Follow Your Bliss?
(Note: I have no idea why the font changes from a light black to a bolded black. I played with all the options to change font and boldness, etc and nothing would work.)
Most of us have probably read the quote by Joseph Campbell, “Follow your bliss.” I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it on many a bumper sticker or on someone’s t-shirt and thought, “Well, wouldn’t that be nice but I’ve got these four kids, a husband, and a job that all require my full attention right now.”
If you’re the churchy type you may have heard the Reverend Frederick Buechner’s quote, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”[1]
The idea of both quotes is the same. Find your purpose and live your best life. According to Campbell, “Along the way some doors will open that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else,”[2] and you even might meet the “world’s deepest need,” according to Buechner.
But what happens when rather than following your bliss this so-called “bliss” is thrust upon you? What happens when the place where God is calling you is NOT anywhere you’d ever want to go?
What happens when your spouse, or your child, or your best friend or your parent, cannot lift the weight of depression to get out of bed? Or, they won’t stop talking, talking, talking, flinging ideas around like confetti, some of them very far-fetched? What happens when voices speak to them, some of them shouting, yet nobody else can hear them? Or, what happens when their paranoia makes you, their once beloved partner, their best friend, the enemy, the one out to get them?
This is not bliss.
This is not deep gladness.
This is hell.
Campbell claims, “the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living”[3] but what if you want NO PART of the life you all of a sudden find yourself living?
This is how the hero’s journey began for me.
(As I’ve been reading up on the hero’s journey I’ve read contradicting ideas about whether we should be the heroes of our own stories but if the hero’s story is universal then it only makes sense that we would be a hero in our own journey. I also believe we will experience many hero journeys throughout our lifetime. This post is about one particular hero’s journey I experienced.)
One day I was happily married with three young kids and the next I was trying to find my missing husband who had flown off to the other side of the United States on a whim. (Thankfully, he went to see his parents so he was easy to track down.) One day we were a “normal” American family driving our Honda Odyssey to soccer games and the next were driving that minivan to the psychiatric unit of the hospital. One day my husband was healthy and the next he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Of course, the timeline is a little off. Mental illness rarely strikes all of a sudden. Usually it is a slow burn building into a firestorm if not doused early on. But I think you get the point. We were living a “normal” life, until we were not.
I think we can understand how the hero’s journey might be a perfect metaphor for those who encounter mental health challenges. One day you are living your normal life but then comes a moment, a crisis. Your mind is confused or sad, dull, or overly active. The journey begins. You are forced into the unfamiliar, thrust into a dark cave of the unknown where trials and hospital stays await. You must reach deep inside, slay the dragons, stabilize the neurotransmitters, and find yourself a really good psychiatrist. Friends, family, and hopefully a wise therapist come alongside you and with their guidance and your own fortitude you begin to rise from the abyss. Through this journey you are transformed, returning home with new life experiences, wisdom and a bigger heart.
But what about those who love the one with mental illness? What about their hero’s journey?
I don’t say this to belittle the journey of those living with and managing their mental illness. Their hero’s story is one of reaching the depths of hell and coming out stronger, but there is often another hero’s journey happening at the same time. It’s the journey of those who love them.
When my husband first fell ill I was forced onto this journey, very unwillingly, but dammit, love and belief in a person will keep you walking, sometimes running, step after step through the journey. True to the structure of the hero’s journey, as I walked the path, friends, mentors, and guides came alongside me. I’m pretty sure without them I would have curled up in the fetal position and refused to go any further.
As I build a mental health ministry and as I teach classes for NAMI, I see my role as a guide and friend walking with those newly embarking (or being shoved) onto this journey. I hear about their journeys and can truly say, “While the details of my journey are not the same, I have walked this path and I can walk alongside you as you navigate yours.”
Because of the Topical Expertise essay, we have to write I’ve been thinking about the story from Mark 2, of the friends who lower the paralyzed man through the roof to get to Jesus. I wonder if the paralyzed man was on his own hero’s journey. In the scripture, friends carried this paralyzed man, perhaps miles, to a house where Jesus was teaching. When they saw there wasn’t room to carry their helpless friend into the house, they climbed on top of the house hoisting their friend up along the way. Finally, they cut a hole in the roof lowering their friend through it. Jesus healed him and told him to arise, take up his bed, and walk.
