Best Practices in Seeking a Therapist
Stephen King has provided a personal reflection on the art of writing in his book: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. King’s book is 316 pages long and the content is jam packed with great advice for beginning writers. His advice spanned the depths of creating plot and character to simple suggestions of having “no telephone in your writing room.” [1] As I attempted to glean from this expert, I read: “If there’s a window, draw the curtains or pull down the shades unless it looks out a blank wall. For any writer, but for the beginning writer in particular, it’s wise to eliminate every possible distraction. “I work to loud music-hard rock stuff like AC/DC, Guns and Roses, and Metalica,” King writes. [2] I could agree with eliminating distractions, but creating a dark room and listening to heavy metal would not be the optimal writing environment for me. I appreciate King’s direct style of writing as he suggests: “Good writing teaches the learning writer about style, graceful narration, plot development, the creation of believable characters, and truth telling.” [3] I began to want to tell this author the truth about what I was thinking of his book and all his recommendations. I continued to read to see if there was merit in entertaining this author’s thoughts but stopped at this reflection: “You do not need writing classes or seminars any more than you need this or any other book on writing.”[4] With this statement I stopped. I needed to read no further but do what the author had suggested. For the remainder of this blog I will write what I would like. I will do exactly what the author is encouraging. King states: “I think you begin by interpreting ‘write what you know’ as broadly and inclusively as possible.” [5]
As I have considered what I know and what possibly might benefit my readers, I have concluded that there may be some benefit in writing what I wish my clients knew I was thinking when they pursue counseling. I know that my cohort is in the process of finding life coaches and this could possibly benefit them. I know that there are different nuances to coaching/spiritual direction/ and counseling- I may be able to reconcile some of these differences in a different blog in the future. What considerations might be made in pursuing an appointment for counseling? Please hear my thoughts regarding best practices in approaching this reflective adventure. Sharing these best practices is a personal exercise in addressing my own resistance which tells me, “I shouldn’t instruct or put myself forward as a purveyor of wisdom.” [6] Similar to the direct style of Stephen King, I say: ”take it or leave it.” Austin Kleon encourages his readers to: “figure out what’s worth stealing, then move on to the next thing.” [7]
Best practices in pursuing counseling:
1) I would encourage those seeking counseling to ask some questions of their coach or counselor: “What are some of your daily habits which promote your mental/spiritual health?” I think clients don’t believe they can ask this at the outset of a professional relationship. It is a personal question. I think my clients have permission to ask me this question because they are about to share intimate details of their life with me. If I am not healthy, how might I provide counseling which promotes health with my clients? Feel free to ask.
2) If you do not click with your counselor, it’s ok; bow out gracefully and find a new one. The process may be discouraging; finding a good counselor or coach takes time and determination.
3) It is good to be honest with what you are willing to change. Changing things about ourselves takes time. It is good to be realistic about what kind of changes may or may not be able to be accomplished in counseling, considering the time and investment you are willing to make in the process.
4) Pressfield states: “The enemy of the artist is the small time Ego, which begets resistance, which is the dragon that guards the gold.” [8] In counseling, be prepared to observe the Ego, define the resistance, confront the dragons, and get excited about reaching the gold. In this process be sensitive to the resistance you might have. My life coach can step on my toes (where I am sensitive) and I must watch myself as this is how God is wanting to speak to me.
4) When you come to a session it is good to come prepared with several topics you would like to discuss. Some of the best counseling takes place when a client can “freely associate” in their verbal processing but if you would like to be goal oriented, come with several thoughts for discussion. Take some time to note for yourself prior to your session what Pressfield describes when he states: “It is commonplace among artists and children at play that they’re not aware of time or solitude while they’re chasing vision.” [9] Tom Camacho was able to role model this process with Shonell during the zoom call this past Monday.
5) Take notes for yourself and do not expect to remember what is processed in session. Take cryptic notes: sketch, doodle, draw stick figures…anything to prompt you to action after the session.
