Impostor? Hopefully Not Anymore!
Read deeply. Stay open. Continue to wonder.
-Austin Kleon-
Impostor syndrome is a familiar experience for me. I’ve noticed that it tends to surface whenever I embark on something significant and meaningful. I vividly recall feeling extremely anxious about homiletics, a subject during my undergraduate studies twenty-three years ago. As part of the curriculum, students had to preach several times per semester in Sunday services at churches. It was excruciating when those nagging feelings of self-doubt took over my thoughts and emotions. Similarly, I experienced this syndrome before my ordination as a pastor, with many questions about my ability and worthiness to serve God. To be candid, I also grappled with these feelings at the beginning of my doctoral program, and they still occasionally resurface.
I’m grateful that Austin Kleon’s works are included in our class’s reading list. As an author, he offers readers, a valuable source of encouragement, particularly when experiencing impostor syndrome – a common challenge for many educated individuals. Kleon inspires readers to take the plunge and begin, acknowledging that the source of one’s creativity is often a mystery. Nevertheless, he emphasizes the importance of showing determination and bravery in pursuing one’s goals because no one really knows where good things come from within them.[1] According to Kleon, all creative work builds on what came before. Nothing is completely original.[2] Naturally, Kleon’s intention is not to encourage his readers to passively consume his ideas. On the contrary, he motivates readers to think creatively in their work and take bold steps. We need not be burdened by the pressure of coming up with entirely novel concepts. By relinquishing this expectation, we free ourselves from the daunting task of creating something out of nothing (which only God can do, as I referred to it as “creatio ex nihilo”). Instead, we can draw inspiration from external sources and embrace their impact without feeling the need to avoid them.[3]
Therefore, opportunities are available and wide open to anyone who wishes to develop their own creativity and expertise, as everyone possesses unique strengths and advantages. This aligns with Camacho’s belief that God has placed a “gold” within every persons.[4] However, personal development is necessary for everyone. One effective method to develop creativity and expertise is to learn from others by taking inspiration and ideas from various sources. As Kleon explained, we can improve our skills by adapting and learning from the work of others, without committing plagiarism. Not plagiarism, but copying is about reverse-engineering. It’s like a mechanic taking apart a car to see how it works.[5] Copying is stealing the thinking behind the style rather than the style only, see as heroes see rather than look like the heroes only.[6] Perhaps without realizing it, I have been following Kleon’s advice all along. Whether it is through preaching at church or delivering lectures, I frequently observe others and draw valuable ideas from them. I then incorporate these ideas into my own knowledge and experiences and transform them into a unique and appealing ‘meal’ to serve to others.
The other interesting and important point from Kleon that I find very relevant to my life is his advice to remind readers not to abandon or discard their passions and to only choose one from several. Kleon says, if you have two or three real passions, don’t feel like you have to pick and choose between them. Don’t discard. Keep all your passions in your life.[7] Throughout our life journey, we encounter numerous passions that provide us with valuable experiences. These experiences can come from various sources, such as people, books, and the internet. Although we may not see their significance at the time, these experiences can help us make connections and correlations that prove useful later on. In my opinion, Kleon’s advice has been instrumental in helping me overcome impostor syndrome by recognizing how God works through the events and circumstances of my life and ministry, shaping and equipping me for what lies ahead
Now I have to keep moving forward, achieving the dream that I built through studying in this doctoral program. For me, it’s significant to possess a curiosity toward the world I’m focusing. Researching and investigating every reference that catches my attention is key to moving forward and striving to delve deeper.[8] As Kleon insists: don’t worry about doing research. Just search.[9] Absolutely, to be a creative and productive “artist”, I must also improve my ability to appropriately and proportionally use both of my thinking systems.[10] However, I am quite confident that there are many fascinating experiences that I have yet to encounter in the eyes of God. What makes us interesting isn’t just what we’ve experienced, but also what we haven’t experienced.[11] So, here I am, encouraging myself to read deeply, stay open-minded, and continue to wonder. Yes, I’m so excited. I accept my strengths just as I accept my weaknesses. I embrace my limitations and keep moving.[12] I bring my thoughts, feelings, and actions towards things that bring goodness as a Bible text says: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Phillippians 4:8-9).