According to the website, Good Reads, Joseph Campbell says, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” We don’t know how the paralyzed man felt about his condition but I can imagine it was uncomfortable, even scary, to seek help. His friends helped him to approach the “inmost cave” (quite literally, the inside of a crowded house) to sit in front of Jesus, to be healed.
That’s the kind of friend or helper I want to be for others on this journey.
When my husband got sick I was shoved off the cliff, hurtling through the threshold, straight into the abyss but I was never alone. From the very first shove helpers, mentors and guides came alongside me. I wonder if they knew as they walked with me they were meeting one of the world’s greatest needs.
One of those helpers was my husband. I know that sounds strange. He was the one who was sick. How could he be one of the guides or helpers? It’s because he wasn’t afraid to travel his own journey all the way through. He was thrust into the abyss, slaying dragons I can’t even imagine, but he came out stronger, more compassionate, determined to be the best version of himself possible. Because he traveled his own journey he wasn’t afraid of mine and the honesty and wisdom he shared with me was transformative.
That’s the thing about this journey, about following your bliss or going where God is calling you. It’s not a matter of simply doing whatever you like. Instead it is about discovering who you are and Whose you are, about giving yourself entirely to the One who calls you and the path to which you are called, trusting you won’t journey alone. In doing so, you might even meet some of the world’s greatest need.
[1] Buechner, Frederick. 1993. Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC. Expanded edition. San Francisco, Calif.: HarperOne. P. 119
[2] Joseph Campbell Foundation, “Follow Your Bliss, Interview with Bill Moyers,” accessed January 28, 2023, https://jcf.org/about-joseph-campbell/follow-your-bliss/
[3] IBID.
About the Author
Kally Elliott
Mom of four. Wanna-be Broadway star. PC(USA) pastor. Wife. Friend. Sometimes a hot mess. Sometimes somewhat together. Is this supposed to be a professional bio?12 responses to “Follow Your Bliss?”
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Your comments are ministering to me. My wife Trudy, and daughter Niki are wondering down the journey of special mental needs. Her blue haired counselor seems to have started a series of talks, and actions that seems to have my daughter (fetal alcohol syndrome and attachment disorders), really thinking about her words and actions. I asked my wife to set up a “talk” with the counselor so that we could reinforce my daughter’s personal learning process and to learn about our responses as well. The journey continues….moving towards the light…thanks for your comments…shalom…Russ
Russ, I’m glad your daughter is listening to her “blue haired counselor.” Sometimes it’s those blue hairs who have the most wisdom :). It sounds like you and your wife are on the journey with her. Your support will be transformative for her as well as for you and your wife. Thanks for always being your encouraging self.
Poignant! Powerful! Thank you, Kally! It is difficult to see the Hero in a story that does not have an immediate happy ending. I have always connected Heros with Fairytales. Mental Illness and the impact that it has on Loved Ones is definitely not a fairytale. But when I read this part of your post, “Instead it is about discovering who you are and Whose you are, about giving yourself entirely to the One who calls you and the path to which you are called, trusting you won’t journey alone. In doing so, you might even meet some of the world’s greatest need.” I have hope that maybe the Hero really does lie within us. I am praying for you, Brave One!
Jonita, I think we all have a hero or heroine within us! Sometimes it just takes a long time to get through that journey – and sometimes the journey leads right into another journey right into another journey after that. Maybe life is just a perpetual hero’s journey…hmmmm something to ponder.
Thanks for sharing, Kally. What stood out to me most in your entry was the power that comes from retrospectively “pulling the thread” of your story. I seems like you don’t always see the sense in the journey when you’re in it, but I love how the journey has give you a new purpose… and maybe another journey, as you learn to help others?
Now that I’m older and have been on a few journeys I can sometimes see how the difficult circumstances I’m in might lead to greater compassion or perspective when I finally get through them but it’s taken age and lots of life experience to be able to (sometimes) have that wisdom! I’m currently in a leg brace for 6-8 weeks and non weight bearing due to surgery. I KNOW that in the end I will come out stronger but dangit if anyone else says to me, “Oh you’ll be stronger at the end of this” I might use my crutch to whack them. When you’re in the thick of any kind of hero’s journey you don’t want to hear “You’ll be stronger at the end!” You just want to hear, “Oh, man, this is really hard.”