6) I would encourage you to be open and direct about the number of sessions you want to commit to with your coach or counselor. It is good to be direct about the costs associated with this service and it is ok to ask questions about the cost. In private practice I can negotiate with clients as to the cost per session. A fair question might be: “What is the going rate for your services for those who have the qualifications you have?
7) Some Scripture to consider as you pursue counseling: Psalm 119:24 “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.” There is no replacement for spending time reading and meditating on the Word of God for life’s direction. Proverbs 11:14 “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisors.” It is wise to have various advisors and a coach or counselors’ input should be confirmed and validated by other counselors/trusted friends.
It is my hope that you might benefit from having some of these best practices in mind as you pursue a life coach or counseling.
[1] King, Stephen, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, 2000 p.156
[2] Ibid. p.156
[3] Ibid. p.146
[4] Ibid p.246
[5] Ibid. p.158
[6] Pressfield, Steven, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles p.30
[7] Kleon, Austin, Steal Like an Artist, 2022 p.5
[8] Pressfield, Steven, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles p.163
[9] Ibid. p.45
About the Author
Kristy Newport
11 responses to “Best Practices in Seeking a Therapist”
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Great post Kristy,
I appreciate your concluding remark, “There is no replacement for spending time reading and meditating on the Word of God for life’s direction”. We can surely appreciate the wisdom of men/women helping in these therapy sessions, but without the Spirit of God inspiring, I don’t think they would help us all.
Yes, it is the work of the Holy Spirit which brings fruit…fruit of any kind.
Kristy, I love your take on this blog post! You gave a great summary of King’s book and then, taking his advice, deviated from his book to a subject on which you have much interest, knowledge, and passion. I learned so much from reading your thoughts and will be pondering the valuable advice you offered.
I am especially drawn to your comment in point four: “In counseling, be prepared to observe the Ego, define the resistance, confront the dragons, and get excited about reaching the gold.” Can you say more about that? I feel like there is more wisdom you have to share on this and I am eager to learn!
Appreciate your post and the direction in which you took the material!
Jenny,
Thank you for reading my blog!
I have hesitated in responding to your comments. I could write a couple of blogs on the quote that I shared.
Observing the ego-answering “who am I and what choices have I been making?” it is healthy to look at this
Define resistance- answering “what is getting in the way of who I am and what choices I would like to be making?” it is healthy to make this assessment.
Confront the dragons- “What do I need to do in order to be free of the resistance? This can look like deliverance from the enemy and/or self care practices-including prayer, fellowship, time in Scripture.
Reaching the Gold- “How do I need to wait on the Lord for what I am praying for?” “Where is God providing victory for me because I am making steps in being who God has created me to be?”
Please note: sometimes the Gold is not the answered prayer but what is happening in the process of ultimately knowing what God’s will is. This is character development/becoming more like Christ. This doesn’t always feel good but it is still golden.
These are my thoughts on the “fly”
I am reading a book: Overcoming Resistance by Albert Ellis 2002. This is a secular resource but it will be interesting to see what I can glean from it. Ellis presents a Rational Emotive Behavior therapy approach.
Thank you for your interest in what I wrote. I responded possibly in greater detail than you needed. 😉
Kristy, Thank you so much for getting back to my question with such thoughtfulness and detail. You have so much to teach us regarding the process of therapy and how to know ourselves well.
I love your quote re reaching the gold: “sometimes the Gold is not the answered prayer but what is happening in the process of ultimately knowing what God’s will is. This is character development/becoming more like Christ. This doesn’t always feel good but it is still golden.”
This doesn’t always feel good, but it is still golden: I love this piece of wisdom and am going to remember it! It seems like we live in a society where we are almost always encouraged to gravitate toward those things that feel good. I wonder, are we missing out on much of what is “golden” by bypassing delayed gratification, losing patience in the character-building opportunities, and always looking for the prize in what is new and shiny? So appreciate your writing.