[1] Austin Kleon, Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative (New York: Workman Pub. Co, 2012), 27-28.
[2] Kleon, Steal, 7.
[3] Kleon, Steal, 8.
[4] Tom Camacho, Mining for Gold. (London: IVP, 2019), 48.
[5] Kleon, Steal, 33.
[6] Ibid, 36.
[7] Ibid, 68.
[8] Ibid, 19.
[9] Ibid.
[10] System 1 functions swiftly and unconsciously, requiring minimal effort and lacking any perception of deliberate control. On the other hand, System 2 directs attention towards mentally demanding tasks that necessitate conscious effort, such as intricate computations. System 2’s activities typically correlate with the personal feeling of agency, choice, and focused attention. See: Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow (London: Penguin Books, 2012), 22.
[11] Kleon, Steal, 140.
[12] Ibid.
About the Author
Dinka Utomo
Dinka Nehemia Utomo is an ordained pastor of the Protestant Church in the Western part of Indonesia (Gereja Protestan di Indonesia bagian Barat or GPIB). He has served for more than 15 years. The first five years of his ministry were in the remote area of East Kalimantan, including people from the indigenous Dayak tribe in the small villages in the middle of the forest, frequently reached using small boats down the river. For more than 15 years, Dinka has served several GPIB congregations in several cities in Indonesia. He has always had a passion for equipping Christian families, teaching and guiding them to build equal relations between husband and wife, maintaining commitment, love, and loyalty, creating a healthy and constructive Christian family atmosphere, and rejecting all forms of violence and sexual violence. Dinka's beloved wife, Verra, is also a GPIB pastor. They have two blessed children. Dinka and his wife and children love to spend quality family time, such as lunch or dinner, and vacation to exotic places.14 responses to “Impostor? Hopefully Not Anymore!”
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Thank you for your lovely post, Dinka. I especially like how you ended with Philippians 4: 8-9 and the practice of thinking on good, true, and noble things, especially as it pertains to two points you made that I resonated with: imposter syndrome and not to abandon or discard our passions. Thinking noble thoughts about ourselves and our interests, passions, and calling is vital to the unique ways we show up in the world. I love what you wrote, “I bring my thoughts, feelings, and actions towards things that bring goodness.” What other interests and passions do you have (developed or not) which have the potential to bring forth more gold in your life and leadership? I have a sense there are quite a few! I am inspired by your post!
Hi Jenny! Thank you very much for your comment.
You ask a very perceptive question. I appreciate it. It’s true that I have several other interests and passions beyond my work with the NPO. Firstly, I am passionate about helping others obtain higher education sponsorships and scholarships, as I have encountered many Indonesian students who are unable to continue their studies due to financial difficulties. I have assisted with this several times already, and I experienced great joy when I see someone able to continue their education. Secondly, I also have a passion for reaching out to the youth as much as I can through various coaching activities, with the aim of providing them with guidance that aligns with biblical teachings so that they may continue to follow God’s plan for their lives.
I enjoyed reading your post, Dinka. One phrase stood out to me especially: “opportunities are available and wide open to anyone who wishes to develop their own creativity and expertise, as everyone possesses unique strengths and advantages.”
You mentioned that all creative work is built on what has come before. I wonder how considering your past experiences helps you in dealing with impostor syndrome. Is there a connection in your mind?
Hi Jennifer! Thank you for your comment.
When reflecting on my past experiences in the present, I find a valuable lesson. Everyone has weaknesses, but at the same time, they also have strengths. Impostor syndrome locked me into only seeing my flaws. However, the Holy Spirit helped me to see the strengths within me. When reading Kleon’s writing, I know that the Spirit is also guiding me through it. Therefore, I must keep moving forward while learning (or “stealing”) from many people, events, books, the internet, and including from our program as well.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Dinka. We read the same book, but you drew out some insights that I missed. When you said, “Whether it is through preaching at church or delivering lectures, I frequently observe others and draw valuable ideas from them” that reminded me that I always need to observe a new thing before I try it. This was true in my days as a teacher and later as a church leader. I always like to “see how it’s done here” before I stand up front and lead.
