more complete and hopefully more accurate story. It helps me clear the stage, refocus, and get the right characters on my stage. It moves me from negativity to positivity as well. Thank you for the example of how you reappraised what is happening within your church. I wonder how many pastors need to look at the big picture of what they and their churches have been through. It has been a lot! I know in this corner of the world while numbers might be down in a fair number of churches in my town there is a greater depth of connection, a deep sense of God’s presence, and a refocus that frankly feels healthier to me than pre-Covid days. My prayer is that pastors all over the world will reappraise the situation, be encouraged, see themselves as loved, and remember God’s faithfulness during a very challenging season. Thanks for sharing!
Great post Kim, reappraisal is the ultimate game changer for mood, leadership, perspective, energy, etc. It is something I am constantly working on and this book was a great reminder and resource. Your posts concerning parenting are always helpful for me, my wife as well since I share it with her. We are not only trying to recalibrate our kids, but recalibrate ourselves as well in the process and it makes such a different in how we respond and how that transfers to our kiddos. Thanks for you posts! Keep it up!