Fantastic post! I love hard rock but it is not my jam while writing. I need either no music or a chill instrumental of some type with no lyrics at all. As for the counseling piece, I am blown away by this entire industry. I am one who is really starting to see how accountability and release create healthy and strong growth and maturity. I was really drawn to your comment about asking a coach or counselor about their mental health and habits. It never occurred to me that a question like that would even be on the table and we just assume they are perfect and in a mental state of peace and perfection. I think we assume this with church leaders and pastors too. Like they are just sitting at home reading their family devotional each day and waiting for a call to serve and everything in their lives are emotionally detangled and flawless. I know many spiritual leaders and this is certainly not the case but that is actually my point. I think it’s wise to know who and how your advice is coming from. Just like spiritual leaders should practice what they preach, so should counselors and they should be prepared to answer how they find their balance. I love that. Thank you for unlocking that door for me!
Michael,
Thank you for reading my blog and commenting!
My initial thoughts- As I have added years to my life, I have grown in my boldness/being assertive in asking questions. I have always thought- If Barak and Michelle Obama sought my services for marriage counseling- I would be able to help them ( as God would help me). Their humanness is not much different to the next guy I have been working with. With this level playing field- I can be bold in my approach in asking (with humility and tact). It is ok to assess how healthy a leader is, especially if they will be speaking directly into my/your life.
I had some of this audacious drive in college-
I asked the president of my university(President Felix of the Azusa Pacific University) how he went about staying accountable and processing hard issues in his life. More than his words….I wanted to assess his response in his body language. I am grateful for this Godly leader who did not get defensive and did not look down on me. This respected man had to be in his 60’s and I was a young 20 year old. He looked me in the eyes and validated me by saying: “That is a good question.” He proceeded to explain how he had measures /practices which kept him accountable.
I enjoyed reading your comments. I always feel like I can jump right into dialogue with you. Thanks for this freedom.
Hi Kristy
Great post. I enjoyed reading your reflections on seeking a counselor. Perhaps this could be packaged as a free resource for clients (if you’ve not already done that). I found it very helpful.
I especially liked this observation: “3) It is good to be honest with what you are willing to change. Changing things about ourselves takes time. It is good to be realistic about what kind of changes may or may not be able to be accomplished in counseling, considering the time and investment you are willing to make in the process.”
How difficult of a process is this for those who seek counseling, or, at least, the honesty needed to name the change? I find that this is the core of the challenge we all face, particularity with resistance: do I want to change?
What do you do when you face resistance to change in your sessions with clients?
Chad,
I have been putting some thought to your questions:
“How difficult of a process is this for those who seek counseling, or, at least, the honesty needed to name the change? I find that this is the core of the challenge we all face, particularity with resistance: do I want to change?
What do you do when you face resistance to change in your sessions with clients?”
I appreciate these good questions!
Resistance to change is real! We all know it; we all experience it. It is interesting when we (change leaders) are wanting to come along others to promote change. Here are a few of my thoughts from my counseling office-
1) I MUST admit to my own propensity to be “white knuckled”… where I struggle to change. If I can be honest in these areas, I have more empathy for my clients who hold a lot of resistance.
2) Perspective…God’s perspective… this is important. I ask myself: Where is God being kind and persistent to help bring about the change that this person is needing to make? God is already at work-I want to reinforce what he is already doing!! Questions like: “How is that working for you?” or “Wow, that sounds painful, how do you see the pain decreasing?” are good assessments
3) Other factors- relationship: if I have established relationship with my clients where they trust me, I am able to have greater freedom to encourage them in different areas and they are more apt to pursue different lines of action. Personality: some people have amenable personalities and are eager to change. Other people are so set in their ways, it is difficult for them to see things in a different light ( I am thinking of a client who has a Depressive Personality disorder who will NOT take medication-this is a great sadness as meds would help him greatly).
These are some of my initial thoughts. I am reading a book called Overcoming Resistance. I am hoping to learn more in this area!
Thanks again for the challenging questions!
Kristy,
Great post! I love how you took Stephen King at his own advice and applied it to counseling. Terrific idea. I also really love how you used scripture at the end of your advice for guidance from the Word of God. Just excellent as always.
Tonette
Thank you!