Later you mentioned, “If you have two or three real passions, don’t feel like you have to pick and choose between them.” That really encouraged me because my desire to support parents is something I dreamed about a long time ago but the idea lay dormant until very recently. It was just about two years ago that God rewoke that passion and started me on this journey. I wonder if you’ve ever had an experience like that? Has God rekindled an old interest or passion that you thought you were done with? What did He do with that in your life?
Hi Kim!
Thank you for your comment.
Yes, I have experienced it. In my response to Jenny’s comment above, I mentioned that I have several other passions besides my NPO topic. In my opinion, God always has His own unique and different way for everyone to draw us back to our old passion. God’s way of reviving one of my passions is by presenting me with people who need advice or help, and whether coincidental or not, it turns out to be closely related to my passion.
“Don’t discard. Keep all your passions in your life.” Incorporating several things, even that seem mutually exclusive can be the formula for originality. Why not combine academics with art? Who says ideas from engineering or physics can’t be combined with theology? I think pulling from different fields and passions can be the key to doing something “new”. Thanks for your posts Dinka!
Hello Adam! Thank you for your comment.
I agree with your opinion that theology can be integrated with other fields, including engineering and physics. In my view, theology is not a silo discipline. When it engages in dialogue with other approaches, it expands the horizons of both. For instance, I have a friend who has an undergraduate degree in architecture. In his M.Div. thesis, he explored church architecture from a philosophical-theological standpoint in the context of Javanese culture and society. His writing is a fascinating work to read.
Dinka, in reading your blog I started having thoughts around threshold learning and imposter syndrome. I wonder if this syndrome is a way to manage our anxiety when going after a dream, to protect our heart and ego in case we don’t make it! It protects us from a huge crash if we fear we will fail? Prof. Jason tells us the greater the island of our knowledge so is the shoreline of our ignorance. What if this is true for knowledge of ourselves too? That imposter syndrome is the shoreline we encounter in ourselves as we deepen into our own self knowledge? Thanks for how you opened my eyes to new ways of thinking Dinka!
Hi Jana! Thank you for comment.
I agree with you, Jana, (and with Dr. Clark as well), that the more knowledge we acquire, the greater the expanse of the shoreline of our ignorance becomes. Regarding the impostor syndrome, which we often experience, I believe that we can utilize the aforementioned principle to motivate ourselves. We possess the knowledge and abilities required to accomplish our goals and aspirations (even being considered “gold” according to Camacho’s viewpoint), and thus we should strive to move forward. However, we must also be mindful of the negative impact of this syndrome that can lead us to remain within our comfort zone. Therefore, I express my gratitude towards Kleon, who encourages us to learn and absorb ideas from a diverse range of sources, experiences, and knowledge. This will allow us to enhance our creativity and competencies, paving the way for us to fulfill our dreams.
Dinka, I love how easy it is to follow your posts. You write so smooth. Speaking of smooth, I do have one question for you. You said, in regard to others ideas, “[I]transform them into a unique and appealing ‘meal’ to serve to others.” WOW! that’s brilliant man! So my question is what makes your meal unique AND appealing? 😊
Hi Todd! Thank you very much.
Speaking about my “meal”, I have a secret recipe consisting of passion, willingness to learn, sincerity, and love. It is served with compassion, responsibility, and enthusiasm.
I’m echoing Todd’s response… I loved this: “I then incorporate these ideas into my own knowledge and experiences and transform them into a unique and appealing ‘meal’ to serve to others.”
I love preparing and eating great meals, and you can have similar ingredients as another cook but come out with a completely different meal. What a great metaphor for writing, and leading.
One of my mentors used to tell me this about preaching: “If you get meat from someone else and put it through your grinder, it’s now your hamburger”. The key is putting whatever meat we find through our own grinder.
Hi Tim! Thank you for your comment.
I like what your mentor said regarding preaching. I present a metaphor regarding meals because the banquet contains a spirit of hospitality and joy. I associate leadership and ministry in the church with that spirit. That’s why I use this metaphor.