Kally, thank you for sharing this and for inviting this cohort to learn more about your life and ministry. Your final sentence spoke about identity, and how that identity informs/allows you/others to steward assignments that may or may not be “blissful.” Sometimes the “follow-your-passions” framework comes up from even the most well-meaning friends (or from authors, pastors, peers, coaches, teachers, etc.) It’s funny, that Buechner quote is near the top of my go-to quotes when people ask questions about calling. I use it more carefully today (I hope!) than I once did. The “gladness” you alluded to in your final sentence is the kind of rooted and grounded-in-Christ sort of gladness (not circumstantial or preferential “gladness” due to getting to do what one “wants” to do) that we should pursue. If our gladness is in anything other than being “in-Christ,” resting in Christ as our only hope in life/death, then we’ll be clamoring for “bliss” for the rest of our lives like a counterfeit god that only disappoints.
Thank you for naming that identity piece. It truly is about identity. Knowing who you are and Whose you are. Most of the time I can rest in that identity. There are days when it can be challenging to do so – I think that is the nature of faith – but it is life changing when you can remember how loved you are by God and that nothing in life or in death can ever separate you from that love.
Powerful and poignant Kally. Thank you. I appreciate you wrestling with the term ‘bliss’ and how, in our current context, that could be woefully misunderstood. It seems to me that a lot of the current marital fractures taking place after 20+ years of marriage follows some kind of encouragement for people to ‘find their bliss’ or ‘Eat pray and love’ or ‘Go off and find their true self” after being trapped in the mundane and sometimes even painful institution of marriage. Perhaps a deeper understanding of bliss and often the much longer journey to get there is required in our time and place. I think you have helped to describe some of that with your post. Peace and perseverance to you in the journey!
I have always hated that movie (and book) “Eat Pray Love.” First of all, they were both boring (IMHO), but also, I just loathe the whole “dump what or who ever is keeping you down and chase the shiny thing instead” concept. Of course there are times when the healthy, even most faithful, option is to get divorced or set up boundaries or do whatever you need to do to protect yourself, but I most of the time (most, not all of the time) I think that option should come after you’ve done the work of therapy and whatever else is needed.
I think you name something important in your comment, “Perhaps a deeper understanding of bliss and often the much longer journey to get there is required in our time and place.” YES! A deeper understanding of bliss is so important. What can evolve after you and your partner have worked hard on a relationship can be truly beautiful and while I wouldn’t call it “bliss” (ha!) maybe it something even better.
Pastor Elliot! Way to PREACH IT, Lady!!! Now, that’s what I’m talking about! I love how you communicate the importance of living in tension. You have a loving family, loving God, a calling, AND mental illness challenges all at once! You talk about how challenging it is AND yet you show how you are dependent upon God AND others. Your life shows it’s not either or. It’s BOTH AND!
I love how you said by following the One you might even meet some of the world’s greatest need. By saying might, you’re communicating that just because you follow God’s will does not mean life will always be pretty or even encouraging. You are truly modeling what it means to live in that tension. THANK YOU!
Whew Kally! That was well written! A reluctant hero is deeply resonating. I often wonder a lot of this too, I don’t have mental illness in my family but I am a mom of a special needs child. My oldest son was diagnosed at age 5 with Autism, and not the Asperger kind, and no he is not a savant. He just moves about the world differently. This has been life changing for me and my husband and my whole family. It has been difficult, exhausting, mystifying, isolating from the church, cared for by the church. All of it…And it’s not curable, he will have this his whole life and he will always be dependent on us as his parents. The “dream” of raising children to be independent members of society was gone with my first child 11 years ago when he was diagnosed. Now I see many gifts from this, but the way you talk about walking through Hell, is liberating. Thank you for your honesty and transparency as one who loves someone with challenges. I use the story of the man lowered to Jesus often in my work as families get very concerned their dying loved one will make it to heaven. The liberating part of this story is that Jesus says “Because of the faith of your friends you are healed”. The man was broken, he couldn’t ask, or wouldn’t ask? who knows, but his community held him in their faith and Jesus saved. I always like to wonder what happened to that man after he was healed? Did he live in gratitude? Did his illness psychologically stay with him in bitterness? What do we do with these gifts? All I know is that we are in community and are called to Love one Another. You are a fulfilling of this scripture Kally. A messy, imperfectly perfect fulfilling of what it means to love one another in sickness and health for better or worse…etc. The Vows we say in marriage are a verb aren’t they… we grow into them and understand them more the longer we do so.